From Beneath You it Devours
by blackeyedgurl
Summary: AU Buffy 7 Angel 4 Spike needs help to get out of Africa, Buffy needs direction, it eats you starting with your bottom, better summary in first chapter
1. Forward Motion

Disclaimers: All characters which are native to the land of Sunnydale and its various connections are property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox, WB, UPN and The Powers That Be (aka 'them' or 'they'). It's definitely not me. All new characters (those which are created in this AU) are property of me. You can use them if you ask me, but I doubt you would want to. All quotes from the show are the property of their original writers. All song quotes are the property of whoever wrote them as well. All of this intellectual property which is not mine is used strictly for entertainment purposes, cos god knows I couldn't make money off of this if I tried.

_Italicised sections are characters thoughts, dreams or notes. Most chapters start with a song or a poem, I know its a bit on the annoying, but this is the way it was originally presented. I appollogize for the chapters being so long, I will try to break them up where possible. This story starts out slow, but it gathers speed, so be patient. PLEASE review, Pretty Pretty please with Hot Pockets on top?_

Summary: Okay, tihs is my Alt Universe Buffy Season 7 and Angel Season 4, in this world, Spike's bathroom scene did happen. Now before you flame me out, know that this is addressed in the story, so don't get your knickers in a bunch. This story takes place all over the world, and involves pretty much every Buffy character you can think of, cos I like them all. Some parts may be worthy of an R rating. Any sex will be done tastefully and not in some slashy way, well maybe kinda slashy. To start out: Spike is in Africa, Giles & Willow are in England, Dawn, Anya, Buffy & Xander are in SunnyD, Jonathon & Andrew are south of the border, Tara sadly is still dead. Basically I took the Season 7 premise Joss gave us, and did what I would have liked for him to do. I like the first evil as a Big Bad, I liked the idea of the potentials, just more as background than characters, I missed Faith, so I kinda did what I want. I hope you like it. Please review or email me, I'm always willing to chat up another Buffy fan. And now, on with the show...

Here, somewhere in the heart of me, There is still a part of me, That cares.  
And I'll still take the best you've got, Even though I'm sure its not, The best for me.  
When you're born a lover, You're born to suffer,  
Like all soul sisters, And soul brothers.  
I can see the danger signs, They only help to underline, Your beauty.  
I'm not looking for an easy ride, True happiness cannot be tried, so easily.  
You can take your time, I'll be waiting in line,  
You don't even have to give me, The time of day.  
When you're born a lover, You're born to suffer,  
Like all soul sisters, And soul brothers.  
-M. L. Gore, 'Goodnight Lovers'

"Hello?"  
  
"Um, yes, is Rupert Giles available?" _God, you sound like such a ponce! Keep it together; he'll know what to do._  
  
"Well, yes, I will fetch him for you"  
  
It was so odd to hear another familiar homespun accent. Giles and Dru had been the only connection to that familiar phrasing Spike had heard in years. Well, that was until it happened, now he heard lots of different accents, but none of them so real as this voice on the end of the line.  
  
"This is Rupert Giles"  
  
"Giles, mate, I need your help."  
  
"Mate? Who is this? Spike? Spike is that you?"  
  
"Um, yeah its me, sorry being all proper and the like. Right then. Some things happened, I need your help."  
  
"Is Buffy, are things okay? What's going on in Sunnydale, Dawn didn't mention anything to Willow yesterday."  
  
"Sunnydale? Oh, God I'm not in Sunnydale, so if there's trouble, this is one big bad you can count out"  
  
"Well then, where are you?"  
  
"Nairobi, Kenya I think it is, well it's in Africa anyways, you know, heart of darkness and all that bollocks. I need to get out of here."  
  
"You called me for train fare?"  
  
"There's more, lots more, not just 'Oh Giles gimme train fare'"  
  
Giles could sense something change in his voice. Spike was serious, even afraid maybe, not like him at all.  
  
"As I was saying, something's happened to me and I think you, the Council and the Scoobies will need to hear about it, in that order, as soon as possible. So can you get me to where you are or not? I don't have a lot of cash right now, if I did I'd be halfway there by now, or at least calling you from Cairo, Christ Giles I'm rambling."  
  
Giles heard it again, fear, or maybe embarrassment, but something was different.  
  
"Hold on Spike, let me see what I can do."  
  
_How long can I pull this off? My head is going to combust. Who's he talking to? Is that the witch? I think she tried to end the world, the whole sodding mess. Damn her, why can't she go through with even the simplest apocalypse? Damn, Giles might tell her its him, and she might tell Goldilocks, and now the whole thing will become a mess. A bloody stupid mess just like me. Why'd I think I could do this without her finding out? I mean word travels fast among the undead, but it travels faster in her circle than hell fire in a forest._  
  
"Um, Spi..William. Sorry, Willow thinks I am talking to my brother, William. Right now. I have you on a train from Nairobi to Cairo leaving tonight, right after sun down. You will have a personal single room traveling coach in a car. You should be able to block out the African sun. Of all places for a vampire to go, I mean Africa's got the brightest, hottest sun on earth, it's a wonder you aren't..."  
  
"A large pile of dust? Giles..."  
  
"Yes, right, you will arrive in Cairo at sundown the following day. Be prepared though, nothing is guaranteed on time in Egypt, they're worse than just about anyone on earth with time. Yes you will need to take a cab to the Airport. Now I know you are broke, so when you get to the train station there will be a man waiting for you. He's a watcher like myself, and has been notified of your presence. He will have a passport and some cash for you. Don't spend it all on cigarettes and duty free whiskey."  
  
"You watchers are better than the CIA, can you make me a birth certificate and fake baby foot prints too?"  
  
"Shut up Spi..William. You will get on Egypt Air flight 317 to London Heathrow. It is a night flight; you will arrive in the middle of the night. Your ticket will be at the counter for you, under the name William Giles."  
  
"Bloody hell, you really are taking this brother bit a bit too far mate. Do you even have a brother?"  
  
"Well, No I don't but, pay attention. When your train arrives a woman will be there to pick you up. She will know who you are, don't worry. She's a witch, and she was headed here from London anyways to help the coven with Willow. She's been instructed to take vehicle precautions. It won't be luxurious but it will do."  
  
"Giles, how does she know? I mean you were gone about 5 minutes and all of this is 'set up'. I mean your freaking me out a bit"  
  
"Some of it is residual from when the coven tried to channel me to help Willow not destroy the world, there are certain skills I retained. Otherwise that Expedia dot com is bloody remarkable. Seems the internet is good for something. Just trust me it will all be fine"  
  
"Giles, I need something else from you, this is important so listen up"  
  
"Well yes, go ahead"  
  
"You can't tell Buffy I am coming to see you, you can't tell any of her little chums, no one can know. When I come to see you Willow can't be there to see me, send her off with her cauldron sisters or something, but she can't know I am around, not at first anyways. Do you understand? This is a strictly you, me and all the people you have assisting me in my transportation to England. No one else can know."  
  
"William, I mean, that's kind of brash, conspiracy theory and the like. What's wrong, maybe I can start working on it until you get here?  
  
"Nothings wrong, its what's right that you need to know about. I have to go now. I will see you in a few days. I am going to head to the train station now, it'll be getting dark soon. Thank you Giles, I owe you."  
  
"Right? Well fine I will see you in a few." 

* * *

Nairobi stank. Not like garbage stinks, like fetid unwashed 19th century London's whore district stink. It smells of death and decay and excrement. It would have been refreshing in the past, but now it was only haunting him. It made all of this worse. The pain, and not the 'Ooo it hurts so good pain' more like the 'kill me quickly so it all ends in a single flash' pain was intense and difficult ot deal with. Even loving her hadn't hurt him this badly. He thought this might be the punishment for getting back his soul. He always thought the Poof looked a little worse for wear after he got his. At least Spike's didn't come with that whole 'one moment of true happiness' invalidity clause. It was the headaches that were the worst. They were full of screaming voices begging and pleading for him to stop, for his former self to stop, Spike wished he had.  
  
Traveling through Nairobi by day wasn't nearly as difficult as it should have been. The markets, in alleys, were always dark, day or night. They were crawling with rats, and cats smaller than the rats, and the occasional skinny dog whelping. It was sickening. Not to mention it was not exactly a party to be a glow in the dark, paler than pale, white man here. The Shamans and Witch Doctors knew what he was, but they also knew what he has come to be: another vampire with a soul.   
  
The Master would have been so disappointed if he knew what had become of the Order of Aurelius. Darla was dead, again. Drusilla, well god only knew where she was; she was probably sucking the life out of some poor chaos demon with tea parties and dollies right now. Angel the soul restored protector of the pathetic. And now Spike, William the fucking bloody, soul returned so he could go and pine after the slayer. How likely was it that not one but two of the Master's most vicious would turn all jelly legged and googly eyed for a silly girl with a bag of stakes and a birthright? Dru had known it. Dru could see it in him; she had never seen it in Angelus even when he wasn't evil. Angel's love wasn't as deep as this, as ancient, as set in his bones as it was for Spike. It was almost as if this were his fate, his destiny from the moment he was turned, to someday love the slayer. Not just any slayer though. He has offed two in his unlifetime, which was damn impressive! The first time he had seen Buffy she stirred something in him that hadn't been there for years. A lust for something more, sure blood, carnage, death and destruction were fun for the first 100 years, but after a while it all became so unsatisfying. Well, that and the damn chip. Not like he needed that anymore. He was too scared to kill a rat for a meal. Then again the rats here are of unusual size.  
  
"You must be William the Bloody, also known as Spike?"  
  
"What?" Spike was startled. He turned around to see where this booming voice had come from, and saw who could only be described as the African version of Giles. He wondered if the damn council gave them a dress code. Only this one was black, black as the night, but still stodgy and uptight.  
  
"Oh, yeah, that's me. The terror of Europe, the big bad, grr arrg, be scared." Spike said unenthusiastically.  
  
"I received Rupert's message. I am Samuel. Here are the items he requested I give to you. Sorry about the photo in the passport, it was the only one the Council had on file."  
  
The photo was horrendous. It looked as though he was pissed out of his mind. The background was familiar, it looked like the cells in the Initiative's demon control center. This must have been the photo they took of him when he was captured. How in the hell did Giles get a hold of it?  
  
"Actually Giles had a fellow email it to me, so I could put this together. Truly though, I have seen far worse by means of passport photos so you should be jolly well with this one."  
  
"Well I don't know that I'll ever be 'jolly well' but it'll do."  
  
In the back of the passport was approximately 100 pound Sterling. Enough to let him live like a king in damn Nairobi. He though that he should have called Giles sooner.  
  
"Your train leaves in a half hour. Your ticket is at the counter up there. I also brought you this bag so you wouldn't look suspicious as a luggage-less passenger. There are some clothes and toiletries and a thick wool blanket for the window in here. Giles doesn't know how shoddy the damn blankets are on the trains here. You'd be dust in a few minutes if you relied on them. Now, I know you can't see yourself in a mirror, but you look quite awful. Your room on board has a washroom and loo attached. I made sure of it, I figured if you were desperate enough to contact Rupert, you must be in an awful state I wasn't wrong."  
  
No wonder this guy was a watcher Spike thought. He was straight forward, no holds barred, and he had thought of everything! Maybe they should send him to Sunnydale, Buffy could use someone with this much forethought and planning.   
  
"Right then. I should probably be going."  
  
"Wait, Giles figured you hadn't eaten in a while either. He said you didn't sound right on the phone. There are two bags of pig blood in there as well. I know how hard a butcher shop is to come by here, well one which keeps the blood instead of letting it run into the street at least, so I hope this helps."  
  
Now he really had thought of everything. Clothes, money, object to block murderous African sun, and now a meal! For a change Spike actually felt sort of happy. This was an odd, unfamiliar sensation.   
  
"Wow, well I must say thanks, you've really taken care of everything. You wouldn't happen to have a pack of fags on you? That would certainly make you quite possibly the most remarkable human I have ever met."  
  
"Sorry, I don't smoke, but there will be a dealer in the station that can probably assist you in that. How odd, a vampire that smokes objects, which could light him on fire and send him to an early dusting. Hmm, I'll have to make a note of that."  
  
There's the watcher sense he had been looking for. Business was still first, all else was second.  
  
"I take it you haven't met a lot of us. We do all sorts of destructive things to ourselves. Someone might think we had a death wish. We are dead, so that whole death wish thing takes on a whole new meaning."  
  
There was the uncomfortable vampire-watcher silence he was looking for.  
  
"I guess I should be going. I will tell Giles that you were very helpful and that he should..." _God I suck at this_ "be very happy you are a watcher too. Um Good Bye"  
  
When he turned around Samuel was already gone. Disappeared. _Like me. _

* * *

Cleopatras are the fungus demons of the cigarette world. They are about 4 steps past horrible and closer to 'did someone kill the guy who came up with these, or should I kill him?' bad. They tasted like dust. They were stale and sickening. There were shrubberies, which tasted better when smoked. These were disgusting, but it fulfilled that nagging 'addiction' to nicotine Spike thought he had. He did look awful; even the white folks were looking at him with glares and stares.   
  
He hadn't slept in weeks. The sleeper/loo/bath room was nice. Too nice, he thought he didn't deserve something like this. Hopefully Giles didn't expect to be paid back. Maybe he could turn in the receipts to the Council for reimbursement. Why did he care? _Damnit I am tough, I am scary, I am evil, and I am a complete ponce. I am pathetic. I am beyond pathetic._ Spike handed the porter his ticket, locked the door and hid inside the confines of his room.   
  
It had been weeks since he has been this confined in a space. For the first month he ran ragged through the caves by the sea where this all began. The locals had thrown carcasses into the caves. They thought they knew what he was. It was no matter. He ate nothing of it, and finally slunk off in the quiet of night with a group of tourist fisherpersons. Stupid tourists.  
  
It wasn't supposed to be like this. The soul was supposed to come back, he was supposed to feel remorse for like a week, some pain some anguish, and then he was supposed to go on his merry way. Back to Sunnydale, back to her, rub her nose in what she done. Instead he could barely make it through a day or night without wanting his own death. Spike thought he knew pain when she was dealing it out, no, that was kittens compared to this.  
  
Like many things in Nairobi the train looked nice, but underneath, it was really only swill. Yes there was a bath, yes there was water, but this bathwater was cold and brown. It would do, but it would only satisfy on the basest level of necessity. In the bag from the watcher was a small bottle of hotel shampoo and soap. Also in there was a clean black tee shirt and black pants. A bath was in order.  
  
The watcher wasn't wrong. Based on the color of the water after his wash, with it being even dirtier than when he got in, that being a feat in itself, he must have been filthy. His hair had grown out significantly. It was almost down to his ears, much the length it was when Spike was originally turned. He so wished he could see it; it must have looked very reverse skunk. He was too afraid to see a barber in Kenya. It was too risky. Plus Spike couldn't just kill him afterwords like he would have been able to do in the past, so word surely would have gotten out about the man who cast no refleciton. In Europe and even Sunnydale there were places a demon or vampire could go in for a nice trim and a bit of conversation. Some demons were even unusually skilled at the barber trade and could completely change a look to put you in hiding. Some even were kind enough to keep around Polaroid cameras to take photos of the work they did, so vamps could check it out. But not in Kenya, not in Africa, you couldn't even get simple hair bleach.  
  
Spike considered burning his clothes. They were a mess. The smell alone was enough to frighten off evil. He thought it was funny that when all of you reeks you did't seem to notice it. Throwing them out the window was the only solution. Good Riddance. The belt had to stay though, as it didn't smell. The pants were quite nice actually, snappy even.   
  
He finally decided to confront the dark mistress who taunted him so. The little bitch chided him constantly. If Spike didn't sleep he would only get worse, and he knew he really didn't need to scare the living daylights out of Giles. The last time he slept was at least 2 weeks ago, and even then it wasn't really sleep. Undressed and freshly clean he put the blanket over the cheap tatters of curtain. The watcher even packed some tape to secure the blanket so it wouldn't shift and dust him. Genius.  
  
In the folds of the blanket it was there. He could smell it: sweet, tempting blood. Swine tasted remarkably like human. It was so close that it wasn't a shame to survive off of pig's blood if you had to. It was almost warm from the protection of the blanket. The first bag he gingerly sucked back. He was anticipating the overwhelming feeling of the suffering of this victim. Humans were animals, they suffered, they haunted, so why not a stupid pig? Most pigs were smarter then a good lot of humans anyways. The haunting had not come and the second bag beckoned. Shooting back the second bag he felt satisfied for once. The strength pored into him and reminded him how badly he needed the rest. It was easier to walk around half starved, a zombie like existence kicked in after a week. But now Spike needed sleep.

* * *

_"Ha Ha! William the bloody awful poet!"  
  
"Wait Charles, Wait, What rhymes with ephemeral? Ha ha ha!"  
  
"Oooo Cecily your poet awaits!"  
  
"If you are lucky dear he will just drive a railroad spike through your head rather than make you suffer his words!"  
  
They roared with laughter. They were my friends. Maybe they were my friends, it has been so long that I can't really remember. But if it hadn't been for her none of this would have happened. It rang through my ears "you are beneath me" it haunted me, chased me, controlled me. Damn Cecily, she had it coming. She drove me to that stable; she drove me to darkness, to the darkness, which would eventually consume her.  
  
I had just been turned. Angelus, Darla and Drusilla were all there. Dru claimed to be my sire, but I knew differently it was Angelus. He turned me to get her off his back. Dru needed a plaything that would be easy to control. Was he wrong. They let me go and kill my first out of vengeance. That only made me hungrier.  
  
"William, William is that you..? By heavens, however did you get Oh lord, Oh dear Lord! We shall all burn!"  
  
The kitchen maid had let me in. By the time Cecily found me, I was vamped out, for the first time in my new existence.  
  
"What Cecily? Can't stand to look what you drove me to? This is your fault! Am I still beneath you now? Tell me, for I am immortal now. You will die, your corpse will fade, but I will be forever! You are beneath me now!"  
  
"William, I never meant what I said, please just go, and no one will ever have to know."  
  
"You are right my dear Cecily. No one will ever know who or what did this to you, but they may have a clue. I am William the Bloody, and will be my first. You could have been my first in other more human ways, but I was too beneath you for that now wasn't I?"  
  
"Please no! Don't I am sorry! Please forgive me I am repentant!"  
  
"Keep begging Cecily, beg until your last breath escapes you, and then beg all the heavens for forgiveness. They know it's your fault, GOd knows what you did, and he can't save you now. You made this demon my sweet!"  
  
"No, please God will forgive me, and you! Just please don't!"  
  
She had by now seen the corpse on the floor. Her kitchen maid was there. Sucked dry, neck ripped open, but not by me. Dru and Darla had a taste for servants and they fulfilled their hunger happily. Angelus and them were throughout the house eating the residents, and looting whatever they could find.  
  
"Cecily, if you scream I will leave, just keep screaming." A wicked smile passed crossed my lips. I could see the vein just below the skin, pushing all those little cells throughout her body. I felt a hunger deep within me that I knew only she could satisfy.  
  
"Please, Ahhhhhhhh"  
  
The screaming stopped when she died. It was then that I learned how much more fulfilling it would be when they fought back, but that wasn't enough for me this time. I wanted them to know who did this. The railroad spike was the finishing touch, straight through her temples. This would show them. She was the first of many, of my 'friends.'  
  
She was back now. I never turned her, but clear as day she stood there. Thought eternity was too good a gift to the little cunt. It was all her fault, but now I plead with her; I am the one begging forgiveness. Her screams rage through my mind. Her screams, not of fear now, but of anger and hate radiated through my dreams. I can do nothing about it.   
  
"DAMNIT CECILY! I am sorry. How many times do I have to tell you? I am so sorry please forgive me. I need redemption! I only wanted you to know how it felt to be nothing. I didn't do this to you, the monster did, but he's gone now so please forgive me..."_

* * *

Sir! Sir! Are you all right? Wake up! My God, I think he is dead!"  
  
The porters were in his room now. Shaking him. _I am dead but you wouldn't know it from the way I walk and talk!_  
  
"What? Get out of here! Can't you read the bloody door? Do Not Disturb! That means don't come into the room! Stupid gits."  
  
"But sir, you were screaming, t-t-he other passengers were concerned that something was wrong."  
  
"Everything is wrong, but that's not their issue. Get out. I don't care if it sounds like the goddamn inquisition is going on in here you leave me be!"  
  
They left. This was why Spike hadn't gotten any sleep. The nightmares, the screams, their screaming, the pain of knowing what you were. He was terrified they would see him vamp out. He didn't get bumpy so often now. It took a lot of rage to trigger it. And the only person Spike could get that kind of anger about was himself.  
  
He could feel by the heat radiating off the blanket that it was day. He couldn't wander the coaches. Too risky. After his little performance he didn't think the man who's flesh smokes in sunlight would be such a hit. Spike couldn't go back to sleep. This soul bullshit was getting old fast.  
  
Spike rifled through the bag the watcher had packed. If he was such a genius to pack the tape and shampoo maybe he stuck a book in there, a newspaper, anything to pass the time. Ha! Toothbrush and toothpaste! That's a kick! Apparently it's not in any of the vampire information libraries that vamps don't need to brush their pearly whites. Bacteria can't live in them, viruses can't live in them, and neither should their souls.  
  
In the bottom of the bag were a few more things. A pair of boxers, apparently Slayer hadn't told ol' Giles everything about their little affair. No need for those, don't wear 'em. A wife beater tank and black button down shirt were two things Spike would wear so they could stay. He chucked the tooth accessories into the trash with the boxers. Under the shirt there was a note, 2 pills and a book.  
  
_Spike:  
If you can't sleep here are 2 sleeping pills, one for the train, and one for the plane. I don't know if they work on vampires, not a lot of information available on personal hygiene and toxicology of vamps. Buffy mentioned you were some sort of poet, and that she always caught you reading so here is a generic anthology of verse. It might help pass the time. You sounded distressed on the phone, please relax we are preparing for your arrival. Be well, and please don't kill any flight attendants.  
-Giles_  
  
That man was everywhere. Any rate, the pills would work and the book was perfect. Of course they were horse pills, and even with his antibacterial status he couldn't bring himself to drink the swill water. Breaking one into pieces Spike swallowed it back. The pills were temporary salvation; they would stop the nightmares, and put him into a black, dreamless sleep.


	2. Insight

"This is an insight, into my life.  
This is a strange flight, I'm taking.  
My true will, carries me along.  
This is a soul dance, embracing me.  
This is the first chance, to put things right.  
Moving on, guided by the light.  
And the spirit of love is rising within me, talking to you now,  
Telling you clearly: The fire still burns.  
Wisdom of ages, rush over me.  
Heighten my sense, enlighten me.  
Lead me on, eternally.  
I'm talking to you now, the fire still burns.  
Whatever you do now, the world still turns."  
M.L. Gore 'Insight'

**Westbury, England**  
  
As usual it was raining in Westbury. It was an especially wet summer. Usually they got at least 20 days of sun. It'd been so long since Giles had been there without some sort of end of world, hell mouth opening, Slayer raising, apocalyptic catastrophe which dragged him back to Sunnydale, that the past 3 months here felt odd. Sunnydale, funny it did live up to its name, even with eminent doom looming it was generally sunny.  
  
Willow was doing better. The coven was helping her harness her powers. Teaching her the ancient Wicca ways. The coven was to her what Giles was to Buffy. He knew he should have brought her here when he knew what she had in her; when he started to see it. He could have prevented the world of trouble she caused. He was a Slayer watcher, not a Witch sitter.  
  
He wondered why Spike had called. Spike sounded so odd. He wondered how he had gotten the number. He knew Samuel and Abdullah would take care of Spike. Zaezilla would bring him here. Giles would find out what he wanted. It was probably that he wanted airfare back to Sunnydale so he could go stalk Buffy again and fantasize about snogging her until the end of days.   
  
"Giles, someone is coming"  
  
"W-willow, you startled me. What?"  
  
"Someone is coming. Someone we know, but somehow changed. Better. I can feel the positive energy moving towards us."  
  
"Willow, Zaezilla is coming and yes she is good. I told you about this already. She's quite pure, and can help you a lot. You will like her, I am sure of it."  
  
"Are you deaf? This is someone I, we, already know. Not Zaezilla. What kind of name is that anyways? I mean I wouldn't know Zaezilla from Godzilla! I feel a change in the scales from evil to good it moves."  
  
"Zaezilla is a perfectly good Saxon name, wait never mind. You don't care. Well, possibly yes, someone else may be coming with her."  
  
The rain was still falling, and it was getting dark. It wouldn't be long before Giles would hear the whole drama that was about to unfold if Willow was right.  
  
"They will be here within the day. It is arriving with Zaezilla? She brings it?"  
  
The rain streaked the glass like milk on glass. It clouded everything. He could lose himself in moments like this, peaceful England, milky glass...  
  
"GILES! Are you even listening to me!?!"  
  
"Sorry Willow, what was that again? I am just not myself today I guess."  
  
"Zaezilla is bringing someone with her, someone who tips the scales, blah blitty blah tastes great, less evil!"  
  
"That coven really has increased your cryptic prediction skills hasn't it?"  
  
"Giles, all I know is I can feel it. The darkness in me feels the shift out. The lightness knows its coming. Do you know who or what it is?"  
  
"No, no, Willow why do you think that?"  
  
"It is coming for you. It needs help, guidance maybe. Anyways, you are a really bad liar. Even without the glasses you start to twitch and fidget when you are lying."  
  
"Well, yes I know who it is, but I am not at liberty to tell you who it is. Not until I know why he comes here and what he wants."  
  
"Okay but I hope your guest is friendly. The coven is great but they really are boring when it comes to the witty banter, I'm starving for conversation."  
  
"It won't be long now Willow, it won't be long"  
  
"I know."  
  
The sun was gone now and the countryside had taken on the odd glow of dusk. This was when life began in Sunnydale, but here it was when the day was winding down. This was nice.

* * *

**Cairo, Egypt**  
  
The train pulled in just after sunset. The window was black, but still warm with daylight. Spike had woken up when the train jerked to a stop. Sleep had come and gone and he was no worse for wear, it was a relief.   
  
Spike gathered the contents of the bag he would continue to travel with. He then dressed himself in the tank, shirt and posh pants. He rinsed the blood out of the bags, what remained of it anyways. The porters already thought he was some sort of freak; he didn't need to prove it. In the past he wouldn't have cared, but now he did. Leaving the room felt wonderful, but terrifying, just when he got comfortable he always had to move on. Too quickly.  
  
Cairo. Spike has never been here. Over a hundred years old, and world traveled, and yet never seen the pyramids. Cairo has a certain something. You could feel it the minute you set foot there. It was this bizarre mix of ancient and modern. It was the feel of a people older than America, older than Europe, older than civilization itself. You could also feel the magic that coursed through the earth here. Cairo was confused, much like vampires. Thrown into the future with nothing but the past to hold onto to. It was comfortable. Apparently though you couldn't be in Africa without the major city you landed in stinking like a pit.  
  
The goddamn Cleopatra cigarettes, they would probably be the death of him. Spike could hear it run through the underground "Spike killed by Cleopatra cigarettes, taste alone ended him!"  
  
"William? Are you William?" A man with caramel skin and violet, wait those were violet eyes, poked him on the shoulder.  
  
" 'pends on who's asking."  
  
Spike turned to him. He looked fierce, as Abdullah stepped back. It must not have been normal to see an incandescently pale man in all black smoking cigarettes fresh off a train. Spike definitely didn't look like a tourist. Thank god, all the American ones were fat anyways.  
  
"I am Abdullah, the watcher of Egypt. I keep my ear to the ground looking for future Slayers. I am now also vampire transport it seems."  
  
"Well Abdullah, you can call me Spike. William's my proper name, but it really hasn't fit me in decades. Outgrew that suit when the taking happened."  
  
"Spike!?! _The_ Spike? I have read so much about your conquests with the Order of Aurelius. You killed 2 of our Slayers. You are much feared by watchers and demons alike. Well, not Rupert, but he's also unconventional in his ways."  
  
"Well, I was chipped by a secret US Government Agency called the Initiative. I couldn't hurt a damn fly if I wanted to. If I do try its like my heads 'bout to explode. Behavior modification they call it, I call it neutering."  
  
"Well then I guess you are more than safe. Come now, we must go it is time."  
  
"I thought you were meeting me at the airport."  
  
"I was, but I had nothing to do, no new Slayer being called for a while. We've already got 2 out there, so us Watchers only watch large amounts of television. Also I though you would prefer to have your blood in the car instead of in the water closets at the airport."  
  
Right then, let's go. Mind if I smoke?  
  
No, no one else here will care either.  
  
As they ewre walking out of the train station Spike saw No Smoking' signs written in both Arabic and English. Underneath them were ashtrays and Egyptian men smoking like chimneys. A man could get used to a place like this.   
  
Abdullah, is there anywhere around here I could get a packet of real fags? These Cleopatra's are real crap you know?  
  
Oh yes, they are terrible, no one smokes them! Here there is a cigarette stand just at the exit you can get Marlboros or Camels there. This is better?  
  
  
  
Every 5 steps Abdullah had to greet another person. It was completely bizarre, as if he knew everyone in Cairo. Or maybe it was just that he was real friendly in a very creepy sort of manner. The cigarette man was Spike's salvation. Three Pounds for a pack, he gets 2. This was three pounds after Abdullah bartered with the merchant down from ten Pound a pack. Crazy Egyptians couldn't just list the price like normal people. Spike bet tourists fell for this sort of thing all the time. Silly fucks.  
  
Abdullah's car was one of the most unnerving sights Spike had seen in a good long while. He figured it was held together with rope and chewing gum. There apparently was no 3rd gear so Abdullah jumped from 2nd to 4th. Headlights were optional at night. Seat belts were optional features in cars as well. The horn was not, every few miles everyone stopped, honked their horns and then kept going. Spike had never been so terrified. There were also apparently no lanes on Egyptian roads. There were those familiar yellow and white lines, but two lane roads here were made into 3 or 4 lane roads by the travelers. He hadn't seen this much chaos and confusion on a highway since, well, never. There were donkey pulled carts, semi-trucks, buses with people hanging out of doors and windows and brand new Mercedes all sharing this strip of road. This was unreal. A bloke could start to like this.   
  
As they left central Cairo Abdullah started to point out attractions. He worked part time as an Egyptologist giving tours and stuff to tourists, so he had plenty to tell. It was all sort of mottling up inside Spike's head. He couldn't pay attention to him right now. Cairo was talking to Spike, and he couldn't to listen to them both at once.   
  
Spike, if you turn around in the back seat there is a quart of blood. It's cow, we don't eat a lot of pork here, so it will have to do.  
  
Spike replied as he turned around. The blood was directly behind Spike's seat. It was cold, it was from a cow, and it was just not very good.  
  
How is it? Drink it up. I had to buy it from a Jew. They keep the blood you know. Strange people they are.  
  
It's yummy good. Gag. So mate, what's the deal with all the lonely vehicles? People just dump Spike had seen many abandonded cars on the side of the road, many of them so rusty it seemed as if they had been there for some time.  
  
Well when things stop working here most people just abandon it. In'sha'llah, they say. If God wills! Most of the time God wills them to leave things where they are, let buildings fall down, show up late, not show up at all. The only thing here that is cared for is the past. The temples and statues, the museums, the tombs, it is all more important than our current times. We respect the past, without it we would not be here. Spike, we have a few hours would you like to get some tea and a water pipe? Its very relaxing before a flight.  
  
I really can't be late for my flight.  
  
You won't be, there is a place in Garden City, near the airport. We will go there. It will be nice, you can buy something for your girlfriend.  
  
I don't have a girlfriend.  
  
What about that Drusilla girl you were always found with? She's always mentioned side by side with you in the journals.  
  
Dru's gone in more ways than one. I'd rather not talk about it. You Watcher's really ought to stop relying on those books for all your info about us famous Vamps. We generally will surprise you.  
  
Well it has certainly been a surprise to meet you and your chip. Does Angelus still have his soul? That was always a fun one to tell the new girls. Imagine that a vampire with a soul! You were friends with him weren't you?  
  
Yeah, the poof still has his soul, lost it for a bit but its been back helping him help the helpless blah blah, Gandhi shit. We were never really friends. More like two men who had to tolerate each other for far too long. He's back in Los Angeles. Ha! Funny isn't that. City of Angels, and Angelus lives there! He goes by Angel. Found him in love with one of your Slayers he did. Imagine that, vampire and slayer in love! Crazy right? She got him back to evil scourge of Europe Angelus the terrible after a good shag. Then she killed him, but her friend who's a witch had restored his soul again right before. I guess it was real tragic, I left before that started. Then the First Evil brought Angel back out of the hell dimension to kill the Slayer, you know Buffy. Well that didn't work and he helped fight off the Ascension, which ended in the high school being blown up and the hell mouth being closed back up. Me n' Dru were in South America at the time, but from what I heard it was one hell of a day. Then he left to go start some sort of agency in LA with a real fox named Cordelia. A little up tight and prissy that one was, but she had legs up to Spike could feel him staring at him. Abdullah couldn't believe what he was saying. And well that's sort of Angel's story. We're really not friends, but if you hang around the Slayer's crew long enough you get to hear the story over and over and it sort of becomes second nature.  
  
You are friends with Buffy? She has a crew? I am not understanding, but I am starting to see why Rupert was fired from the Council.  
  
I'll go into detail once we have a cuppa tea and a pipe. Fancy that, never smoked a water pipe without a bit of the old illegals in it.

* * *

**Westbury, England**  
  
To Willow it felt like Giles was trying to cut her off, shut her down, like she was the damn Buffy-bot, constantly returning to him for repair. Giles was so aggravating. The British in general were less Giles-ish than she figured but still! Half the time she had no idea what they were talking about. Willow had thought Spike spoke a foreign language; that was nothing compared to the pissed snogging shagging bints and poofs who just want a pint and a fag she had encountered. She just wanted to go home. She hadn't heard from anyone. She was not allowed to call Buffy or Xander. The only one she could talk to was Dawn, and that just wasn't enough.  
  
The coven was helping. But she couldn't help feeling like they didn't realize all that was going on inside of her. Sure, she could learn that it was all connected, that nature governed all, that powers, which existed before there were words, run the show, but still, she felt so dangerous.  
  
Willow felt things. Shifts in energies. Shifts in the powers of the universe. Shifts in the prices of mandrake root. This time the shift had occurred and it was moving towards her. Did Giles summon something? Something to help her understand what was going on with her. It wasn't every day that someone tried to destroy the world and then got to go on vacation half the world away, she got that. She could feel that some cosmic balance was off, it had shifted. She felt the darkness in her tug a little harder at her sensibilities. Most of all though, she felt alone.  
  
Willow wondered if she could communicate with the thing that was coming before it got there. Since the 'incident' she had the uncanny ability to get inside peoples heads, telepathically speaking, not actually get inside of their heads. Some times she couldn't get in. It was easier when they were in a state of change or when they were hurting. It couldn't hurt to try, right?  
  
"Hello? Can you hear me?

* * *

**Cairo, Egypt**  
  
They were in the middle of conversation when Red got in his head.  
  
"Abdullah, this is a football country, tell me how are Manchester United doing this season? You must know."  
  
Abdullah started talking football, but Spike's mind went blank. He then heard her.  
  
_"Hello? Can you hear me?"_  
  
Spike was doing his best not to think of a response.  
  
_"I know you are coming here, please tell me who you are. I don't mean to intrude."_  
  
Apparently a summer in England really increased her polite quotient. Now not only were dead people in Spike's head but so's a witch!   
  
_"I heard that. You sound familiar."  
  
Damnit Red, it's me Spike. Leave me alone! I am not coming to visit you, you channeled in on the wrong bloke. Go find the wanker's frequency or something. Get out of my head!  
  
"Spike? Is this really you? How'd I end up? I must have messed something up. I thought I had this down. I'm sorry to have bothered you."_  
  
He could feel her connection fade. Abdullah came back into earshot.  
  
"Man U is really having an amazing season. I'm surprised you couldn't get the games in Kenya. We sit up half the night here watching football."  
  
"Uh yeah right. Terrific, nice to hear Beckham's keeping it together."  
  
The tea had gone cold, the tobacco had long since burned out. He thought he could get used to this kind of life: sitting about chatting, drinking, smoking, relaxing. Nothing but men were around there, apparently the women didn't frequent teahouses much. He did see them walking the streets with their sacks of groceries or bundled parcels. Some with scarves on their heads, others looking like they stepped out of a cab on 5th Avenue in New York. Cairo was a strange place indeed.  
  
"Spike we should be going now. Your flight leaves in an hour. Well it may be an hour it may be 2 we never know here."  
  
Abdullah took the teacups and pipe back to the counter. He hugged and kissed a few men on the way out. Cairo really was a city full of love. They loved their heritage, their country, their land, and each other. It's quite beautiful in a completely non-fluffy bunnies sort of way.  
  
The airport was barely a mile away. There were people everywhere, they were crowding the exit doors, cheering and grabbing friends and relatives.   
  
"During the summer many families come back from America and Europe to bring gifts for their families and to go on holiday in the Delta or near the Red Sea."  
  
It looked like some of them were carrying body bags. Body bags not full of people, but bags full of gifts. He clutched the pounds he had left in his pocket, and he decided to pick up some gifts while he was there.   
  
"Here is your ticket You need to go through that gate. Hand them your passport. They will stamp it and let you go. Wait, I forgot, give me your passport."  
  
"Here" He handed it to him.  
  
Abdullah pulled some stamps from his pocket, licked them into the book.  
  
"Awful photo. What are you intoxicated?"  
  
"Its my capture photo from the Initiative. I was half drugged at the time."  
  
"Well, it shows. Here is your book. I wish there could have been more time between us. It was so nice to hear about your life. I have never chatted with a vampire before, this was very interesting. Please have a safe trip. Give Giles my regards."  
  
"Thanks Abdullah. It's been a real pleasure. I wish I could have seen more. Maybe I'll return someday. I'll look you up."  
  
"Here is my card, keep it with you. Let me know if I can be of any service to you."  
  
"Thanks again mate. I should be going."  
  
Spike left Abdullah where he stood. He stuck his passport into the tiny window and walked around to receive it again. Once through the gate doors, there was duty free heaven. He could pick some things up, gifts, like he thought before. Perfume wasn't right, he thought women shouldn't wear it anyways, they smelled good enough on their own. In front of the boarding gate it was: trinkets and knickknacks all with cheesy Egyptian crap on them, perfect.  
  
Spike felt the need to pick up things for Giles, Red, maybe Anya, Niblet and Buffy. Xander the wanker deserved nothing. He wondered if he shouldn't bother, they all pretty much hated him upon his exit. He decided to buy anyways, people always liked a good gift, even if it came from someone they didn't like.  
  
For Red he found a papyrus, of Isis, the goddess of magic who brought back to life Osiris. Spike figured Willow would get the symbolism she was well versed in wicca. For Anya he got small hieroglyph hair sticks. She was so vain, and always worried about her hair, that he knew she'd love them. For Niblet, his Dawn, golden earrings with the sun on them. He thought it was the Aten thingy, the sunrays, the energy, the Dawn. Giles was a bit more difficult to shop for. They didn't sell "My Vampire went to Egypt and all he brought me was this lousy tee-shirt" shirts. A nice set of tea glasses would do. The man did enjoy a good spot of tea. Buffy, she was near to impossible, as nothing here in this generic gift shop could ever be entirely worthy of her.   
  
"Sir, which of these Gods and stuff was like a female warrior? And I don't want one that looks like a hippo or some other nasty."  
  
"Try Sekhmet or Bastet, they are cats, not so ugly yes?"  
  
There was a small generic list of what these gods represented.  
  
_Sekhmet: The Mighty One, represents the scorching, burning destructive powers of the sun. Defender and warrior of Ra and Osiris, Goddess of War.   
  
Bastet: The Tearer, represents the life giving warmth of the sun. She was admired for her cat-like strength and agility. At times she was seen as the protector of Ra, in later times cults reassociated her with love._  
  
Two opposite ends of the spectrum. The warrior, the lover, the reaper, the mother. Sounded like Buffy. Two small finely crafted statues and a delicately cut Ankh, symbol of life, of silver, this would do for her. He knew it would never be enough, but it was a start.  
  
As usual people were smoking everywhere. Spike was surprised they weren't still smoking while they boarded. He'd never really been on a plane before. Generally too risky with the sun and windows and all, and pricey. Usually he preferred to travel in style and class, as a stowaway in the belly of a freightliner. Plane was nice enough; it lacked the chaos of the airport and of Cairo in general. He popped his last sleeping pill with a small cup of water in the waiting area prior to boarding, and he felt it kick in. Silent slumber awaited him, as London called.


	3. Trying

i'm losing ground you know how this world can beat you down  
i'm made of clay i fear i'm the only one who thinks this way  
i'm always falling down the same hill bamboo puncturing skin  
and nothing comes bleeding out of me just like the waterfall i'm drowning in  
2 feet below the surface i can still make out your wavy face  
and if i could just reach you maybe i could leave this place  
i do not want this  
don't you tell me how i feel, you don't know just how i feel  
i stay inside my bed i have lived so many lives all in my head  
don't tell me that you care there really isn't anything. is there?  
you would know. wouldn't you?  
you extend your hand to those who suffer  
to those you know what it really feels like  
to those who've had a taste  
like that means something  
and oh so sick i am  
and maybe i don't have a choice  
and maybe this is all i have  
and maybe this is a cry for help  
i do not want this  
don't you tell me how i feel, you don't know just how i feel  
i want to know everything  
i want to be everywhere  
i want to do something that matters  
-T. Reznor, "i do not want this"  


**Sunnydale, California, USA**

"DAWN! Get your ass down here right now!"   
  
Dawn was always so pokey. Two weeks until the new High School opened. Two weeks before Dawn would be placed directly on top of the old school, right over the hell mouth. Xander was working on the project and reassured Buffy that there was nothing shady going on. All was sound and good. They had snuck down into the site a few nights to check all of it out. It all appeared fine, but so did the old High School.   
  
"Fine Dawn, if you don't want any new clothes we don't have to go, its not like I can afford it anyways!"  
  
This year had been terrible. Brought back from Heaven only to slave away at a greasy burger joint for minimum wage while still defending the world from eminent destruction at the hand of 3 dorks and her best friend, who then flayed alive one of said dorks. Yeah what a blast, she really must remember this the next time someone tried to raise her from the dead.  
  
Sunnydale had been relatively quiet all summer, it usually is, days are really long, and most vamps go into hiding, hibernation almost. _Wow, can they really hibernate, are they like bears?_ Buffy saw it once on the Discovery channel, hibernating bears that was. She imagined them having dens and everything. That would be neat, and it would be so much easier to kill them if they really hibernated.  
  
It was even quieter because everyone was gone. Willow was whisked away to England with Giles about 5 minutes after Tara's funeral. Anya spent most of the summer trying to piece back together the Magic Box when she wasn't globe teleporting to exact vengeance on lovers scorned. Spike had disappeared after, after the incident. Xander and Dawn were there. Dawn spent most of the summer with Janice. They went camping and did all sorts of normal things that she should be doing. She also got pretty good at that whole internet thing. She was like a Willow in training without the evil magic. Xander worked most of the summer on the school project. Buffy worked most of the summer flipping burgers trying to repay Xander for the full copper repipe he paid for. It was lonely. Clem came around once in a while to watch Dawn, they rented a lot of cheesy romantic comedies and Dawn told her he always cried when J Lo got the guy. He was such a mush.  
  
Buffy wondered if any of them would ever come back. She had really come to grips with this whole 'back from the dead life sucks but I have to live it anyways' thing. She was pretty happy to be here even. But she was also pretty lonely. Buffy thought she felt alone when they were here, but she only felt worse now.

* * *

**London, England**

You must be the Vamp." A woman with an Eastern European accent said.  
  
"Might be, you Giles's friend?"  
  
"I am Zaezilla. You are to come with me. We can't waste time here it will be day soon and you will go poof!"  
  
"Who you calling poof?"  
  
She lead him to her car. It was in one piece. After being in Africa so long Spike was actually starting to think all cars were painted with primer and missing crucial parts.   
  
"I paint back windows black. Front ones are tinted dark. There is a blanket to hide under so you do not fry. Verstand? I mean Understand?"   
  
"Yeah, fine." He handed her his bag. She reminded him of some sort of East German dominatrix, before the wall came down. Spike couldn't imagine the kind of things she was capable of as a witch.  
  
"I am perfectly capable as a witch. I am full of goodness. Now get in the auto!"  
  
_Great another one with the mind reading. Terrific._  
  
Zaezilla the Hun didn't talk during the trip. Luckily it was a wonderfully gloomy English day so the blanket was unnecessary. Looking out the window at London and later the countryside a flood of memories came back. Small towns Angelus ate his way through. Dead prostitute drops in alleyways. Dress shops where shopkeepers became all you can eat buffet and coutier. The headaches were starting again. The voices were everywhere he looked. Spike could hear them screaming and cursing him. It was hell in his head. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.  
  
"I know why you are here, what's your name?"  
  
"It's William, I mean Spike, and everyone calls me Spike."  
  
"Spike, you have been restored. You are being tortured by your past, you are looking for solutions."  
  
"Well, yes, that's... No, no that's not it at all. Giles owes me 4 pounds and I just want it back. Yeah that's it."  
  
"You cannot lie to me, so stop. I can see through it like glass. You want to know how to make the pain stop. How to silence their screams. How to redeem yourself to her."  
  
"Damn, you're pretty good. Mind if I smoke?"  
  
"Smoking will kill you, but you are already dead so it doesn't matter does it? Go, smoke."  
  
"Are there solutions, can I be helped?"  
  
"Yes, you can find solace. You will, forgiveness is all around you; you just have to ask for it. The spirits know what you have done, all they want is your admission of guilt, that you are pained by it."  
  
"I keep telling them. I know I was a bad, rude man. Not a man, a thing. I tell them I am sorry I beg forgiveness and it never comes. If it is everywhere, why isn't it here?" Spike points at his head.  
  
"Love is forgiveness, Love isn't brains William, its blood."  
  
"Hey! That's my line witch!"  
  
"I mean you can think you are good, you can think you are honorable, you can think you are sorry, but it if isn't in you then it isn't so. It has to be blood, gut, it has to be in you, not just thought by you."  
  
"Well, I'm trying alright? I haven't had a soul in over 100 years! Its a bit hard to readjust."  
  
"You didn't need to get the soul. A soul isn't what makes a man, its what's in his blood. You above all, a blood drinker should know that. You weren't always such a tough guy! Don't deny your nature. You know what you really are. It's not evil; it's never been evil. You are driven only by love. It can make you do things you never thought possible. You killed your first out of heartbreak, out of love's pain. You have always lived by love's pain."  
  
"Well, don't we think we know everything?"  
  
"If you accept this and truly believe it, the pain will stop. Angelus only learned to live when he found something to live for, something to do. You already do what his purpose became, you watch her, you guide her, you protect her, and you love her in a way he never could. You can have true happiness if you let yourself, and you can give it to her as well."  
  
"What do you know of Angelus? I am nothing like that poof!"  
  
"I know more than you will ever believe."  
  
"Yeah, whatever."  
  
Her words were sitting like bitter gems in his mouth. Spike knew she aws right. He knew this, but he just didn't want to end up the blubbering idiot William was. He was pathetic, Spike wasn't. Spike would never be.  
  
"You will find your own way, you can reconcile yourself."  
  
"Can you stop now? I've really heard enough."  
  
"She will tell you. She thinks of you even now. She can't fool herself out of this, she will tell you."  
  
"Who? You? You're one crazy bitch you know that? I mean I have met some crazy women in my life, spent a century with one of them, but she was nothing like you!"  
  
"You know who I am talking about. You did all of this for her. To be the man she wants, to be the man she will have. Your words may fail, your intentions may falter, but underneath it all you are a good man, she knows this, you didn't need a soul to show her this."

* * *

**Buffy's thoughts & dreams**

_His hands were all over me, the hunger inside of me never was filled like this before. It's like he knows where to touch me, like he knows my body inside and out. Like he was meant to do this, made to do this even. Oh God! Cold lipped kisses down my spine, fingers pushing me into ecstasy. Letting me ride until the explosive end and then coming back for more immediately. It was heaven, as close as I could come to it on earth. Safety, comfort, pleasure, all his gifts to me.   
"Tell me you love me"  
"I Love you, you know I do"  
"Tell me you want me."  
"I always want you. In point of fact-"  
"Shut up"  
The sincerity in his eyes made me want him more, and made me want to deny it more. I just wanted to be consumed. He was the best lover I have ever had, not Riley Finn, not Angel; none of them could even light a match compared to the inferno between us.   
  
"Trust is for old marrieds Buffy. Great love is wild, and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes."  
"Until there's nothing left, love like that doesn't last."  
  
But it does. I can't get it out of my system. Even after he attacked me I know I still care about him, for him. I need him, and I drove him away. I drive them all away. I know his attack wasn't so much about actually raping me, but trying to get validation from me. I just couldn't give it. I could never let him finish. I could admit I let him in, let him sit on the couch put up his feet and watch TV; then I bashed him over the head with the door, repeatedly. I just wanted to feel, and he was the only one who could make me feel like I really was alive. When I started to feel really alive, I had to push him away cos I knew he would be able to feel it, my love.  
  
It's the worst at night. I lay in bed and I can almost feel him, cool flesh, spooning me from behind. Gentle arms with forceful intentions wrapped around me.   
"It'll be alright love, just sleep I'll be here."  
But he isn't. He isn't there, he lied, he said he would never leave me; he's gone now. But I can feel him; at least I can feel the memory of him.  
  
Damnit Buffy! You are a moron. No wonder slayers were never meant to last past age 16. Maybe we are incapable of love. Incapable of really living. God knows even though I do have these feelings its rarely for the 'breath of life' type. Its not like I will ever see him again. I think he's really gone this time. Probably off gallivanting with Drusilla. Ick! Crazy weird Drusilla. Oh no! Did that mean I am crazy and weird too? Weird yes, crazy no. I just need to get this out of my head, out of my system. It'll go away as soon as the killing season comes back. That lust for vampire dust. Ha! That rhymed! _

* * *

**Westbury, England**

She finally shut up. _Stupid witch. Acting like she knew what was going on with him. She knew nothing. If she did, she would have shut up a long time ago._ Spike knew he destroyed whatever chance he had with Buffy that night in the bathroom. It was over, all he could hope to do is redeem himself to her._ There's that bloody word again! Redeem, redemption, why do I need to do this?_ Was it really for her? Or was this for him? Giving him what he deserved for hurting her. Spike swore he would never, that he could never hurt her, not after she came back. What'd it take? Two hours a bottle of Jack and Anya? Fifteen minutes in a bathroom? He even made himself want to retch occasionally. This was one of those moments. He knew what he did to her, and he had done it on purpose, which made it somehow worse. Spike knew if she found out it would hurt her the way she hurt him. Time and time again, she had just bashed him in, tore him down, ripped him apart, all because she was scared of who she really was. Scared of how angry she was that she had to come back. Vampires' talk a big game, but the truth is, given the chance again, they would have never wanted to be turned. They would have never come back. He knew what it was like to lose that choice, and to be mad as hell about it. Now she did too.  
  
"We are here, stop your daydreams. Get in the back; the young witch can't know you are here yet. I will not tell her."  
  
"Fine, but I will be putting in a protest to Giles about your madness. I don't think Red should be allowed next to you, you really are a crazy bitch."  
  
"The truth is usually regarded as false, the truth teller thought mad. I know this."  
  
Spike hunkered down in the back seat. _Yeah,_ he thought, _this is really inconspicuous. No one would ever guess there was a really pasty man hiding under a blanket in the back seat of car with painted out windows. Christ, even Willow knows how to transport a vampire._  
  
"Giles, hello. Our package arrives intact, but sadly without tact."  
  
"Zaezilla, head over to the coven's building. They are expecting you. Willow is over there with them. I will get Spike inside and taken care of."  
  
Giles poked his head into the front window. Spike had left it open.   
  
"Spike? Spike are you in there?"  
  
Spike lifted off the blanket. "Where'd you think I went? She said I was in the damn car. Crazy woman she is! Crazy Giles. Insane! Don't let Red near her."  
  
"Spike, she's not crazy. Just a seer. I should have thought twice about her bringing you here, but I didn't."  
  
"Yeah well remember Drusilla was a seer and look at how well that turned out! Crazy as a bed bug!"  
  
Spike got out of the back seat. Giles had already grabbed his bag out of the trunk. He followed him into this massive stone estate.  
  
"Well, well Giles you never told me your home was so posh. Really, why'd you ever come to Sunnydale? Yeah its dark and dank, but a man could get used to living like this! It's so, subterranean. I like it!"  
  
"Well, it's not mine, I sold my flat to buy the magic box. The coven lets me stay here for free. They have plenty of rooms."  
  
"I always knew witches had good taste. Reminds me of the old days. Quite pleasant even. We holed up in a place like this right after I was turned. We got chased out of London. I wasn't anyone's favorite vampire. Not classy or chameleon, like the others, instead I was my own man. Thus we ended up living in an abandoned estate after this 'own man' left a trail of bodies to the flat."  
  
"Lovely story Spike, really. Now come lets get you a room up stairs. I got a pint or two from the blood bank for you, I'll grab one for you."  
  
"Giles, I am really against the whole consumption of human blood these days. It's a little too much for me to handle right now, and I think I won't ever be able to handle it again."  
  
"Fine. We'll head out to a butcher in the morning."  
  
Spike followed him up a massive set of stone steps. Complete with red tapestry down the center, and large stained glass window at the top of the flight. There must have been a hundred rooms in this place.  
  
"Spike, here is where you'll stay. All the witches, Willow included sleep in the opposite wing to this one. I sleep down the hall. They don't come down here, so they won't bother you."  
  
"Fine Giles. I don't sleep much anyways. The only sleep I've gotten in a short age was courtesy of your pills. Right fine they are."  
  
"I can get you some more if need be. Now I think you have some explaining to do."  
  
He had set Spike's bag down near a vanity. There was a large fireplace and some chairs to rest on. This room felt like Spike's old room. Like William's room, in a house before central heat, when coal and wood kept you warm in drafty winter. The large four-post bed faced the fireplace. Covered in old velvet duvets. It was just what he didn't need right now.  
  
"Giles you are going to want to sit. Wait, when did you get rid of your glasses? You look so very Ripper right now. It's sort of unnerving."  
  
"I got contacts. I had to keep replacing my broken frames and lenses so I decided this might be a better way. I mean how many times will my contacts fly out of my eyes when I am knocked unconscious by some sort of hell beast?" He said as he sat in one of the chairs.  
  
"Giles," Spike said sitting across from him, on the edge of the seat. "I went and got my soul back. There was a rumor, a legend really that it could be done in a cave near the seashore outside of modern day Mombassa. It was one of those jokes you know, like an urban myth. I figured it was my only hope. If it didn't exist I was just going to take a stroll in the noon-day sun."  
  
"Now, am I hearing you correctly? You have gotten your soul back from some sort of legendary cave?"  
  
"Not the cave, it's what lives in the cave. It's some sort of demon who gets his rocks off torturing my kind and then giving them what they came for."  
  
"A demon that can restore souls? He's not in any of the demon literature. I've never even heard this legend."  
  
"Well you aren't the undead now are you? See I've a deal for you. You help me with the headaches and nightmares; I give you the demon scoop of the century. It'll get you back in the good graces of the Council, maybe get you reinstated."  
  
"Well, yes this would be amazing. I mean a whole new class of demon, and proof of his existence. This could be very important. But I still don't get it, you went to get a soul?"  
  
"The chip only stopped me from doing what I innately needed to do. A soul stops me on a whole other level. I mean now I can't kill not because of pain, I just can't bring myself to do it. They haunt me, those who I've killed. They follow me around, they nag around in my head, and they give me no peace. I can't even get a night of sleep without one of them attacking me, and me begging to be forgiven. It's not enough to ask, or to apologize. I have to make up for it in a real physical way."  
  
"I had no idea you were so philosophical."  
  
"I was once an educated gentleman. I mean my poetry was god awful, but I was quite sharp, still am." Spike paused, "So now I need your help to help me get my redemption. Help me make up for my wrongs. Now I want to help because I need to for me, for all of them, not because I am trying to get in Buffy's pants. I need to do this for me, and I need you to help me. It'll be easier for me to go back if it starts here."  
  
"Spike I don't even know what to say."  
  
"Just say, 'Spike I will help you.' If you can't say that I need to leave now."  
  
"Yes, of course I will help you. I am just not sure how."  
  
"Well, first off you will keep me in sleeping pills so I can get my senses about me. Pigs' blood would be preferable, warmed with the weetabix crumbled in it like I like. Get me some paper, I will write you the legend and facts, as I know it about this demon in Africa. This is what I need to do. I need to tangibly do something, words aren't enough anymore."  
  
"I am sure Willow or the Coven could do some sort of binding spell to stop the haunting."  
  
"I don't want magic. I want to do this the right way. This is what I need to do. Inside I am a good man, the monster in me has had control for far too long, and that side of me needs to pay. I am still a monster, but that will not dictate what I do."  
  
"Fine, I will get you a blank book to put the information in." Giles got up to leave.  
  
"Giles, can I ask you something?"  
  
"Well yes, I guess."  
  
"How is she?"  
  
"Who? Buffy?"  
  
"Yeah, I heard some pretty horrible things went down after my exit. Sounds like she doesn't know anyone who hasn't done something unforgivable, except for the wanker, but his existence alone is pretty unforgivable."  
  
"She's doing fine I think. I really haven't been talking to her. Willow talks to Dawn once in a while. She's not allowed to call Buffy or Xander, not until she's doing a bit better. Dawn says things are going well, but she always says that. The roof could have blown off of the house and Dawn would think it was fine."  
  
"So the Niblet is good, that's good."  
  
"She did mention once that Buffy was lonely, and incredibly poor again. I was going to try to negotiate with the council to give her a stipend or salary, but I had no business going there. Now I do."  
  
"Good. By the way, I know you told me not to spend the money you left me on booze, which was tempting, as the water in Nairobi, well lets just say it was memorable. But I did pick some things up. Here these are for you."  
  
"Spike, you didn't need to do this. Ooo tea glasses! Fine, very fine."  
  
"I got things for the others, could you arrange for them to be sent out?"  
  
"Yes of course. There is some stationary in the vanity over there, you can write some notes if you want. Where do they need to go?"  
  
"Anya, Willow, Buffy and Dawn. I was going to get Xander a coloring book and some crayons but I thought it may be above his intellectual level."  
  
"Right. I will set up for a post drop then. I will be back later with the book and to set up the parcels. It will be dark in about 2 hours. There is a balcony through those curtains, you can climb down to the garden if you want to go for a walk."  
  
"Fine. Thanks."  
  
Giles left. It had been tiring just to get through this. Spike was so tense waiting for Giles to explode on something or him. It was like Giles was expecting this. Damn witch must have sent him brain signals and told him. 

* * *

"Yes, hello, is this the Council of Watchers? I need to speak with Nicholls, now."  
  
"Who is this?"  
  
"This is Rupert Giles, I need to talk to him immediately this is of the up most importance."  
  
"He has directed me to not put you through. You are no longer a member of this organization sir."  
  
"I have information on a new species of Demon. I have a source of information. I am willing to trade the information for a small token. It's not for me, I don't want my job back, but I do need something from the council."  
  
"Mr. Giles, I am not supposed to do this, but I will."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Click.  
  
"This is Michael Nicholls, how can I help you?"  
  
"Michael, this is Rupert. You are never going to believe this."  
  
"I don't want to hear it, I don't have time to hear about your former charges problems."  
  
"Michael, this has little to do with her. I found a new species or type of Demon. I have information on it, and confirmation of its existence and location."  
  
"I'm listening, but this better not be some cheap plot to get your job back."  
  
"No, in exchange, I want a stipend or even salary for Buffy. She's outlasted all the others, and if she can't afford to find somewhere to live she will won't last much longer."  
  
"This depends on how important this Demon is. Really Rupert if you expect me to make this sort of deal over the phone, you are gravely mistaken."  
  
"This Demon has a power we didn't know existed outside of witchcraft. It can restore souls."  
  
The line went silent.   
  
"Michael? Michael are you there?"  
  
"Yes, yes I am here. I just can't believe what I have been told. You say you have proof?"  
  
"He's in a room down the hall. He came to me for help, he will write down everything you need to know. The legend, the facts, where, and how, but I won't bring him to you."  
  
"Rupert, now you must be kidding. Anyone could write up a fake story. I need to see this."  
  
"Then you will have to come here. But if you are satisfied with its truth you have to pay Buffy, and she needs back pay. She's been at this a long time; saved the world plenty of times, even sacrificed herself for it. Done a hell of a better job than Faith, so I think she deserves it."  
  
"Fine. When do you want to see me?"  
  
"Tomorrow after sundown. You are to be alone, no tag alongs."  
  
"Yes, yes I will see you then."

* * *

The vanity was more of a writing desk. There was some nice parchment and some good quality pens. It had been years since Spike had written anything. He hoped it was like riding a bicycle cos this could end up terrible. Even so, he knew his handwriting would look more like calligraphy than writing today. Back in the day it was all flowers and curlicues, now it was block letters, which was so terribly harsh.  
  
_Anya:  
I am sorry about the ménage trois between you, Jack Daniels and myself. I hear you are back to your old trade. Hope that's going well. Here are some hair things. Just so you know, it looks fine. Don't turn anyone into a troll, except maybe Xander.  
Spike  
  
  
Willow:  
Heard you tried to end the world. Glad you didn't. Hope things are getting settled down. Saw this on my travels thought of you. If you didn't know it's Isis raising Osiris from the dead, just like you did. Only Buffy didn't become the god of the Underworld, instead she got to be Buffy again, and she's not blue or a man. You get it. Don't try to end the world anytime soon, Man U is having a good season and I would hate for you to knock it all up.  
Spike  
  
Niblet:  
Sorry I left without good-bye. I never meant to pull a Captain Cardboard on you. I am sure you have heard what happened between your sis and me. I am sorry about that too. I would still die to protect you, I hope you know that. I found these on my travels. They are the Aten, the sun disk, the energy of the good, the producer of life. They are light, like you. I know they don't make up for what I did but someday I will. Don't play too much rummy with Clem, he tends to cheat.  
Spike_  
  
Those were easy enough, but how in the hell do you write a 'sorry I almost raped you, here are some presents, please forgive me, I still love you' letter? Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. She hated him, she had every reason to hate him, to hate the monster in him. He knew he did.  
  
_Buffy:  
Hello, this is awkward and strange so bear with me. I am sorry. More sorry than you can fathom, and I am doing my best to be a better man than I was. I know that probably means nothing to you, but I really am sorry with every inch of my being. I can't stand myself. If I could, I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror after what I done to you. I mean this. I am a different person now, a better person, please believe me.  
While traveling I thought of you. These things are for you. They are statuary and silver from Egypt. The cat headed woman is Bastet, she is a protector, she is agile and strong, and she symbolizes life and love. The one with the lion is Sekmeht or something like that, she is a warrior, she bears the wrath of the gods, and she smites the big bad. Both are you. They are pieces of you. Finally is the ankh, it is a symbol of life. The life you didn't want but that you must lead. I hope that you can be happy in it.   
I don't know if I will ever return, but if I do, I will do whatever it takes to make things up to you. I know you could never love me the way I wanted, I understand that now. I only want you to be able to trust me. If not with your heart, at least with your life. Please accept this as a beginning of a new chapter for me, and hopefully, you.  
Love, Spike_  
  
Spike thought he should eliminate the Love, thing. It was probably too weird. No, he decided should leave it, it was sincere and that's what matters.  
  
"Spike? Are the things ready? Here is the book. I also brought you up a spot of tea. I won't have blood til tomorrow."  
  
"Yes, here they are. Don't read any of the notes. Please don't. And don't send all of them to Anya, you know she'll rip through everything, and ruin it all."  
  
"Right, of course. You can get to writing in this in the morning. The windows in here are stained glass and dark so you won't fry. Here is a sleeping pill. If you think you will need it. I will stop in the morning and see if you need anything. I may need to bring you to the council."  
  
"Great, why don't you just break my legs and drop in front of some lions?"  
  
"Spike, now, I will only take you if I must and under the complete understanding that they can't kill you."  
  
"Fine."  
  
Night."  
  
Giles left, with parcels in tow. It was night now. The tea was still hot. it was a bit strange, the craving for warmth vampires have. Anything warm or hot was like heaven. Spike thinks a walk would be nice under the stars. He hadn't been around here in so long it might feel good to stretch out and take a look around.  
  
The large window behind the massive velvet curtain was unlocked and opened easily. A small wrought iron balcony with ladder descending was on the outside. He climbed down to the gardens. The place was expertly manicured. They even had the shrubbery cut into little animals and such. The earth was soggy. It must have been raining for days before he arrived. That's just the England he remembered! The earth smelled so clean, like home. No wonder Dracula took a bit of home everywhere he went, it was satisfying, comfortable.   
  
The sky was so clear; the clouds must have broken up sometime after sundown. He laid down on the grass to look up at the sky. It was so beautiful. Stars everywhere. Perfect time for a smoke. The only thing that could make this perfect for him is a bottle of wine and Buffy. But a smoke would do.  
  
"Well, look at what we have here."  



	4. Call to Duty

"i opened my eyes, the fire had come,   
not for the end of days, not for the faithless ones.   
not for vision understood, burns because it has to burn,   
change'll happen whether we, are still or moving.   
breathe in waves of doubt, bitter in your mouth   
you will exhale cinnamon clouds.   
when it is quiet and still, i can feel older here.   
change what i can and pray, the hope will not disappear.   
when we are not denying anything, nothing is an enemy,   
delicately balancing, the perfect world.   
ride these waves of doubt, bitter in your mouth   
you will exhale cinnamon clouds.   
little heaven,   
riding waves of doubt, turns me inside out   
i will exhale primal shout.   
little heaven,   
i understand, the fire will come   
not for the strength of will, or passion of anyone.   
i understand, the fire will come   
not for the end of days, not for the faithless ones." -G. Phillips 'Little Heaven'  


**Westbury, England**

"Willow?"  
  
"What are you doing here? What do you want?"  
  
"Willow, hello, I just got in this afternoon. I wasn't expecting to run into you."  
  
"You didn't, you were laying there, I ran into you, and not even into you more like about you. Anyways what do you want?"  
  
"Well, nice to see you too! All you witches are the same, 'what do you want? Cryptic prediction. What do you want?' What do you want?"  
  
"I just want to know what you are doing here."  
  
"Well, I am on holiday. That's right; vampire takes a holiday. Thought I'd come back to my homeland, rejuice, revamp if you will."  
  
"You're lying."  
  
"Like you would know!"  
  
"I do know."  
  
"Well what are you doing this evening? Out for a stroll are we? Where's the boy wanker?"  
  
"Xander, as the rest of us humans call him, is in Sunnydale. Yes I am out for a walk; I am communing with nature I'll have you know. And nature is communing all night long so I can commune with it."  
  
"Yeah, okay."  
  
"Giles gave me your package."  
  
"What? Shit, I didn't realize you were here. I forgot, I figured he would at least wait a day to give it to you."  
  
"So you were in Egypt? That scroll thing was pretty neat. There's still a cult of witches that worship Isis, one of the Coven members is a member. She thought the scroll was great, but she thought it was made of banana leaves."  
  
"Bastard, he told me over and over again, that it wasn't banana leaf!"  
  
"It's still cool. Papyrus is overrated, banana leaves last longer. Wanna walk with me?"  
  
"Then you'd be communing with the undead, not nature."  
  
"I don't care I just need out of that stuffy castle thing. What do they call it again?"  
  
"An estate. It's an estate Red."  
  
"Yeah, let's walk."  
  
They started off. She knew the grounds pretty well, showed him the outbuilding the coven was schooling her in. At the edge of the property was a long wall.   
  
"You wanna sit?"  
  
"Sure Red. Whatever you want."  
  
"Something's different. Different about you, I can feel it. You're softer."  
  
"Softer? Great I am the great fluffy vampire! Yeah, something's changed, but if I tell you, you can't tell anyone, and I mean anyone named Dawn, Anya, Xander, Buffy anyone who knows me or who might come into contact with any of the above. Giles knows, but no one else."  
  
"Your secrets safe with me. Lips are sealed, key thrown away."  
  
"I got my soul back."  
  
"What! Whoa, you are so lying. I have the only copy of the spell to do that. So I know you are lying."  
  
"You know there are other ways to get a soul back. Sought a legend, saw a demon, suffered a lot, got back soul, it was pretty simple."  
  
"Why? Why would you do that?"  
  
"Cos I couldn't live with myself. I am sure you know what I tried to do. I needed to kill the monster to bring forth the man."  
  
"Wow, holy philosophical."  
  
"Yeah I thought it had epiphany written all over it as well. Of course it didn't start that way, at first I wanted the chip out. But then I sort of found myself asking to be restored to my original self, like I couldn't control myself. Like the man in me finally came through."  
  
"Why'd you want the chip out? You could kill Buffy before, with the chip."  
  
"It wasn't so I could kill her, it was so I could drive her to kill me."  
  
"You know you really have that moody Englishman thing down to a science. I mean I thought Angel was tortured, but you really have taken that throne."  
  
"Well it's nice to know even with a soul I am better than that poof."  
  
"That wasn't what I was saying. So what are you gonna do now?"  
  
"I'm going to bloody Disney land."  
  
"Really? I mean there can't be much to do at night, Oooo but they do have that cool light parade."  
  
"Willow, I was screwing with you babe."  
  
"Oh, right. Sorry."  
  
"Well I am helping Giles write an account of this Demon who did this to me and his story and stuff. He's going to give it to the council, try to get something out of it for Buffy. Then, well then I am not sure. I'm not doing so well you know. Headaches, haunts and hamsters."  
  
"Hamsters? Oh right you are so messing with me. So is the chip acting up, is that what's causing the headaches? I should be able to take a look at that for you, I mean I have some stuff here and we can see if there is anything we can do outside of cutting open your head, cos that is so not my thing."  
  
"More like the screams of my victims. They come to me in my dreams, dead people, people I have killed, people I ate. That Chinese Slayer came to me too, but I still can't make out a damn thing she says."  
  
"You see dead people?" Willow giggled, "I mean, wow, that must be awful. But you probably deserve it, I mean you were like total evil for 100 years, so I am sure you had to pay some way."  
  
"Yeah, you're right. I know this, but I am trying to make right. Trying to make right without becoming a complete ponce."  
  
"Well I think this is enough deep stuff for me for one night. I need to sleep, but I am not saying that in a 'haha I can sleep cos I am not haunted by the thousands of people I have killed over my lifetime as a vampire' sort of way. Just in a sleepy witch sort of way."  
  
"I'll walk back with you."  
  
The walk was short; Spike could feel dawn licking at their heels.  
  
"Spike, you know if Buffy can forgive me for almost ending the world I am sure she can forgive you for an indiscretion. I mean you did a lot of good. One bad moment doesn't negate all of that. You took care of Dawn, and you took care of Buffy when she came back. She knows that."  
  
"Yeah well, I am not looking for her to wipe the slate clean. I want to have to earn her back. I don't deserve her if she just acts like nothing happened. That's only asking for trouble to brew under the surface, trouble full of anger and hate. She's forgiven you?"  
  
"Not yet, but I know what you mean about the brewing. Sometimes don't you wish it could just go back to the way it was before?"  
  
"Everyday."

* * *

Spike slept for most of the day. Giles couldn't blame him; those pills could really knock you out. Giles nearly tripped over the book on his way out of his room in the morning. Spike must have been up half the night writing up the legend and facts about the Demon. They still didn't have a name for it. Even Spike didn't know what it was called. But that was fine.  
  
"Giles? Mr. Giles? You have a guest."  
  
"Oh right, Sara send him into the library. Could you please see if Spike is awake and have him come down to meet us?"  
  
"Sir, I am scared of him. I don't want to do that."  
  
"Fine, understandable. I will get him, show Mr. Nicholls to the library, and serve him some tea, I will be down in a moment."  
  
Walking down the hall Giles wondered if this was still some sort of joke, a farce, Spike pulling a fast one. Giles meant it wouldn't be the first time.  
  
The bed was empty.  
  
"Spike? Spike are you in here?"  
  
There was a noise in the corner, a whelp almost.  
  
"I'm so sorry, I-i-i-i never meant it to be like this. Please!"  
  
It was Spike; he was in a disheveled state on the floor. Crumbled like a note and running with tears. Heaving with sobs, he looked up.  
  
"Get out of here. Now! Stop looking at me!"  
  
"Spike, are you alright?"  
  
"Do I look alright? Leave me alone! I don't think I can go on like this. I don't think I can do this. I am not this strong."  
  
"Rubbish! Spike that's plain rubbish. Get off your ass, and stop whimpering like a child. Look at you, what a sorry state! Nicholls from the Watchers Council is here. He is here for your story. Now I don't think i can bring down a blubbering shell of a vampire and tell him that this is what the Demon can do, and still get him to give Buffy the money she deserves."  
  
"Sod off!"  
  
"Fine, then get out!"  
  
Spike seemed to shake himself out of the spell.  
  
"Giles I'm sorry. I am just so buggered in the head right now, and all I want to do is die. But I can't. I will be down in a few minutes. Let me clean myself up. "  
  
"Please hurry, we will be in the library. Nicholls has the attention span of a gnat."  
  
"Right, I'll be down."

* * *

Mr. Giles, your guest is not alone. Should I take them both tea?"  
  
"Sara, what? There are two of them? Figures. Yes, actually make it for four, Spike will be joining us shortly."  
  
As he entered the room, Giles' worst fear came true. There he was, Quentin Travers. What a badger he was! Couldn't keep his nose out of anything. As director of the council he did more to piss Giles' off than anyone on earth.  
  
"Rupert! What a pleasure. Mr. Nicholls told me about your discovery and I just had to see it for myself."  
  
"You weren't invited. I would appreciate it if you would leave, now."  
  
"Now Rupert, stop it. I am not here to start a fight; I just want to see what you have brought us. I am the one who decides if Buffy gets paid. There is quite a bounty on this recollection, and I need to see it to make my decision. Now where is your restored vampire?"  
  
"He is coming. Nicholls, you couldn't keep your bloody mouth shut for 1 day could you?"  
  
"Well, Rupert, its not entirely his fault. I received calls from both Samuel and Abdullah about their cargo. Abdullah really seemed to enjoy his time with your traveler. If you are using my watchers as babysitters than I have a right to be involved. It's not like I can deport you this time." Quentin laughed.  
  
"Fine. But I have the feeling there is something else going on besides the freak show."  
  
"We will discuss that later."  
  
Spike entered the room carrying the book Giles had left with him.  
  
"Evening. Here is your book, all the info I have, take a good look at me cos I am the proof, and now I have to go." He threw the book at Travers, remarkably Travers caught it.  
  
"Just you wait one minute." Travers couldn't keep his damn mouth shut.  
  
"Oh look its the Tweed Avenger! Look, I told you I had this info, I offered it up, but I never agreed to a cup of tea and civilized conversation with you. If I am not mistaken your Council's objectives are still to wipe the world clean of the likes of me, soul or no soul."  
  
"Actually Mr...?"  
  
"Its Spike, no Mister."  
  
"Yes, Spike, well the Council has no real stance on souled Vampires. Plus our arm of power is still seated at the Hell mouth, so I think you are safe as houses."  
  
"Right then. What do you want? I gave you all I knew in that book. Sorry if the writings a little scratchy, 'avn't written in a bit."  
  
"What have your souled experiences been like?"  
  
"Oh they are a real joy, you know all puppies and sunshine! Toss off! My soul is none of your business." Spike tapped out a cigarette from the pack. "And I'll have you know I'm not gonna become one of your agents or whatever they are, I have my own purpose!"  
  
"Which is?"  
  
"None of your bloody well business!"  
  
"Fine then, we were willing to offer you safe passage back to the Hell mouth, but if you aren't interested..."  
  
"What? I'm listening."  
  
"We would like you to return to the Hell mouth, keep us abreast of the situation."  
  
"What situation? I'm not going to be your damn eyes and ears! I am not a spy!"  
  
"Not as a spy. Something is coming, and you will be needed."  
  
"Giles do they teach cryptic at the Council cos I think I need to brush up on my 'we're not telling you the whole story' skills."  
  
"Spike, this is serious. This has nothing to do with Mr. Giles. You have superior strength to an average human. There is still only one slayer, well two, but only one is at the Hell mouth, and she can't take what is coming on her own. Mr. Giles will be serving in a different position."  
  
"So let me get this right, something is coming, Slayer can't take it on her own, you need me to lend some muscle to the situation to keep the Slayer safe?"  
  
"Yes, in a nutshell."  
  
"What is it? What is coming after her? Nothing can happen to her! Do you hear me? Nothing! You aren't even going to tell her what is headed her way are you? And how do you know I can do anything about it? I can't even be told what it is, so how am I supposed to save her?"  
  
"Buffy is no longer under the jurisdiction of the Council. Nor is Faith. We technically have 2 rogue Slayers out there. One is completely capable without us, and I believe the other is currently incarcerated."  
  
"Well I am going to need to know what is coming, otherwise the deal is off."  
  
"We aren't quite sure, that's part of the problem. We can let you know when we figure it out, but it is very important that we get you back to Sunnydale to begin your role."  
  
"Buffy an I aren't on the greatest of terms. I don't think she'd let me protect her let alone let me near her."  
  
"Spike is right Quentin, him and Buffy had a bit of an incident and I don't think this is advisable."   
  
"Giles stay out of this. Now I can't imagine that what happened was so awful. You will be heading out tomorrow if you want to do this."  
  
"Well actually it was that bad. You could send me back though and I can slowly work my way back into her good graces. So, yes I guess I will do this. But I am doing it for Buffy, not for the Tweed and Corduroy Club."  
  
"We will send someone by tomorrow to take you. You should leave now."  
  
"Well aren't we demanding? Go protect the Slayer, Go tomorrow, Go now! Blimey, no wonder Buffy cut you off." Spike turned to leave. "Giles where is Willow right now? I need to see her about something."  
  
"Spike I thought she wasn't supposed to know you were here?"  
  
"I ran into her in the garden last night, we keep the same hours you know."  
  
"She should be in her room now, go right at the top of the stairs, first room on the left. Don't tell her you are going home. She shouldn't know."  
  
"Right, fine. Later."  
  
Spike left, headed towards the stairs. Something was going on, and the Council wasn't telling the whole story as far asGiles could tell.  
  
"Rupert, now we come to you."  
  
"Yes, well I should be finishing up with Willow any day and then I can return to my post in Sunnydale."  
  
"We do need you to go to Sunnydale, but you will need to pick some things up on the way."  
  
"Fine, what? I hope my expenses will be covered, I'm not independently wealthy and Willow destroyed my livelihood when she went bad."  
  
"Not what, who. We have had reports from around the globe that our Potential Slayers and their watchers are being slaughtered. They just started to come in. We aren't sure there is reason for alarm yet. This could be nothing, but we think it would be a good time to start sending them to the Slayer. We have notified the remaining watchers with girls to start sending them, but there are some girls who haven't been called yet or whose watchers are now eliminated, we need you to go to them and get them sent to Sunnydale."  
  
"Have any of you notified Buffy on this? I mean they are being sent to her and she has no idea! She won't know what in the hell is going on."  
  
"She won't listen to us, but she will listen to you. We have brought two girls from the area here to be with you, safe within the confines of the coven. Another you can pick up in New York on your way to Sunnydale. You can then explain the situation to Buffy and head out to gather the others."  
  
"What is going on here? What is potentially going on here Quentin? Michael do you know?"  
  
"Sorry Giles I have no idea, very good tea though." Michael said as he looked out on the gardens.  
  
"Rupert, this could be our worst nightmare coming true. In the meanwhile we need to investigate more. If we are right, if our fears are confirmed, we will need all the help we can get."  
  
"I need more information before I agree to this."  
  
"Damnit Giles, Samuel was killed an hour after he sent Spike on his way. Abdullah's girl was gutted in her bed just this morning. Something is coming after them. You have more experience with apocalyptic situations than all of us combined. Your slayer has outlasted all of ours, only you and her can do this."  
  
"When do I leave?"  
  
"In a week, maybe sooner."  
  
"Fine."

* * *

_What a deal! Gee, hi Buffy I know you hate me, but the Council you hate has sent me to protect you! Say, How have you been? Yeah that's going to go over like a ton of bricks. That is if she even will talk to me._ Spike thought as he ascended the stairs. Willow's room was exactly where Giles said it would be.   
  
"Red? Red you in there?" Spike knocked on the door.  
  
"What? Who? Stop the frogs they must not get there!"  
  
"Willow? Are you okay?"  
  
The door opened. A very groggy half awake Willow stood there.   
  
"Spike? What do you want? I am sleepy. It's sleepy time for Willow, you know like that happy little fat bear on the sleepy time tea box?"  
  
"I just need you help for a few minutes, then you can go back to sleep. Alright?"  
  
"Sure, fine sleep is overrated anyways."  
  
Willow's room was a strange mix of witch and shrine to friends. She went in the side room to change into real clothes. On the back of the door were tons of photos. All the Scoobies were there, but it was mostly Buffy and Tara. Spike almost had forgotten what just Buffy's face could do to him. She looked so happy in the photos. One of Willow, Buffy and Anya at the beach was falling off the door. They were all on blankets, in bikinis with drinks with little umbrellas in them. Smiling happily in the summer sun. That body, what that body could do was enough to drive a man to do almost anything.   
  
"Stop drooling Romeo."  
  
"What? Oh this one was falling off, I wasn't trying to nick it."  
  
"I know, I was meaning to tape it back up. So what's up? What'd you need?"  
  
"I am leaving tomorrow."  
  
"You just got here! Please can't you stay? I am so desperate for foolish conversation!"  
  
"I can't, I have to leave. You will probably get to see me in a few weeks. I need a favor from you."  
  
"Fine, where are you going?"  
  
"Can't tell you Red. It's classified."  
  
"Stop talking like Riley, its creepy. What do you need?"  
  
"A haircut, desperately."  
  
"I kinda noticed. I had no idea your hair was so dark. I guess I never realized you bleached it."  
  
"Yeah, its that whole 'blondes have more fun' thing."  
  
"I'm not supposed to do any spells which stop me from doing something I can already do, That means no glamours, no shutting doors from across the room, and no floating objects. I mean like floating a pencil is so evil!"  
  
"I thought we could try this the old fashioned way, I am sure you've got a snips around here somewhere."  
  
"Oh! CUT your hair! I get it, I am probably not going to be very good at it."  
  
"I am sure it will be fine. At least you have fingers to use the snips. Back in Sunnydale I once had to go to a guy with hooves! Needless to say I never went back there!"  
  
"Are we going to dye it too? Cos this could be fun. I mean I could get some highlights out of it!"  
  
"This isn't a make-over party pet. I just need a trim up. I think I'll leave it as it is for a while."  
  
"Okay fine. Hold on."  
  
She came back with a scissors. Spike was still contemplating stealing that photo. He sat in a chair facing the door, he could study the images on the wall, all of them happy moments, how he wished they had shared some of them. Willow began cutting. Small wisps of blonde fell to the floor.  
  
"You want me to just cut off the blonde? That should make it look better, then I am sure you can find someone without hooves to fix it up where ever you are going."  
  
"That'll do."  
  
Spike wasn't up for much chatting after the trim, so he gratefully excused himself afterwards and told Red he would see her soon. He was back in his room when he started second-guessing that decision. On the vanity were three large bottles of sleeping pills. Either Giles was stocking him up or trying to put him into a coma. Spike swallowed one of them with some of the whiskey he nicked while in the library. Just because he had a soul didn't mean he couldn't be a thief. While Spike waited for it to kick in he decided to have a bath. He had those scratchy itchy hairs stuck in his shirt collar and it was about to drive him screaming mad. It would be fine. Tomorrow he would be packed, rested, fed, clean, and ready to embark to the land of 'she could never love me cos I am nothing but a monster but I need to take care of her'. This was about to get interesting.  
  



	5. Inside

**Authors Note:** Thank you for the feedback, I'm eating it up like blood n' weetabix, or maybe not! Please the more feedback the better! I am getting the first 11 chapters of this up as fast as I can reformat them for this site, so stay tuned! BTW: If you're a writer and you review this, I will definately check out your stuff and return the favor, cos I'm good like that! ;)

Ooh, I been dirt, and I don't care.  
'Cause I'm burning inside,  
I'm just a yearning inside,  
and I'm the fire o' life.  
Ooh, I been hurt, and I don't care.  
'Cause I'm burning inside,  
I'm just a dreaming this life,  
And do you feel it?  
Said do you feel it when you touch me?  
There's a fire, Well it's a fire.  
It was just a burning, Burning inside."  
-Iggy Pop 'Dirt'  


**Sunnydale, California**

"Mmmmm, yeah. Oh yeah that's the spot..."  
  
"BUFFY! Wake up and stop talking like a skank!"  
  
"Dawn? What? What's wrong? Why are you up? It's like 4 am!"  
  
"Giles is on the phone. He needs to talk to you, Sleeping Ugly."  
  
"Very funny Dawn, give me the phone and get out of here." Dawn left. "Giles? Hey! How are you! Its so nice of you to call at 4am, when I have important burgers to flip tomorrow!"  
  
"Buffy, I have news for you."  
  
"This better be good cos I was just in the middle of the best dream."  
  
"I am coming for a visit, and I will have some people who need to stay with you, the Council has granted you a salary and, oh yes, Spike is coming back."  
  
"What? How the? Why are you calling me at 4am with all this info? Money, visit, burgers, Spike? What?"  
  
"Buffy there is too much to explain over the phone. I will be arriving in a week with some compatriots I need you to look after. I will also have a check for the retroactive salary the Council has granted you. It should cover the remaining mortgage, the plumbing repairs and anything you or Dawn should need."  
  
"What? Are they paying me to baby-sit now? Money? Why is the council giving me money? What is this? Are they trying to buy me out? I mean the Slayer franchise is owned strictly by me, there will be no Slayer Lands opening up in Japan thanks to this check."  
  
"Buffy, please stop. You have Spike to thank for the salary. The rest I will have to explain when I arrive. Willow should be finished up here the week after I arrive and so she will be back shortly as well."  
  
"What? Giles are you drunk? Spike got me a salary? Who's to thank for your delusions, Jack Daniels or Jose Cuervo?"  
  
"Buffy, I am serious, stop making a mockery of this. Things may be stirring again at the Hell mouth, and they might get really bad."  
  
"So what? Things are always bad here, why is this time different? I mean it must be really bad, cos I always figured it a cold day in hell when the council signed me a check. So what is it? Ice Capades: Hell on Ice? I mean you know I have a thing for figure skating."  
  
"The Council isn't exactly sure what may or may not be coming. I can explain what I know when I get there, but over the phone is really not the place for this."  
  
"Wait, you spend 5 minutes with the Council and you are back to speaking cryptic. Why are you talking to them anyways?"  
  
"Spike had some information for them, we offered it in trade, then they started in about the new big bad."  
  
"So Spike saved the day? I hope this isn't some cheap shot to get in my pants, cos it's really tempting, I mean he's the reason I can get the Air Conditioning fixed!"  
  
"Buffy not everything anyone does is about sex."  
  
"Whoa, who said anything about sex, Who's got what on the Brain?"  
  
"Stop it. He did it for you, not for some reward. Believe it or not Buffy sometimes people do things and don't expect so much as a thanks."  
  
"So I guess the world of Fast Food will be short a soldier in its eternal battle against the home cooked meal. I will so miss the smell of grease in the morning."  
  
"I really ought to be going Buffy. By the way Spike will be arriving in Sunnydale tomorrow."  
  
"Today?"  
  
"Maybe, the time change thing really messes me up. Please be civil with him, I know he fled on the not so best of terms, but he's changed and he is quite ashamed of what happened and how things turned out."  
  
"Yeah fine, I guess I'll see you in a week."  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"What Giles?"  
  
"Be careful, something is going on, things could get really dangerous for you. Watch yourself."  
  
"But isn't that why you are called a watcher? Aren't you supposed to watch me?"  
  
"Stop it Buffy. I need to go, I will see you soon."  
  
"Fine, see you soon. If you need someone to get you from the airport let me know I can send Xander my personal chauffer over to get you."  
  
"Yes, good bye."  
  
_Great, Spike's on his way back. Just when I start to think I am getting over this thing with him, he shows up! Figures, at least I can be pretty positive he won't be showing up with his new evil fighting bride. Oh God, what if he does? No, that so cannot happen._   
  
It was 4:30 in the morning. Buffy couldn't sleep now because her stomach was all whirly. Maybe she'd do some laundry, make some breakfast for Dawn, be the domestic Goddess Buffy knews she could be, apparently anything but sleep was on her adgenda. 

* * *

"DAWN! Get out of Bed! NOW!"  
  
Buffy had officially been up 4 hours. It was a good thing she was up so early, as she forgot completely about Dawn's registration. Of course it was this morning. There was nothing she liked to start her day off with more than a trip to the Hell mouth!  
  
Someone was knocking on the front door.  
  
"Dawn! Can you get that? If I do, the French toast will become Cajun French Toast!"  
  
"Fine Slave Driver, is there anything else I can do for you, perhaps clean the door jambs with my toothbrush?"  
  
She didn't remember being this big of a pain in the ass when she was Dawn's age. Dawn was such a pain in the ass. She also had a lot more free time than Buffy ever had; maybe Dawn should join a sport or something. Wait, sports at Sunnydale High were a little too risky.  
  
"Check it out Buffy! Presents!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"One for you and one for me. Anya had them; she was sorry she had to run, but she wanted to open hers and had some business to attend to in Brazil. I guess some guy totally destroyed his girlfriend, and now Anya is going to..."  
  
"Shut up Dawn. You shouldn't discuss business with Anya. I liked her better when she was all about the money. Who do you think they are from?"  
  
"Oh she said she picked them up in England from Giles. She said he was acting all wiggy. I guess she was in Europe for some regular spine removal and got some sort of cosmic call or something from him, I really don't know. So maybe they are from Willow. Wait, I so don't want to open this up to find some guy's scalp or something of equal disgust value."  
  
"Dawn, Willow is better now. You can opens yours while you eat; Xander should be here by 9:30 to take us to school. I'm going to go upstairs and change, if you need me, don't holler."  
  
Buffy grabbed her box and headed upstairs. There was more than one object in there, she could hear them banging around._Whoever packed this did a crap job_. She decided to open it while she changed. It felt like summery dress weather. Well, that and the Air Conditioning couldn't get fixed until her check showed up so it was necessary to wear as little clothing as possible. She opened the package first. There was a note on top. It was from Spike, seemed like he was everywhere today.   
  
_Buffy:  
Hello, this is awkward and strange so bear with me. I am sorry. More sorry than you can fathom, and I am doing my best to be a better man than I was. I know it probably means nothing to you, but I really am sorry with every inch of my being. I can't stand myself. If I could, I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror after what I done to you. I mean this. I am a different person now, a better person, please believe me.  
While traveling I thought of you. These things are for you. They are statuary and silver from Egypt. The cat headed woman is Bastet, she is a protector, she is agile and strong, and she symbolizes life and love. The one with the lion is Sekmeht or something like that, she is a warrior, she bears the wrath of the gods, and she smites the big bad. Both are you. They are pieces of you. Finally is the ankh, it is a symbol of life. The life you didn't want but that you must lead. I hope that you can be happy in it.   
I don't know if I will ever return, but if I do, I will do whatever it takes to make things up to you. I know you could never love me the way I wanted, I understand that now. I only want you to be able to trust me. If not with your heart, at least with your life. Please accept this as a beginning of a new chapter for me, and hopefully, you.  
Love, Spike_  
  
The statues were beautiful. She put them in guard positions at both sides of her bed on the nightstands, two warriors keeping her safe while she slept. The silver charm was amazing, the silver was almost white, and gleaming! She could see her reflection in it. Buffy dug out the necklace Angel once gave her, the cross beared too many memories so she removed it and put it in a drawer. On the chain it gets replaced with the ankh. As she put the necklace on she started sobbing. Dawn burst into her room.  
  
"Buffy they are from Spike, aren't they awesome? I love new earrings, and I guess these are like symbols of energy and stuff and I am made of energy so I think they are cool. But Spike sucks, so I totally won't ever wear them."  
  
"You can wear them."  
  
"Buffy, what's wrong? Are you okay?"  
  
"Just get out Dawn, leave me alone."  
  
"Buffy, Spike isn't here, its okay they are just gifts. I don't think he is ever coming back anyways, and if he did we would so kick his ass if he tried to hurt you."  
  
"Dawn, that's not it. I am so cruel, it's all my fault."  
  
"Buffy, stop it, nothing's your fault."  
  
Buffy could hear Xander come in the house. "Harris transport, your carriage awaits M'ladies!"  
  
"We'll be down in a second Xander" Dawn shouted down the hall. "Buffy can you clean yourself up so we can go?"  
  
"Dawn, I don't think I can. Get the checkbook, I'll sign a check for you to use at registration. Xander can take you through; he doesn't need to be on site until noon. I'm sorry I'm such a mess lately."  
  
"It's cool."  
  
She ran downstairs. Buffy could overhear her talking to Xander.  
  
"Buffy is sick. Vomiting, projectile vomiting actually it's horrible, I'm talking Exorcist terrible."  
  
"Thanks for the visual Dawnie."  
  
"She wants you to take me through registration, but if you can't its cool, I can totally do it myself."  
  
"It's no problem I have the morning free anyways."  
  
"Okay I'm gonna run up and have Barfy sign the check, then we can go."  
  
Dawn ran back up the stairs.  
  
"Thanks for fundamentally changing the way Xander will look at me forever."  
  
"Buffy, he's seen you dead twice, I doubt a little puke is going to alter his image of you."  
  
"Right, sorry Dawn, I'm just so out of it. I'll have lunch ready when you get home k?"  
  
"Yeah it's cool, maybe you need some sleep you've been up forever. See you later."  
  
They left. Dawn always slamed the front door; Buffy was half expecting its hinges to snap off so she could add one more thing to the 'things I need to fix in this house' list. At least Xander could fix that, no subcontractor necessary. She decided to take a shower. Crying in the shower was much more her style. No one could tell afterwards cos you were already all wet.

* * *

**Westbury, England**

"Spike its time to go" Giles surprised him; Spike didn't know he was in there. He was half conscious from the sleeping pill.  
  
"Already? Well how are we going to do this? Hello? Vampire: not exactly the easiest cargo to transport. Intercontinental flight is far too risky, might catch the sun you know."  
  
"It's been handled, now come along, there isn't much time."  
  
Evening had fallen sometime before. The days and nights had been running together so Spike really had little clue as to what time it might be. The night air here was sweet with green, like mowed grass, if only he could bottle that scent for her. He needed another pack of smokes, as this one was almost empty and his nerves were making him smoke non-stop. Giles lead him to the Coven's building.  
  
"There is no smoking allowed in the Coven's quarters. So put that out."  
  
"Fine, but why are we here? I thought I was leaving now, instead we are going to play with the dark arts?"  
  
"Spike, they are the ones sending you home. When Willow lost it last spring, well, the Coven sent me to deal with her, imbued me with powers."  
  
"What? You'd going to beam me up witchy? Hell no, I'd rather walk! Have you seen what a botched teleport can do to a man? Bits and pieces all over, like a bad Picasso spread over dimensions. No thanks! I am of no use unless I am in one piece."  
  
"Spike, they will do a fine job, If they can do it for me they can surely do it for you."  
  
"But I'm a vampire! Not a man, I'm the bloody undead! Its different than teleporting you! What if they dump me in downtown SunnyD in the middle of the day? Thanks for the trip, sorry 'bout the dust."  
  
"Shut up! They have preplanned this; it will work out fine. Get your ass in here."  
  
"Fine, but if bits and pieces of me end up spewed into different dimensions my head will know who to blame!"  
  
Into the witch's building they went. The exterior really was quite deceptive; it let on no clue as to what was inside. It was like a garden, the building itself was an atrium, the ceiling made of glass, the ground covered in life. Moonlight poured in through the ceiling like a spot light, right into the center of a circle made of stone. Out of the shadows came women and men of all sizes and shades, colors.  
  
"I'll be damned its like the United Colors of Wicca in here."  
  
"Shut up Spike." Giles poked him.  
  
"Aye now stop that!"  
  
Zaezilla and Willow were at opposite ends of the circle, North and South. The other witches followed their lead making a human chain around the stone circle.  
  
"Hey Spike, welcome to our inner sanctum. I guess you see why this had to happen at night, glass ceiling of doom and all. Now you are supposed to stand in the center of the circle in the moonlight. You are so lucky teleports work much better in a full moon. It really reduces the risk of you exploding." Willow smiled.  
  
"You know I should feel comforted by that, but I really don't."  
  
"Calm down, I picked the perfect place, you won't go poof, I promise. If Anya can do this everyday, one trip to Sunnydale through dimensional portals isn't going to screw you up."  
  
"Fine, just get on with it. I really do have an unlife to live."  
  
As Spike entered the circle all around him candles simultaneously lit. The witches started chanting, he closed his eyes, there was no reason for him to see a possible explosion coming. Through his lids he could see a bright light and then he felt a flash of heat. _I don't think I'm in bleedin' Kansas anymore..._


	6. Coming Back To You

Let my Spirit ride on a one way mule  
Blistered skin in a cold-hearted pool  
Distant emotion hides a concrete wall  
Naked and anchored I'll climb right back  
To you.  
Love me for my mind, cos I'm a dangerous heart  
When I've got time to kill, I'm coming back for you  
I'll stake out just to find  
The knife in the dangerous heart  
When I've got time to kill, I'm coming back for you  
Distant memories in a cage by my bed  
Viscid dreams stick to holes in my head  
Love me for my mind, cos I'm a dangerous heart  
When I've got time to kill, I'm coming back for you  
-D. Johns "One Way Mule"

**Sunnydale, California**

Crying in the shower had not worked out as planned. Instead Buffy had spent the last 10 minutes puking her guts out. Maybe Dawn was psychic, because now what she told Xander was true. She got as far as stripped to her underwear when the nausea started. Now she laid on the cold bathroom floor in her bathrobe, with tears flowing into her ears. Was it possible to puke and cry yourself to death? She could see the headlines: "Local girl found dead in pool of vomit and tears, cause of death appears to be emotional pain."  
  
She tried to psyche herself into moving. Buffy decided to head downstairs for some 7up, crackers and perhaps some Pepto. Did they even have crackers? Her mom always had crackers, but Buffy couldn't recall having bought any recently. When she got into the kitchen she saw the answering machine blinking. She hit play as she started looking for crackers.  
  
_"Hello, this message is for Buffy Summers. This is Sue from the Double Meat Palace. We are concerned because Buffy hasn't shown up for her shift, which started at noon. We have a lot of unexplained disappearances around here and just want to know if we should expect to her again. Thanks!"_  
  
She picked up the phone to call the Double Meat Palace.  
  
"Double Meat Palace, this is Sue how can I help you?"  
  
"Sue, its Buffy. I'm sick and I am not coming in today. Actually I am never coming back in, I quit."  
  
"What? You quit? But we need you. Please reconsider."  
  
"Sorry, but I just can't do it anymore."  
  
Buffy hung up on Sue. It was over; her stint at the Double Meat palace was done. Time had flown by; it didn't seem to Buffy that she had been in the bathroom as long as she had been. She finally dug out a box of Saltines, and fixed her soda. She decided an afternoon of lounging about watching TV was the best medicine.   
  
Dawn and Xander should have been back by now. Registration had never been that dangerous, most kids made it through that. The phone started ringing. Buffy just didn't have the energy to get off the couch.  
  
_"Buffy? This is Dawn, Xander and me are gonna get some lunch. Then he said I can come to the job site with him and file some paperwork for him, in a completely non-child labor violations sort of way. We'll be home after 5, I figured you and your vomit could use some alone time. Bye!"_  
  
Buffy decided Dawn was officially psychic, and incredibly Saint-like. She settled in for a nice afternoon of couch, snacks and TV. Life was good. The shower could wait, daytime trash TV was too good to miss. She wondered if bathrobes were acceptable daywear. Just as she got settled in the doorbell rand. Buffy decided not to answer it. _It's probably just a Jehovah's Witness, No, I don't want a copy of the Watchtower, and no, I haven't accepted Jesus Christ as my personal lord and savior, now please get off of my porch!_ The bell kept ringing. Then whoever it was started pounding on the door.  
  
"Slayer? Are you in there? Damnit! If you are in there you really need to let me in, I am literally 2 steps from Big Pile o' Ashes!"  
  
Spike? Spike was here? If she hadn't been warned she would hardly believe it.  
  
"Calm down Spike, I'm coming!"  
  
She opened the door, and it was true: Spike was two steps from sunlight.   
  
"Where's your blanket? How'd you get here? Why's your hair all dark?" She was looking for signs of the DeSoto or other vampire transport.  
  
"Can 20 questions wait until I am safely inside and not about to burst into flames?"  
  
"Oh, yeah sure, come in, I forgot we uninvited you after you left. Giles idea, b.b.b..but I was all like, yeah Giles good idea, I was thinking that too."  
  
"Whatever." Spike pushed his way past Buffy. "Damn Slayer you look like hell, what's wrong with you?"  
  
Buffy forgot she was standing there, bed headed out, streaky cry faced, barefoot in a bathrobe. The last time Spike had seen her she had looked nearly the same, but a lot more bruised on the outside.   
  
"Nothings wrong, I just had a rough morning. So, how did you get here? And seriously, did you run out of peroxide cos the dark hair is sort of freaking me out."  
  
"I show up on your doorstep in the middle of the day and you are worried about my sodding hair? That's priceless! Can't a vamp change his look? You know prior to the last 60 years, people really didn't bleach their hair. My hair was like this until the mid seventies, pet. Lack of sun, darkens it up, I think it used to be more like yours, but time and subterranean life can really suck its honey out."  
  
"Okay-"  
  
"Oh yeah, how'd I get here. Red and her new friends sent me on a one-way trip through some portal to drop me here, on your porch in broad damn daylight. Trust me, when they said they were sending me back here, I imagined home sweet crypt, not your porch."  
  
"Giles, tomorrow my ass" Buffy cursed under her breathe.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Giles borrowed my bass. You know the singing fish? I really need it back; Dawn has a school project on bass, not the singing kind of course. Oh screw it. Giles warned me you were coming, but he told me it would be tomorrow. I mean he never mentioned you were going to be dumped in my lap."  
  
"Well this isn't my idea of a picnic either, pet. Mind if I stay here until it's safe to go out? I mean there isn't any place I can really go right now."  
  
"Yeah it's fine. Beware though, Clem redecorated the Crypt. The current style can only be described as Jen love Ben, and there are way too many posters of J. Lo's booty."  
  
"Terrific, I'm gone 4 months and Clem makes my posh, dark crypt into a worship den to Entertainment Tonight."  
  
"He does have a thing for Mary Hart."  
  
"Great."  
  
It was then Buffy could sense him staring at her chest.  
  
"Um, Hello Spike? Stop the drool fest. Do you want me to throw you right back out the door? Cos I can you know!" She knew he wasn't checking her out, he was noticing the pendant around her neck, his pendant.  
  
"I see my parcels made it here safe and sound. Like the trinket, love?"  
  
"God! In your note you said you'd changed? What? Have you become and even bigger pain in my ass?" Buffy was forcing her sarcasm, Spike could see straight through it. She was hurting inside, over what he wasn't sure.  
  
"So Giles didn't let the cat out of the bag did he?"  
  
"What cat? No, he didn't tell me about Spike's Egyptian Adventure. Was it full of thrills and spills? I can see the photos now, Spike standing in front of black on all of them. Captions reading: Spike at Pyramids, Spike at Sphinx, Spike at Valley of Kings, blah blah blah. I really don't need your vacation memories."  
  
"It was hardly a holiday." His voice dropped two octaves, into the serious range. Buffy noticed this.  
  
"Yeah? Well tell me about it poor Spikey! You had it easy! After you're oh so elegant exit last spring, I watched my best friend turn completely evil, flay Warren alive, attempt to kill Andrew and Jonathan, then attempt to end the world! Did I mention I got shot, and basically died AGAIN? Then I got to bury Tara, and before she was 5 minutes in the ground Giles whisked Willow off to jolly old England to fix her. Then I got to try to clean up Willow's mess, help Anya put back together the remains of the magick shop, only to beg Xander to pay for the full copper repipe cos flinging faux meat wasn't cutting it around here. Now I get to send Dawn off to Hell, I mean High School, which of course is right on top of the Hell mouth AGAIN! This too is going to cost me a fortune in hip new clothes for princess Dawn, not to mention lunch money! Do you have any idea how much she eats? My god it's astonishing! Now I get a phone call from Giles about the next big bad, which is going to be really bad, so bad that he needs me to baby-sit some people for him, and then he tells me that a former big bad now neutered vamp is coming back to help me with aforementioned new big bad. Then he tells me you have changed, and I get this package in the mail from you about how you've changed, and now you show up here and I am all confused and I am all upset!"  
  
Buffy crumbled to the floor in a mess of tears.  
  
"Buffy? Jesus are you alright? Come on now, lets go have a seat on the couch and you can tell me all about it."  
  
Spike picked her up, and she didn't fight it. She wrapped her arms around his neck and clung like an injured child. She was choking and stuttering and trying to talk.  
  
"S-s-s-Spike, I am so mean. I-I-I-I'm a b-bad person."  
  
"Shhhh, Love. Just calm down here, you're not mean or bad, you're just a bit upset, it'll all be fine." Spike stroked her hair, that damn shampoo commercial hair, even when it was all ratty its still shined like gold.  
  
"Y-y-y-you're always here when I'm broken."  
  
"You're not broken, so just stop your blabbering. Calm down, its going to be alright. I promise."  
  
"Why are you so nice to me?"  
  
"Cos you're Buffy, it'd be impossible not to be nice to you. Now just be still."  
  
As they sat there on the couch she still rested in his arms, as she had when he carried her. It was so odd to Spike, this girl so full of power, how she could just fall apart. Her bathrobe had exposed a thigh, and he covered it back up. She looked exactly as she had the night he attacked her, it was as if time hadn't moved.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Yes?" She sniffled.  
  
"I'm sorry. I know that's not enough but I never thought I was capable of what I did to you. That's why I left you know. Couldn't live with myself, knowing what a monster I really was inside, still."  
  
"I don't want to talk about that now, just hold me"  
  
"I need to talk about it now. Something happened to me when I was gone. Something I got. Traveled half way 'round the world so I could never be that monster again."  
  
"What?"  
  
"So I couldn't let myself be that monster again, not to you, not to anyone. Regardless of chip status, I did it for and because of you."  
  
She started to back away off of his lap, almost as if he were about to combust. She moved towards the opposite end of the couch. Staring at him the whole time.  
  
"I don't get it Spike. Is this about Egypt? You saw some old crap and stopped being a monster?"  
  
"You know Slayer? You are fickle. One minute you're clinging to me like a kitten, and the next you're being an absolute bint looking at me like I'm going to eat you."  
  
"Stop side tracking Spike! Tell me what you did! Did you take the chip out?"  
  
Spike looked down into his lap, it wasn't supposed to be this way. I wasn't supposed to be this hard. In his head when he rehearsed it, it was all poetic and lovely. He started talking into his lap. "I got back my soul."  
  
"What? Speak up!"  
  
"Damnit girl! I got back my soul! Yeah the Poof and me now share yet another trait! The big bad with a conscious, a heart of gold, blah blah blah, you know the tune, I believe you've played that flute before!"  
  
What happened next never happened in his head when he told her.  
  
"YOU STUPID SONOFABITCH!" She started hitting Spike, "Just when I decide to hate you, you, you go and do this!" That's when the tears started pouring out again, "Oh, No!" She got up and darted up the stairs to the bathroom. Spike could hear the heaving even downstairs.  
  
He decided to let her be. This wasn't something he could run up stairs and rub her back to make better, or easier. After a short while, the heaving stopped, and all he could hear was her crying. He noticed on the table a package of crackers and some soda in a glass. She must be sick. _Brilliant Spike, lay all of this on the girl when she's sick as a dog._ Spike grabbed the items and headed upstairs to the bathroom to see if she was okay.  
  
The door was locked. Could he really blame her after the last time he ended up in her bathroom? He knocked.  
  
"Buffy? Are you all right? I've grabbed your biscuits and soda if you want them, I can set them outside the door for you." He could hear her moving inside, the lock clicked open. "Do you want me to come in?"  
  
"Yeah, its fine."  
  
She was leaned up against the bathtub. Spike had never seen her look like such a mess before. It was shocking to watch her walls crumbling down.   
  
"Here you go, I'll just set these here." He turned to leave.  
  
"Don't go, please don't go."   
  
"Okay." he sat down on the floor opposite of her.  
  
"How did you do it? Did Willow do it?"  
  
"No, Red had nothing to do with this, this was all me. I went to Africa, sought a demon who lives in a cave. He is sort of like genie, grants wishes, but you have to pay a price. He beat the hell out of me. I had to endure horrible trials, things no one should ever have to go through. Then he restored me to my former self."  
  
"You did that for me?"  
  
"Well, maybe not for you, but because of you. I started to get used to not being able to hurt people, the whole chip business, then you came back and I could hurt you, and not hurt in return. I couldn't believe what I did to you. I went at first with the intention of getting the chip out so I could kill you. But by the time I made it all the way to Africa, my mind was clear and all I wanted was my soul back, so I could pay for what I'd done in a proper way. I've been paying ever since."  
  
"Wow. So is it like Angel's soul?"  
  
"No, its like William's soul. The man I was before all of this. You really wouldn't believe what a tosser I was. But he could never have hurt anyone; he had been hurt too much, so now I am him again, in a way. Plus, Angel's soul isn't Liam's soul. From what Darla told us, Liam was a real bastard. Liam's soul would have left Angelus in the same boat he was in as a vamp. Those gypsies made a soul for him, a soul that could feel remorse and pain."  
  
"I meant are there any strings attached?"  
  
"Oh, no. No true happiness clause, my trials were my payment, as well is the pain I feel today."  
  
"I can't believe you did this."  
  
"It's not so insane if you think about it. People change all the time, they try to be better people, or they go all crazy and mean. I've done the same in a way."  
  
"So that's how you got me my salary. You sold your story to the Watchers Council."  
  
"Wasn't my intention, I told Giles they needed to know about this. I needed transport out of Kenya, he helped me out. He came up with the salary bit, not me. You look really wrecked; maybe you should take a nap or something. If Dawn comes home and sees you like this, well, I'll be dust in about 2 minutes."  
  
"I need to take a bath, and take something out for dinner, Xander and Anya are coming over tonight for food. Can you stay a while longer? I'm sorry I beat you up. Come here."  
  
She grabbed the corner of her robe and wiped some blood off of his split lip.  
  
"I didn't even realize I was all bloodied up. I was too worried about you. I didn't mean to have to lay this on you so suddenly you know? This wasn't my plan. Are Xander and Anya...?"  
  
"No, they aren't together, they are civil and will eat in the same room with each other. I know you weren't planning this, this way. I'm gonna get a refill, can you run some water for me?"  
  
"I can get you some more soda, you just sit here."  
  
"No, I need to get up, walk around, its fine, make it hot."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Buffy got up and walked out of the bathroom. Spike wondered what just happened, what just went on between them? Had she cracked? Did she just lose all sense? Or did she understand? Spike turned the water on, and plugged the drain. He couldn't believe he was doing this, right now here in this room. He got a towel out of the closet and set it on the counter top. When he got up and turned around she was standing there, stark naked.  
  
"Jesus Buffy!" He turned back around quickly, "What in the hell are you doing?"  
  
"I'm taking a bath, to do that you sort of need to be naked. Its not like it's anything you haven't seen."  
  
Spike knew it, she had officially gone mad. Giles was so going to kill him for this, cos it was his fault.  
  
"I'm going to go now, downstairs, telly time you know, Oprah should be on any minute."  
  
"No. Stay."  
  
"Buffy I really can't, I can't be in a room with you all naked and the like, it's a bit too much for me. I mean you know how I feel about you, this is sort of inappropriate."  
  
"Stay."  
  
"Jesus Buffy, no! Are you just in the torturing mood or is this residual from the crying?"  
  
"I know how you feel about me, and its okay. Can you just wash my back, please?"  
  
"Fine, turn around first."  
  
"William must have been modest."  
  
"Yes he was, and a proper gentleman too, but Spike's still in here so just turn around." He could hear the water splash. When he turned around her back was to him.  
  
"Use the scrubbie thingy. Do those things have a name?"  
  
"Um Loofah? I'm really not into girly bath products."  
  
"No loofah is all natural looking. Hmm I don't know what its called, but here, use it." She handed him the scrubbie thing.  
  
His arm started to shake. Was he really doing this? Had one of those sleeping pills Giles gave him knocked him out this hard? The water was hot, and just the thought of touching her made him want to convulse. _Conversation, say something stupid._  
  
"So, Where's the Niblet today? It's her summer holiday isn't it? I figured she'd be watching soap operas and sleeping all day."  
  
"Oh Xander took her to registration this morning and now she's helping him at the job site or something. I think she said filing. That feels nice."  
  
_Why is she doing this to me? Is this some sort of test? Is she testing my self-restraint? What the hell is this?_  
  
"Buffy, I really can't do this. I'm sorry."   
  
She turned around suddenly. "Stop it, you are acting like I am a leper."  
  
"The problem is, you're not a leper. It's taking every bit of my self-control not to jump in the tub with you right now. I know it'd be wrong, but I can't help thinking it. Touching you isn't making that better."  
  
"Shut up" She grabbed his hand, and put it on her shoulder, "See, you aren't dying, you're fine."  
  
"Its not that I'm dying, its that, Damnit. I don't want to do this right now! This isn't right"  
  
"Yes it is." she grabbed him and kissed him. He almost lost it right there. He pushed her off.  
  
"Damnit Buffy! I didn't come back here to be your plaything. I came back because I love you, and I want to help you, and take care of you. Not because I want have my heart stomped on and salted!"  
  
Her face started to crunch up again.  
  
"Don't cry, I just don't think this is right for you." he touched her hand, "Please Buffy, don't do this, it kills me to see you like this."  
  
"No no no no" she started to whisper, "you don't understand."  
  
"What don't I understand, luv?" the echo of the tub amplified her whispers.  
  
"I did feel something, you were right, I couldn't see it."  
  
"Nonsense, stop this, you are only trying to make me feel better, and it's working, but you should really stop this."  
  
"Damnit William, you know what I have been doing for the last 4 months? Trying to forget YOU!"  
  
Spike's mouth fell open. This must be a dream, this was not happening. He stepped back a few steps.  
  
Buffy? Are you serious, if you aren't you better take that back right now. I promise to act like it never happened. You are in a delicate state, lets see how you feel about me tomorrow.   
  
Spike walked out of the bathroom, and headed downstairs. This was unbelievable. This couldn't be happening, not today, not ever. He needed to feed. When Buffy was gone, he had a nice store of blood in the freezer. House rules: No Human blood in the house! So it would inevitably be pig's blood. He reached into the freezer, and there were two cartons left. He warmed one up in the microwave, and leaned against the counter. He could remember so many conversations in this kitchen, mainly with Joyce. She was a good woman, always treated him like a man. What would she have to say about all of this? She'd have told Spike to find a new girl, and fast, that is if he hypothetically brought up the situation to her. Screw it, he needed a smoke, if she was going to do this to him, then he was damn well smoking in her house. But just so she didn't freak out he did it in front of the range hood with the fan on to suck the stink out. How was he supposed to do his job now?  
  
Buffy knew it was one of those days she should have never woken up. She should have never gotten out of bed. It was days like this that reminded her how good she had it when she was dead. She finally spilled the beans and he didn't believe her. He thought that she was making it up. He was probably down in the kitchen heating up blood right now.  
  
The bathwater was getting cold, and this idea had long outlived its goal. She pulled the plug from the drain, and got out. Of course he put out a towel for her, which was just his nature. How could she convince him that he was what she wanted? Both Angel and Riley had given up on her at some point in their relationships. Angel didn't need to fill his inadequacy with blood-whores, but he did turn evil. Spike never gave up on her, even when she was dead he kept his promise. When she came back he was the only one who really listened. She could forgive the Buffy-bot, as well as other weirdness; she could even forgive what had happened in this very bathroom. Spike was the only one who got even close to knowing her. Really knowing her. Not all of Buffy was pretty and shiny; some of it was messy and dangerous, most of it was messy and dangerous actually. He didn't care; he wanted her and loved just the same.  
  
The bathrobe would not be appropriate dinner wear, even with Xander and Anya. Anya would surely make some rude, snide remark about how Buffy was letting herself go. How would she explain Spike's sudden reappearance? It's not like vamps teleport to her porch every day. This was going to be messy like most of the day had been. At least the puking had stopped. Jeans and a tee shirt were going to have to be good enough; it was all she could muster. Going downstairs was not going to be easy.  
  
As she went down the stairs she could smell the smoke of cigarettes. He was smoking in the house. The fan was running in the kitchen too. This was just all too surreal.  
  
Give me your lighter, Spike.  
  
What? I was just trying to calm myself down, this lighter is like a friend.  
  
I'm not throwing it out moron, I am lighting some candles so it doesn't stink like Willy's in here.  
  
Fine, here He tossed her the lighter. She started lighting candles, Buffy wondered if things could get any more awkward. The only way this could get worse would be for Dawn and crew to come home to this.  
  
So, What are you going to make for dinner then?  
  
I don't know, I was thinking spaghetti, something easy. Damnit, garlic, it'll totally freak you.  
  
No one's explained that one to you? Garlic messes with a vampires ability to smell, thus we can't pick up prey or hunt. That's why people use it on doors and windows; it's to keep vampires from smelling them. The garlic does nothing of harm to us, really.  
  
So garlic bread is a safe option with you around?  
  
Yeah, don't worry about it love. You know, I hate to rehash old news, but remember what I said up there, about tomorrow? I meant that, if you feel the same way tomorrow, I am more than happy to be yours, you know this. I just don't want you to regret that.  
  
Sauce with mushrooms or sauce with meat? Meat right? Everyone loves the meat sauce.  
  
Buffy are you listening to me? Have you gone completely nuts?  
  
I heard you, and I am telling you, tomorrow nothing changes, except my socks and underwear. If I couldn't shake it in 4 months, after you attack me, I think its pretty much here to stay. But if you want a 24 hour waiting period or something that's fine, but I will not let you do a background check, that's just an infringement of my privacy.  
  
You are serious aren't you?  
  
Would I do this if I wasn't? She walked up and gave him a kiss, not a hot passionate fire kiss, but a soft kiss of faith.  
  
You are bloody remarkable woman, did you know that?  
  
You aren't going to leave are you, you know when they come home? It'll be less than an hour. Anya sometimes shows up sooner, she sort of loses track of time while teleporting, one of the hazards of being a vengeance demon.  
  
No, I'll stay, unless they try to kill me in which case I will have to run you know?  
  
I'll deal with that.  
  
You look like you're about to pass out. Maybe you should leave this until they get here, its fast enough. Take a rest on the sofa or something.  
  
Are you asking me for sex?  
  
No, I am telling you you look like hell, and should probably grab a nap. Honestly.  
  
Oh, okay. Sorry, kinda touchy, rough day, well you were here, you know. Actually that sounds like a good idea. Buffy grabbed Spike by the hand and took him into the living room.  
  
ESPN has some sort of soccer thing on this week. I saw it when I was flipping earlier. I know you Brits and your football. Buffy laid her head on his lap. Wake me up if they get here and I am passed out.  
  
Right, no problem. Buffy?  
  
  
  
Is this really happening? I mean are we something now?  
  
Yeah, I guess so.   
  
As Spike flipped through the channels he fixed her hair so it wasn't all wild. He lightly rubbed her back while she fell asleep. She looked like a little angel when she was asleep, who would have guessed that this beautiful girl could be the world's salvation, time and time again?


	7. Believe

Come to me now   
And lay your hands over me, even if it's a lie   
Say it will be alright, and I shall believe   
I'm broken in two, and I know you're on to me   
That I only come home, when I'm so all alone   
But I do believe   
  
That not everything is gonna be the way   
You think it ought to be   
It seems like every time I try to make it right   
It all comes down on me   
Please say honestly you won't give up on me   
And I shall believe. And I shall believe   
  
Open the door, and show me your face tonight   
I know it's true, no one heals me like you   
And you hold the key   
  
Never again, would I turn away from you   
I'm so heavy tonight, but your love is alright   
And I do believe   
  
That not everything is gonna be the way   
You think it ought to be   
It seems like every time I try to make it right   
It all comes down on me   
Please say honestly you won't give up on me   
And I shall believe.   
-S. Crow, "I Shall Believe"

**Westbury, England**

This was not going to work out. Giles was not meant to spend time with teenaged girls. He already did this. His tour of duty was over.  
  
Ow! Stop it! Mr. Giles Molly keeps hitting me with my notebook! Annabelle screeched.  
  
It's a stupid notebook! Like when you are out killing things you are going to 'ave time to look it up in the book! So I am hitting you with it.  
  
It had been like this for days. Giles and screaming, fighting, teenage flesh, Giles separating screaming, fighting, teenage flesh, Giles wanting to kill screaming, fighting, teenage flesh.   
  
GIRLS! Stop it! I have had quite enough of this, this crap! This must end! That's it you can both go hang out with Willow.  
  
they complained simultaneously.  
  
What? What you trite little twits?  
  
I hate to be rude, but wasn't she evil not so long ago? Molly asked.  
  
Well as you will soon learn, evil isn't as cut and dry as you'd like it to be. Most of Buffy's friends and associates were evil or tried to end the world at some point. The only one I can think of might be Xander, Oh wait, he was Dracula's lackey, yeah none of them are innocent.  
  
Dracula is real? Annabelle started scribbling down notes.  
  
Yes, quite real, we dealt with him a while back. I wonder if Spike ever got his money back. All of us have been bad people at some point, it's not avoidable.  
  
But Mr. Giles, you have never been evil, you are a Watcher, and Watchers are good.  
  
Sure Annabelle, but you need to know nothing about me. Girls we need to get your things together and some books and supplies to head to Sunnydale. We have another girl to pick up in New York; maybe she'll be a mute. I want you to gather your things. I need to head to the Council, and grab some information.  
  
Are you going nick it from Molly's cockney accent was starting to wear on Giles.  
  
No, I need to get some information from them on the other girls out there. It's really none of your business. Go pack your things and eat something.  
  
Giles left the room. What was he doing? Could this really be starting? Travers had called earlier that day with the confirmation of their greatest nightmare. Reports had come in, potentials killed in Turkey, Morocco, Peru, Taiwan, Germany, Egypt, and god only knew where else. Plenty of Watchers had been lost too; Samuel had been first, and now others were unreachable, presumed dead. It had all come on in the last week, a fast and furious attack to the line. They had all been educated about the possibility of events such as these, and possible procedures, but they never had expected it to happen. The plan had always been to send the girls, and their Watchers to the current slayer. The current official slayer was in prison, not exactly useful. The unofficial slayer, Buffy, was still in Sunnydale, but was it safe to send them to the Hell mouth? Was it safe to send them to her? Since her return from the grave, she just hadn't seemed right, 100%.   
  
Giles knew he had to pick up some documents from the Council. Information about who could be doing this. Most of his books had been destroyed by Willow, so stealing was his only option, for Travers was not about to hand them over. Luckily for Giles, he had a history of juvinile delinquency behind him. In the basement of the Council building there was a secret entrance. It had been put in the building during WWII when the Council had to go into hiding thanks to the blitzkrieg. All of the oldest, and most sacred documents had been placed in the safety of a bomb shelter in the basement of the building. Nazi's notoriously had a thing for documents pretaining to the occult, so they had to be hidden someplace safe, where no one would look for them. The shelter's entrance had been plastered over. Giles mother had seen them once, and had told him about them, where they were, what they were. She had assisted in hiding the documents, and had once mentioned that the only sign of where the door was, was a small drawing of the Phoenix, near the floor, it had been done when the plaster was still wet. The Council had hoped they would rise like the Phoenix from the ashes of the Blitz. Those documents finally were necessary, their ancient nature was of the upmost importance. These were the documents he needed now, he only hoped that Travers had forgotten about them. They were the only things that could help them now, this wasn't the sort of situation that you research and find a fix for. This was something none of them had ever seen, or dealt with.   
  
Giles thought about calling Wesley, to warn him about what was happening, so he could get to Faith and warn her. It would be easy enough to do this once he was in Sunnydale, and far cheaper as well. He had work to do here. He couldn't waste time with phone calls, he couldn't leave the girls for too long, for the harbingers would get them, the harbingers might be after him as well, he had to move quickly.

* * *

**Sunnydale, California, Buffy's Dream**

_It won't be long now a voice spoke from nowhere. Eventually a green fog formed around her and a strange seal appeared beneath her feet, a pentagram and with a goat's head.   
You will know your place the voice continued, it was oddly familiar, but yet not.  
Suddenly the Master appeared before her.  
You will wish I had killed you once it begins.  
The master began to laugh. Buffy tried to run but the fog turned into men, creatures maybe in robes, their eyes crossed out with symbols, each of them holding a knife. They were familiar too.They began to move in towards her, poke their knives in her direction.  
Remember my dear, from beneath you it devours  
Suddenly they were all gone, and the dream began all over again._

* * *

Buffy had been asleep for at least a half an hour. The football special on TV had only been season highlights from the prior season. Oprah had on Dr. Phil, who once again told people what morons they were. Spike was glad to have the TV back at his access. He was so sucked in he didn't hear Anya arrive.  
  
What are you doing here? Did you kill Buffy? Anya's shrill voice broke his trance.  
  
Spike jerked his head in the direction of the voice. Anya? By god you scared me. Buffy's asleep, not dead.  
  
Where is Dawn? Did you kill her?  
  
She's with your ex, the wanker, helping him out or something. Keep it down, Buffy's had a rough day.  
  
Was it a rough day involving forced sex in a bathroom?  
  
Anya! No, Jesus, I haven't laid a bloody finger on her okay? Does the whole town know?  
  
Fine, why do I not smell food? I have had a long day, I had a 3 o'clock evisceration in Boston and before that I had to put a man's penis on his forehead in Brazil. Wow that one was hysterical all the town folk pointing at him and mocking his penis head.  
  
Nice to see you enjoying your work Anya, or is it Anyanka again?  
  
Oh, I'm just going by Anya now, Anyanka had such a 14th century feel to it. I am more modern now.  
  
Nice to know. Care to join me? Dr. Phil is pointing out the obvious to ridiculously insipid people.  
  
I think he is part demon, he is far to honest to be human, they all seem to lie so much. Anya walked closer to him, leaning in, looking deeply at him, Spike? How did you do it?  
  
What? How'd I do what, turn Oprah on? Its this miraculous little box with buttons on it called a remote, its quite the remarkable invention, you push the numbers and the channels on the telly change.  
  
Not that, I can see you.  
  
You can see who?  
  
I'm a demon of course I can, it's written all over you. Okay the strangely dark hair was sort of a trigger something was wrong, but then the eyes completely gave you away. You got your soul back. Oh Halfrek says hi. Every time I see her she's always asking about William the Bloody. Who in the vengeance business have you not had sex with? Apparently you were much kinkier in the early..  
  
Spike interrupted her, What? That's it, all you have to say is Halfrek says hello, we compared shagging notes, by the way nice soul?  
  
Well, you must have done something to get it. Have you had sex with D'Hoffryn? That would definitely make you sort of bisexual, which would be different, but D'Hoffryn always seems so uptight, did you get him drunk like me?  
  
Anya, I haven't had sex with D'Hoffran, I don't even know who he is.  
  
Would you like to have more sex with me? I haven't gotten to have any in some time, and you were so eager the last time, we have plenty of time.  
  
Have all the women in Sunnydale fallen completely off their rockers? No Anya I am not having sex with you or anyone else right now.  
  
Is it my hair? Its totally the hair isn't it?  
  
Actually it's quite fetching, but I am just not looking to bed down with anyone right now, still trying to work through this whole soul business.  
  
Fine. What is Buffy going to cook? I could try to be useful and pretend to start it for her by busying myself in the kitchen and throwing flour on my face so I appear to be slaving over bread or something.  
  
Spaghetti, some meat sauce or something, I really wasn't paying attention, not my gig you know?  
  
Okay. Oh, the sticks for my hair are very nice. I can't wear them on the job, too dangerous, they might stab me in the head while teleporting.  
  
  
  
There was a noise from the front door. Dawn and Xander must be home. Anya went to get the door. Spike tried to wake Buffy.  
  
Hello, come in, Spike is here and has not killed Buffy, or had sex with her, or me.  
  
Anya was so good at screwing up an already bad situation.  
  
Buffy? Wake up, it's showtime, the kids are home  
  
Buffy rolled onto her back, From beneath you it devours she sighed and stretched and sat up. From beneath you it devours. Does that mean anything to you Spike? He kept saying it over and over again.  
  
Who kept saying that?  
  
The Master, he was in my dream with weird guys with knives and no eyes, he kept saying: From beneath you it devours.  
  
I don't know love, but the gang's all here and I think I need my lap incase a rapid escape is necessary.  
  
she turned towards the door, Hey Anya, are Dawn and Xander home?  
  
Yeah, we are right here, what we are wondering is what is he doing here? Xander crossed his arms across his chest, in a very authoritarian manner.  
  
Xander, Spike came back today, he is here to protect me from the big bad, Giles sent him.  
  
What did everyone who hurt you win a trip to England this year Buff?  
  
Oh, I didn't, but I have teleported there many times this summer Anya interjected.  
  
Xander, he's changed, he's different, just give him a chance.  
  
Dawn just scowled at Spike. He knew that she knew what had happened between him and Buffy last spring. That was something she didn't need to know, but it was not available to rip from her memory.  
  
What Buffy, he isn't attempted rape man now? Is he attempted homicide or maybe attempted burglary man now?  
  
Now Xander, just stop it. I am not here to cause a world of trouble. The Council and Giles sent me. If you don't like it I can leave during your little soiree. Slayer hasn't exactly been rushing to kick me out, so maybe you shouldn't either.  
  
What are you threatening me? Gee Buffy, seems like the same old Spike to me. Wait, he got the chip out didn't he? That's perfect now he's completely able to attempt to rape all the women in the tri-county area!  
  
Xander! Stop it! Leave him alone, okay? And stop saying rape; no one got raped last spring, especially not me. His chip is fine. I should have known you would act like this.  
  
Act like what? A really pissed off protective friend? Oh sorry Buffy I had no idea you didn't need us friends to care about you!  
  
Stop it you two! Dawn stood between them, Just stop it okay? If he had to come back to help then we should just get over it cos he isn't going anywhere.  
  
Oh I get it Buffy, you weren't sick this morning you just wanted old Xander to take little Sis in for registration so you could have some quality time with sexy beast over there!  
  
He wasn't here this morning. He showed up early afternoon. Could we all just stop it? Buffy gave up and fell back onto the couch, I am so sick of all of this. she stood back up, Spike, come on, help me in the kitchen let them get over it alone.  
  
Spike and Buffy headed to the kitchen.

God! Why are they so hard to please? No matter what I do I somehow fuck up the whole situation.  
  
Maybe its not you love, maybe they are the ones who screw it up. You were honest, and still they don't like this idea of you and me, even in the same room. It's my fault, they don't like me.  
  
Buffy was busying herself around the kitchen. Filling a pot with water, dumping sauce out of a jar into a pot, browning meat in a pan, she looked so domesticated, so out of her element.  
  
Spike, can you grab some plates out of the cabinet?  
  
Jesus Buffy, I'm home for 5 minutes and already treating me like the old ball and chain.  
  
Shut up, usually Dawn is in here to help me, but right now I think she'd rather stare me into an early grave than help me.  
  
Fine, but if you ask me to set the table I will have to put my very undead foot down.  
  
Buffy smiled, it was nice to see her smile, and Spike had almost forgotten how she could light up like that. It was then that Anya burst through the door.  
  
Xander and Dawn want to leave, they want you to join them now.  
  
Who me? I never took Xander for the type, and Dawn, well isn't that just a bit pedophilic!  
  
Not you Spike, her she pointed at Buffy They think you need to have some sense talked into you. They want to take you out and straighten you up.  
  
Well, Anya I think that's really special of them, but if it is this important they can tell me themselves. It's not like I am not a room away. Plus I am halfway through making dinner, I am not just walking out now, can't really afford to throw the food out.  
  
Go, I can pretend to watch over the food while you are shouted at in disappointed tones. Where do you keep the flour?  
  
What about flour? Fine, I will go talk to them on the porch. Spike can you watch the food so the water doesn't boil over and the meat doesn't get all black like.  
  
Yeah, go work on the peace treaty.  
  
Spike and I can handle it, be confident in our strength.  
  
As she walked out Buffy heard Anya turn on the radio. A burst of mariachi music followed her through the door. That radio had been broken for years, since before her mother had died, the dial was broken, stuck on the latin music station. Buffy could never bring herself to replace that radio. The noted the front door was opened, and found Xander and Dawn on the front porch.

What the hell is this?  
  
Buffy, are you thinking clearly? Is there a gas leak in the house? You really are starting to creep the hell out of me. I mean I know I may have spent my fair share of apocalypses unconscious, but if there was ever a time to be unconscious, it's right now. Xander started.  
  
Yeah Buffy, I mean, that's Spike, don't you remember what happened last time you two had some quality time together?  
  
Dawn! Puhlease! Is this the same girl who this morning was running around like a toddler at Christmas: ooo look at the earrings Spike got me, ooo they are so cool, ooo I'm going to wear them always'  
  
Spike bought you earrings? What the hell is she talking about Dawn? Xander was giving Dawn the stern father stare that constantly irked her.  
  
Well, I didn't just get a gift, Anya got something and Buffy got that necklace and some weird statues and was crying about it and freaking out all over the place. So at least I was happy about it, instead there's Buffy wahhh I'm so sad, I'm so broken, wah wah wah  
  
DAWN! Stop it! Lets just stop it. Okay? Spike is here for a reason. Giles sent him to me. Did you hear? He got a salary for me, and his soul is back too. He is changed, he is different, he is trying really hard, if only some of us would could show the same courtesy to him!  
  
Oooo He has a soul, please Buffy where have we heard that before? Same song different singer, he isn't different, he isn't changed, and he is still the same miserable stalker he was before he tried to rape you. Or have you forgotten all about that? Isn't that convenient? Since when do you give a shit about what the Council says? Didn't you abandon them years ago? Who are you and what have you done with Buffy? Xander started shaking Buffy. She pushed him off quickly.  
  
Xander, you didn't get a phone call at 4 am this morning from Giles sounding like the world was coming to an end, I mean really coming to an end, in a we can't stop it sort of way. The Council knows what is going on, and this involves them too. They are paying me! Hello? Have we all forgotten the current Summers' financial crises?  
  
So you're whoring yourself out now, is that it?  
  
You sonofabitch! Xander I can't even believe you!  
  
Well, I am not exactly seeing the Buffy I know! Who are you? I mean what the hell?  
  
Xander if you don't like it then you can leave. Get over it. Remember if it is the end of the world, who you are going to run to, who is going to save your ass again and again, yeah its me, and Spike has been a pretty big help for the last couple of years in that department as well, so get over it. Dawn, get in the house, if Xander wants to join his friends, he is more than welcome, but this conversation is over.  
  
Buf-fy, come on, Xander isn't nuts, he is just concerned.  
  
Well I think he should worry about himself and not me, I am a big girl now. Xander your concern is great, but just trust me for like 5 minutes. Spike made a mistake last spring, he knows it, I know it, and we are forgiving each other. Trust me if you knew what had happened before that you would probably think a little differently.  
  
That's part of the problem Buffy! You leave me, us, in the dark and expect us to just follow your lead, we only get half the story, the half you want us to hear, and then when we make assumptions and judgments based on that information you chastise me, I mean us!  
  
Whoa Xander go easy on those 50 cent words, we don't want to hurt your fragile brain! So you want to know what happened? Here is the long and short of it. I banged Spike, I banged him like you would never believe! I started it; I rode him hard and put him away wet! I instigated it! I used him and threw him away! Yeah I did! I used him and treated him like a piece of shit because I was living in the world of self-denial! When I came back I felt wrong, empty, different, the only person who didn't push me to be Good Old Buffy was Spike! He didn't care who I was he was just glad it was me, that was enough for him, but not for any of you, NOOO I had to be perfect little Buffy, the good girl, the golden girl, everyone's savior! Well I am not! I am dirty and corrupted and foul and full of decay! I was rotting inside and none of you saw it! None of you! Spike was there to stop the erosion, he made me feel, he made me know love, he made me know forgiveness, he brought me back in a way none of you and your magick could. What he did to me in that bathroom was a direct result of the all awful heartless things I did to him all year. If anyone was acting like a soulless vampire it was me, not him, so don't take this out on him, take it out on me!  
  
Xander's mouth just gaped open. He was speechless.  
  
Are you catching flys over there? Xander? Hello-o? Dawn nudged Xander trying to bring him out of his shock.  
  
Well, I don't know what to say Buff, I mean why didn't you come to us? Why? We were there for you. You didn't need to go to that monster.  
  
Stop it! Don't you see, in this I am the monster! Take the blinders off Xander; I make mistakes! I screw up! Spike was just along for the ride. You know why he got his soul? For me, so he could be worthy of me, so he could be enough for me, what I deserved. Do you know how? He suffered through trials of torture in a cave in Bumblescrew Africa, he was beaten and abused and almost killed, for me. He did it all for me, everything he has done for the last year has been for or because of me! The year before that too, all for me! And I treated him like trash because I couldn't accept that I did love him just the way he was, cos I was scared of what you and Will would think of me. How you would look at me like trash, and you know what, no matter what you are going to see that in me so why should I hide it anymore? This conversation is over, if you want some food you are more than welcome to join us if you can act civil and treat Spike like a man, not some piece of trash. Buffy turned and walked back into the house. Dawn followed her in.  
  
Buffy? I'm sorry you were scared to tell us, well at least me.  
  
Dawn, it wasn't your burden to carry, you are young, enjoy it, what I wouldn't have given to have a burden free high school life. Don't worry about it, just remember people screw up and you shouldn't judge them for it. Sometimes they screw up in more ways than one, not only was I scared to tell you guys what was going on, but I was scared to admit to myself what was going on, and finally I was scared to let Spike in, don't be a coward Dawn, never be a coward. We all have the potential in us to be more than we are at any given moment, but part of fulfilling that is not being a coward.  
  
Okay, so the message is, be as kamikaze? Be one with your inner kamikaze pilot because sometimes your plane won't crash and you'll get to live?  
  
Sort of, where did you get that kamikaze stuff from?  
  
History channel, World War II marathon, last weekend, not much sleep, lots of kamikaze.  
  
Oh, you really need to get more friends. Buffy says with a smile, Now how about setting the table? Spike says he won't be my bitch and do your chores.  
  
Sure, don't worry about it. Dawn went into the kitchen.  
  
Buffy could hear someone behind her.   
  
Yeah Xander?  
  
I'm sorry, I really should mind my own damn business. It's not like my love life has been a raging success, I mean I'm a failure, I jilted the love of my life at the altar because I am a chicken. So who am I to judge?  
  
It's okay, I know you are just protective of me, and that's good, but you gotta trust me. I know what I am doing. Xander reached out and hugged Buffy.  
  
I should know that by now shouldn't I? I still thinks it gross though, and I don't really like it, but I am not you, so I really can't say anything either way. Xander gave Buffy a little smirk.  
  
Anya ran through the door into the dining room.  
  
AHHH Buffy! I have been in here slaving over this stove and now it is time for you to finish. We threw the noodles at the wall, the ceiling and the refrigerator; we have decided they are sticky and should be eaten. Now. Preferably with sauce.  
  
Anya, why are you covered in flour?  
  
I was slaving in the kitchen, much like the ladies on TV, whenever they come out of the kitchen they have flour on them and a hearty home cooked meal ready for the table. You didn't have any aprons otherwise I would be wearing one as well."  
  
"She's gone completely loony! Too many late night reruns!" Spike hollered from the kitchen.  
  
"Well, thanks Anya, I'll go take care of dinner."  
  
"I didn't mean in interrupt a moment of love. Please commence your forgiving hugs."  
  
"Anya, I think you spent too much time with the Buffy-bot. It's okay I think me and Xander sort of worked through this."  
  
"Yeah, I think we're good."  
  
"Fine, I am going to now collapse on the couch in an overly dramatic fashion to show how much energy I exherted on dinner." with that said, Anya headed for the living room.  
  
"Buff, you need any help with anything?"  
  
"No, I'm good Xander. I'll have food out in a minute."  
  
Buffy headed back to the kitchen, Dawn headed out of the kitchen with a tower of dishes and silver ware.  
  
"Behold, the powers of the Amazing Dawn Summers! She's not just a high school freshman, she is also master of the dinner table!"  
  
"Dawn, you really need to get more friends." Xander laughed at her.   
  
"Why does everyone keep saying that?"


	8. Save Yourself

Turn out the light  
Just say good night, to yourself.  
May I remind you, when you find you're all alone is when  
You, You've got to be strong  
That's when they call you, in the night  
He's got your picture, in his mind  
He's got your number, on a paper at his disposal anytime.  
Is it really true?   
Could you save yourself?  
For someone who could love you for you  
So many times we just give it away  
To someone who, to someone who  
You met at a bar  
In the back of a car  
And for a moment you felt important  
But not in your heart  
Cos my self esteem, it's been low  
Go ahead and count, it's been lower than low  
I know the feeling of it stealing right out from under me  
Cos I want to learn  
How you've saved yourself  
For someone who could love you for you  
So many times we just give it away  
To someone who can't even remember your name  
Could you save yourself?  
For someone who loves you for you  
And loves me for me  
And give it away to someone who  
To someone who could cherish your name  
-J. Bunch, C. Evenson, J. Stockberger, R. Sellers, R. Pfeiffer Save Yourself

**London, England, Watcher's Council Headquarters**

The documents themselves were not hard to find. It was breaking through fifty-something year old plaster without alerting the guard, standing not more than 25 feet away, at the top of the stairs that was hard. Once in, Giles took everything he could grab and stuff into his duffle bags and his jacket. Most of the paper and papyri were old; the environment in the basement hadn't treated them well. Parchment, linen paper and even papyrus can take a lot of abuse but 50 odd years of dampness they will not, some were mildewed others were just turning to dust in his hands. Giles had figured someone had been in here since they were hidden so many years ago, but apparently no one had, at least no one with museum experience and the forward thought of mind to properly store these items. But if someone or something really was after the line, the watchers, even the Council itself, then these documents were no safer here than they would be in his car, or on the airplane or even in Sunnydale.  
  
Once back at the estate, Giles carefully laid out the documents. The fragmented and delicate pieces were properly placed onto archival sheets, sticky with very mild glue, to piece them together here and then cover in a breathable clear cover, protection against further decay and fragmentation. The mildewed pieces were quickly cleaned. Not a terrific job a former museum employee should be proud of, but he had to hurry and do as best he could. The more sturdy pieces were placed into tubes and archival envelopes. All were carefully packed in a hard-sided suitcase, filled with books and anything he could find out about what was happening. Airport security had really gotten crazy lately, so he forged some proper documentation for the old pieces.  
  
Some of the languages on the pieces he could not read. These items were given to Zaezilla for the Coven to decipher. They knew they were to contact him as soon as possible at Buffy's. Diana was the coven's languages specialist. She could convert almost any language living or dead to English. Giles had no time to explain to Zaezilla what these papers may be about, let alone hunt down Diana in the massive estate.  
  
"Zaezilla, I really hate to burden you, but I can't find Diana, and I can't read some of these ancient languages. I really don't have much time. Could you get these pieces to her and see what she can do?"  
  
"Sure Rupert, I think I can manage that. You are leaving so soon?"  
  
"I have to, something's begun. I have to get to Sunnydale to gather the girls. They will be safe with Buffy, I hope."  
  
"What's going on? What girls? Those two little girls who have been fighting their way through your day? Them?"  
  
"Them, and others like them. They are special, they are potential slayers. If Faith dies any one of them could replace her. If there are no girls to replace her, the line is over, a dead end, then something awful could begin and there would be nothing left to stop it. Something has started attacking the line, I don't know what or who it is, but it is going after the potentials and their watchers. Do you think you could organize some locater spells to find others like them? It would be immensely appreciated. I had Willow hack in and steal a copy of the Council's list, but there are girls being called and recognized every day, some out there don't even know they are potentials."  
  
"What makes these girls so different? How are they marked as potentials? How does the Council identify them?"  
  
"There are many ways, they monitor hospitals, mental institutions, police reports, that sort of thing. Some of them are marked visibly, they have a large mole on their shoulder; others have visions, visions of past slayers, of vampires, future prophecies. Many of these girls end up in mental institutions; their families think they are going crazy. Others get into a lot of fights, and have heavy arrest records. All of them are a part of a line. Some have direct lineage, their grandmothers and mothers were potentials, just never called. Some have no idea they are apart of something this big. Mostly it's a blood line. The line has spread all over the world, the line heavily diluted, but it is still there underneath it all."  
  
"Why are all of them so important? I mean if you save 5 of them isn't that enough to keep the line going?"  
  
"No, that's the problem. A girl could miss her calling by days, minutes, hours. If Faith were to die on May 3rd, that could be Annabelle's day, but if she dies on the 5th it could be Molly. But if she dies at 5:30 pm on the 5th it could be some girl who we've never known about. That's the problem, we don't know who is next. Plus we can't lose the other girls, we need them to go out, get married, have babies, have daughters, and pass on the line. The Council sent out a message to the watchers that they are to send all girls to Sunnydale, but many of the watchers are gone, no replacements are being sent, the girls are basically just waiting to be picked off."  
  
"So we are looking for marked girls, girls sharing blood? How were the last 2 or 3 identified?"  
  
"Buffy had the mole, and later was institutionalized for about 3 weeks, the Council monitored her closely, when the slayer died, they sent Merrick to her. Merrick was killed and so I was sent to Sunnydale to find her. Kendra was born into a bloodline, she knew since she was a child. Faith had a police record a mile long, her grandmother had been known to be a potential, her mother was lost off the radar until she gave birth to Faith. Her parent's split, her mum disappeared again, her father beat her, and she ran away. We sent Chandler to watch her and take her in. She began training and then, well Kendra met her untimely demise. Then through a set of horrible circumstances Chandler died as well."  
  
"So there are two active slayers?"  
  
"Technically, no. Buffy is dead by all accounts, actually dead twice over. The first time she was resuscitated with CPR, the second time Willow raised her from the dead. Faith has been in prison for the last 2 or 3 years, so Buffy has been carrying on her duty after her time."  
  
"Okay. We will need some blood from the girls you have with you so we can identify others. Why is this Faith in prison? You speak so painfully of her. You speak as if she is already dead."  
  
"She killed a man, not her first, but this is the one she is taking her penance for. The Council tried to take her after the first one, to reform her, fix her. But she joined the other team. Buffy put her in the hospital, a coma for about 8 months. Then she woke up and started wrecking havoc again. Eventually she ended up in LA, where she tortured her watcher, Wesley, after killing a man and beating several others. Eventually she turned herself in, she's been in there since. She is sort of a sitting duck, just waiting to be picked off if the line is being attacked."  
  
"We can contact her for you. We can warn her in a vision, like one of those prophecy dreams. She really should know her life is in jeopardy. As bad a girl she is, she does not to deserve to die because you didn't warn her."  
  
"She won't trust a vision. I am not even sure she has ever had one. She's not the open type, willing to talk about things like that. Is there a way to get a letter to her, fast? She may trust that more."  
  
"You know we can do that."  
  
Giles quickly jotted down a note.  
  
"Please get this off to her. I will have the girls come down here and give you blood samples. Let Diana know she can contact me at this number in the States. It is Buffy's house, if I am not there someone who can take a message will be. This is also where you should contact me about other girls."  
  
"Yes, indeed. We will take care of these things. Is Willow leaving with you? You know she is nowhere near ready to leave."  
  
"She has a week left, I need her back in Sunnydale. I know you will not be able to get all the lessons through, but she is so powerful and I will need all the help I can get."  
  
"I don't think that is a good idea. She needs to stay here."  
  
"I know, but she is of no use if she is here, we need her badly, otherwise all I have to work with is a twice dead slayer, another vampire with a soul, a 1,000 year old vengeance demon, a carpenter, and a key that doesn't open anything. It'd not much of an army without the witch. If Tara were still around, but well, you know, she's dead, so we need Willow."  
  
"The coven could send one of us until she is ready."  
  
"No, we need Willow, Buffy trusts her, well I think she still does. Willow is already familiar with the line, we need her emotional connection to the system."  
  
"Fine, but if she goes all crazy again don't say we didn't warn you!"

* * *

**California State Women's High Security Reform Facility**  
  
Faith's cell was small. After the first few weeks, the Wardens had learned that Faith didn't play or live well with others. She hadn't had a cellmate since, and thus ended up in a smaller single cell. Faith was the top of the food chain. No one messed with her. In the first few months the other inmates constantly tested her. She never lost a fight. A lesser girl would have been dead 3 years ago; slayer strength was a definite bonus in life, even if that life was behind bars.  
  
Faith had few visitors. Angel showed up once in a while. Wes had stopped by once or twice. Even her lawyer stopped showing up. She didn't get any mail either. Once she got a letter from some long lost Aunt out east. Faith didn't know who this woman was, so she never wrote back, she wasn't much for writing anyway.  
  
Days, months, years had ticked by, Faith had it good though. Being at the top had its advantages: free cigarettes, CD players, and magazines, anything she wanted. Penance was posh. Inmates kissed her ass, tried to get on her good side, get her to protect them. Faith didn't work for anyone but herself, as on the outside she was a lone gun in here.  
  
"Yo Faith, How's it goin?"  
  
"Five by Five"  
  
The other inmate walked away. Faith looked down.  
  
"Yo Angie! Come back here. Did you drop this in here?" Faith held an envelope in her hand, "Did this come for me at mail call? You know I stopped going."  
  
"Nah Faith, I didn't drop nothin. I don't get much mail either, so I don't go too. See you in the yard later? I gotta go to therapy."  
  
"Yeah, I'll see you later." Faith turned back around with the letter in her hands. No address was on it, just her name, in block letters: FAITH. It was as if the envelope had appeared out of thin air. This sort of thing wouldn't have surprised her on the outside, SunnyD was the Hell mouth after all, and LA was just, well weird. She cautiously opened it, careful of what could be inside it. A small piece of paper met her fingertips. She unfolded it:  
  
_Faith:  
This is Giles. Something has come after the slayer line. We are looking into it. You are probably a target on the list. Be careful, watch your back, you are a sitting duck right now. Either Wesley or myself will be by shortly to update you. This is of the utmost importance, you are not the only target, and others have already been taken out. Be very careful Faith, your life and the slayer line may depend on it.  
-Giles_  
  
She folded the note back up and stuffed it in the envelope. She hid it in her mattress. This was just the sort of thing the warden was looking for to put her in solitary. Some sort of ultra-cryptic note about a line and death and well, it was fodder for punishment.  
  
_No pressure, a destiny line going back thousands of years just depends on you not getting whacked. Good old Giles, always cryptic, always serious._  
  
Faith wasn't that alarmed. A few years in prison, a few months in Sunnydale and a few days in L.A., and nothing surprises you. Her life was always in jeopardy; some new hot shot was always showing up and challenging her superiority. Faith always won. This, this was nothing to worry about, she could watch her back, hell no one else ever had.   
  
Faith laid back on the thin mattress which had come to be her bed, put on her headphone and cranked up the music. She lit a cigarette and started bobbing her head to the music. From a foot away one could hear the music radiating from her ears: _London calling, upon the zombies of death, Quit holding out-and draw another breath..._

* * *

**Sunnydale, California**

Dinner was over, Xander and Anya had gone back to their respective apartments. Xander told her to call if Spike attacked her, as if Xander could save Buffy. Spike and Dawn were playing rummy and watching Nazi's on the History channel. Buffy slowly cleaned up, it was hard being Joyce, playing mom, being responsible for someone besides herself. The phone rang.  
  
"BUF-FY, Phone's for you, its Giles AGAIN!"  
  
"Dawn, here is so no reason to yell, I am like one room away!" She picked up the kitchen phone. "Okay Dawn you can hang up now." She heard the familiar click. "To what do I owe the honor? Two phone calls in one day? Did someone die?"  
  
"Buffy, no one is dead, I am going to be arriving sooner than I planned. I am leaving today"  
  
"Is it tomorrow over there or today? Cos its like Thursday over here."  
  
"It's Friday here. You should be expecting me and three maybe four girls by Saturday."  
  
"Saturday my time or your time?"

"Your time maybe? Yes, your time."

"Thanks for the heads-up this time. Much better than having a screaming vampire show up on my porch in the middle of the day."  
  
"Buffy I apologize for that, I didn't know where Willow was sending him. Buffy, I warned Faith to keep her eyes open and be extra careful. You should do the same."  
  
"What? Go warn Faith? I am not driving like 2 hours north to tell a homicidal maniac, 'Be Careful'"  
  
"No, I meant watch yourself. Be careful. I wouldn't go patrolling until I can tell you more about what's going on."  
  
"O-kay... Giles you are starting to freak me out. I mean first you send Spike back to help me and watch me, and now you are warning me again about something. What's going on?"  
  
"Buffy, I have some minor details, but I can't go into it over the phone."  
  
"Okay, so it's so bad, that the phone lines can't handle it? What are the details so hot it may melt international communication lines?"  
  
"Buffy, stop being smarmy. I need you to call L.A. and have Wesley meet me at your house on Saturday. Can you get a hold of him for me?"  
  
"Yeah of course, he's at Angel's still."  
  
"I need to get going, these girls are driving me insane! They are part of the reason I need to get out of here, the other is I think England won't be safe for us much longer. These girls are going to drive me to an early grave."  
  
"Not the fatherly type are you?"  
  
"No, definitely no. I already did that."  
  
"So when does your flight come in? You will need your official Scooby, well Quasi-Scooby welcoming party. If it's at night we may even be able to convince Spike to drive the Joyce-mobile. You know how he hates fluorescent lights, but I bet we could convince him to enter the airport for you!"  
  
"It's okay, we will take a cab, I can't have us causing a scene. It's just not safe to have all of you in such a public place. By the way how is Spike? Back at his crypt yet? How is it going? Are you okay?"  
  
"Things are fine Giles. He isn't going back to the crypt. Clem turned it into Spike's personal hell, it's very Teen Beat. He is stopping by to grab some stuff he had left there; you know weapons, clothes, that sort of thing. He is going to be staying at Chateau Summers."  
  
"Is that wise? I mean Buffy..."  
  
"I'll explain it when you get here, It's not something I can go into over the phone." Buffy mocked Giles in her best holier-than-thou Giles voice.  
  
"You mock me because you know I am right."   
  
In the background Buffy could hear girls fighting and screaming Giles' name. "Maybe I should let you go, it sounds like World War III is about to break out."  
  
"You are probably right. I will see you on Saturday, take care, and be safe. Good-bye."  
  
"Bye".  
  
Buffy hung up the phone. Giles was starting to worry her. How bad did it have to be for Giles to contact Faith? She picked the phone back up to call Wesley. She still knew the number by heart even though she rarely called it anymore.  
  
"Angel Investigations, this is Lorne, I'll be your host this afternoon, how can I help you?"  
  
"Hey Lorne, is Wesley there?"  
  
"Hey kitten! Buffy, how are you? I had a feeling it was you."  
  
"Hey, things are okay I guess. How about you?"  
  
"Things are just fantastic! You wanna say hi to Cordelia? Angel?"  
  
"No, that's okay, I really just need to talk to Wes."  
  
"Well, Wes isn't here right now. He went out to pick up our Chinese a while ago, and if he isn't back with my Kung-pow Chicken I am going to make him pay!"  
  
"Pay?"  
  
"Yeah, four hours of nothing but Celine Dion songs. Think that'll do it?"  
  
"God, I think that'd be enough to make someone's head explode."  
  
"Maybe just that Titanic song over and over, yeah that would be even worse."  
  
"I would have to agree."  
  
"Angel is here, wanna say hello to the big brooding puppy?"  
  
"No, that's okay, can you just have Wes give me a call as soon as he gets back. It's really important. If he doesn't come back I need you to call me, like immediately."  
  
"Okay toots. So, how's the good old Hell mouth?"  
  
"Oh, you know the usual, lots of baddies thinking they are the baddest, right before I kill them. OH! Dawn is headed back to school soon. The new High School is like right on top of the Hell mouth, just like the last one."  
  
"High School being Hell takes on a whole new meaning around there doesn't it?"  
  
"Yeah. Well, have Wes call me when he gets in, its really important, I need to tell him something from Giles."  
  
"You got it! I will tell him, you have my word. Have a good night."  
  
"Thanks Lorne, take care."  
  
She hung up the phone and sensed someone behind her.  
  
"Who you talking to?" Spike asked as he walked past her to the refrigerator.  
  
"Oh, no one, that was Lorne. I needed to talk to Wesley but he wasn't there."  
  
"Wesley, as in the guy who works with Angel in LA?"  
  
"Yeah, he's Faith's watcher, well I guess unofficial watcher. Can you still be someone's watcher after they have tortured you?"  
  
"Don't know, pet. So did you talk to..."  
  
"No I didn't talk to Angel."  
  
Spike grabbed a soda and some dip out of the refrigerator, and set is on the counter, looking for the chips.  
  
"I don't care if you had, you know, talked to him."  
  
"Okay, well, Wes is going to call me when he gets in. Giles needs me to talk to him."  
  
"You can talk to Angel, that's fine with me, you know that right?"  
  
"Spike, What's the problem? I didn't call to talk to Angel, hell I haven't really talked to him since I came back. It was all weird when I did. I think he's kinda with Cordelia, and there is that kid he had with Darla, and well, his life is so messed up, that I sorta can't bring myself to talk to him."  
  
"Him and Darla have a kid? That's just not possible."  
  
"Apparently in LA anything is possible. Anyways, so what's with the snacks?"  
  
"The platelet is hungry, I was grabbing some stuff for her, she is overly involved in the Blitzkrieg. When did she become such a history buff? If I get one more, tell me about World War II question I may have to lock her in a bomb shelter."  
  
"I don't know what that's all about. I mean I know she didn't get the interest from me, cos history, eechhhh! So not my deal. I don't think we have a bomb shelter anyways."  
  
"The sewers'll do fine then." He smiled at her; it had always seemed so odd when he smiled at her. She half expected him to vamp out and come after her like the old days.   
  
"I think I am going to run over to the crypt and grab my things. I was going to occupy her with the snacks and run before the questions started again."  
  
"Ummm, do you think you can wait until, say, Saturday? Cos Giles just called again, and whatever is going on is serious, he wants me to stop patrolling until he gets here. He has never wanted me to stop patrolling. He contacted Faith somehow, he wants me to have Wesley come up here to meet him, Spike, this is seriously starting to worry me. I mean he was all Apocalypse-y on me, but usually that involves more jokes."  
  
"I guess I can wait, I just wanted some clothes, and to dig up the wine I hid downstairs. Trust me, the last thing we want is Clem finding that, he gets all weepy when he's drunk, I mean have you ever seen anything with that much skin crying like a little girl? Its awful, the stuff nightmares are made of. We can just wash the clothes I have, I mean they are getting a bit rank even for my standards."  
  
"Yeah, you know where the washer is, go throw your stuff in it."  
  
"Remember what happened last time I went near the laundry? I believe it involved a Hawaiian shirt and some sort of short pants. No, I used to pay someone to do my laundry, I'm not going near that bloody machine."  
  
"Then give me your stuff and I'll do it. I am sure Dawn has changed her clothes enough in the last two days to create a pile worth doing."  
  
Dawn walks into the kitchen. She stops and stares at them.  
  
"Am I interrupting something? Cos I can so turn around right now."  
  
"What?" Buffy didn't realize that her and Spike were not more than a few inches away from each other. "No, we're just talking about laundry."  
  
"Laundry? I am not a kid anymore! I mean if you were talking about sex or something you can just say it. I just want my chips and soda."  
  
"We were actually talking about laundry, niblet. Here's your food."  
  
"So Spike, were you ever in a Nazi bunker? I mean they all had bunkers, not like the English though, they had bomb shelters, and the fat guy had that war room in the basement of that place."  
  
"Dawn, I never was in a Nazi bunker. The fat guy's name is Winston Churchill. I told you I spent most of that war in hiding, I mean all those bodies, we didn't even need to kill to feast like kings. Plus Drusilla went bug shaggin' crazy every time a bomb hit, we pretty much stayed out of the way, headed to America half way through it on a boat."  
  
"Spike! Don't tell her about eating war victims!"  
  
"Why not? She is well aware I was once a fierce vampire with a thing for the human blood. She's not daft."  
  
"It's okay Buffy, I can handle it."  
  
"Whatever. Spike, get me your clothes I'll wash them. Dawn go, go, go stare at the TV and learn more about bunkers or whatever."  
  
Dawn grabbed her food and left the kitchen.  
  
"Um, Buffy?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Half the clothes I currently possess are on my body right now."  
  
A wicked smile passed over Buffy's face, as she walked towards him. Grabbing his shirt she says, "Well I guess that we'll just have to find some way to get you out of them."  
  
"Buffy..." Spike starts to back away.  
  
"Spike, come here, I don't bite... hard."  
  
"What's gotten into you Summers?"  
  
"Nothing, don't stare at me like I'm on fire, okay? How does this sound? You go upstairs, run a bath, cos damn, you are a bit ripe, use Willow's bathroom. Put your clothes outside the door Mr. Modesty and I'll wash them while you bathe. Is that okay?"  
  
"Fine, that'll work. I just don't want to rush into anything that you'll regret. I mean Buffy, I attacked you, and you act like it never happened."  
  
"I know it happened, but I'm over it, you should be too. Now go, upstairs with you!"  
  
Spike sulked off like a wounded dog. _Why can't he just believe me? Why can't he trust me? _Buffy wondered.

* * *

_I must be losing it. This cannot be happening. This honestly isn't happening. This is some sort of twisted dream courtesy of the soul._  
  
Spike hadn't been haunted all day. The voices, the scream,s the visions, all had ceased. Keeping busy must do that. But now alone in the bathroom, with nothing but silence they were back. Today wasn't supposed to work out like this. She was supposed to hate him, she was supposed to loathe him, kick his ass to the curb, but she hadn't.   
  
The hot water felt good on his cold flesh. He always preferred a bath; the total submergence into heat was something of a comfort, made him feel almost alive. The after effect was good too, his flesh could stay warm, feel alive, for about a half hour afterwards. Spike hadn't felt this alive in years, but still behind it there was the torture of the soul.   
  
He closed his eyes. Behind his lids he could see them, all different eras, countries, but all the same look of terror as they realized what was about to happen. The noises also came back, not just screams: the rip of flesh under his teeth, the empty wheeze of a last breath, the cries of infants abandoned in cribs when mothers were dead. Spike, when out alone, spared the children if possible; with Dru or Darla around he couldn't, but alone he could.   
  
Dru loved tearing into infants, she went at them with the fury of a starving child with a lone ripe plum. Letting the juices trickle down her neck, letting the blood run warm down her ivory neck, begging Spike to lick it off. She would often hold the infants for hours afterward. Spike would often have to drag her out of a house because dawn was coming, and she didn't want to leave. Dru even seemed to haunt him, not her actually, but what he had let her do, what he stood by and let her do. Wiping out whole orphanages in Russia, treating flower girls on street corners as if they were her personal chalices, cleaving paperboys in the predawn streets of London, she loved children so. They all came back to him, children, women, men, all of them they all howled at him now, their corpses chasing his thoughts, driving him towards madness.  
  
_Stop it, leave me alone, let me have a spot of peace, I am atoning, I am trying, please just let me go!_  
  
Spike shook himself out of it when the knocking began.  
  
"Spike? Spike, are you okay? Say something! Stopping messing with me, say something!"  
  
"What?" Spike stood up and wrapped the towel around his waist. Another he grabbed to dry off his upper body and hair. He opened the door to see Buffy standing there.  
  
"What the hell was going on? I have been out here pounding on the door for like 10 minutes! I mean I know you can't drown, and you're already dead, but I was worried that something happened." She walked into the bathroom, past him. "So what was going on?"  
  
"I must have zoned out or something. You know lost in thought, that sort of thing. It's all right I'm snapped out of it now. You got my clothes?"  
  
"That's sort of the thing. The dryer is acting up and Xander can't look at it 'til tomorrow."  
  
"Bloody hell. Brilliant. So I have either no clothes or sopping wet clothes, am I right?"  
  
"You're not wrong."  
  
"Can you send Dawn off to the crypt to grab me something to wear? I mean this big bad isn't after her, so she should be safe, Clem can walk her home."  
  
"Already done. She left a few minutes ago. She'll probably hang out there for a while; they watch Dawson's Creek reruns a lot. They just love Pacey."  
  
"So, what, I am supposed to wander around with no pants for the next few hours? Great. This is just perfect, first the spirits, now no pants, this is just too good."  
  
"The spirits?"  
  
"Side-effect of the soul. I am sure Angel told you about them, he's all in touch with his feelings like that. You sort of get haunted by the people you killed, you get to sort of relive the atrocities you're committed; it's part of the bargain. You as a vampire get a soul, and you have to reconcile the dead in you. Not a lot of fun, but Giles gave me some sleeping pills so I can at least get through the night, I hadn't slept in weeks until I got a hold of him."  
  
Spike didn't realize Buffy had walked up behind him. She put her hand on his back, and wrapped the other around him.  
  
"I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. You're warm. Is that a side effect of the soul too? You get all warm like? Angel wasn't warm, but his soul was a bit more temporary."  
  
"No, that's the bath, pet. Like a cold-blooded lizard I am, you put me in hot water I warm up for a while. It's only temporary."  
  
Feeling her pressed up against him made him feel warm inside too. This was one of the things having a soul did, it made you fill up with joy, it warmed your insides. He could smell her, as the day wore on her scent only grew deeper. That was the thing about people; they didn't know how good they smelled, not just their blood, their bodies as well. He could feel her breath, and her cheek against his back, he could barely detect their warmth, it was more that he just knew they were there.   
  
"Spike?"  
  
"What Buffy?"  
  
"Do you want to go to bed?"  
  
"What? No, I don't want to have sex with you, how many times do I have to..."  
  
"No I just mean lay there, with me. Just lay there, not doing anything."  
  
"Well, I don't know if that's such a good idea, I mean the little bit might get the wrong idea."  
  
"She'll be gone for hours." She started pushing him towards the door. Once out she pulled him into Willow's bed, Tara's bed.  
  
"Not here."  
  
"Why? I can smell them here. I can smell Red and Tara, if this is going to happen, it'll be in your bed, where all there is is you."  
  
"Okay, come on." She grabbed his hand, hers was so tiny in his. When they entered the room he felt at ease, the sight of the iron bed, the windows, this was his Buffy. On each side of the bed like Sentries stood the statues he had brought her. "I'll be right back, just get in bed."  
  
He settled in, he had so longed to be here, in this bed where Riley and Angel both got to hold her, be with her, near her. It was nearly pitch black in her room; she had drawn her shades and curtains. He figured it was because of all that day sleeping a slayer must do. He heard her come back into the room. Spike turned from her, laid on his side under pounds of blankets. He felt her get into the bed as well, the warmth on his skin was beginning to fade, just enough that he could tell her heat before he felt her. She sidled up to him, and that is when he realizes, she's naked. Her small arm curls over his body and she intertwines her legs with his.  
  
"This is nice," Buffy whispers at him "you still feel so warm."  
  
"Buffy..." Spike began to object, this wasn't right.  
  
"Shhhh... Be quiet, turn around, just hold me, I'm tired William, I am just so tired."  
  
She let go of him and rolled over, he followed her lead. It always got him when she called him William. He pulled himself close to her, wrapped his arm around her, resting his hand on her collarbone. He pushed his right leg in between hers, she slunk lower so her head was at his chest level, and wrapped her arm over his. Spike closed his eyes, and they curled their bodies together. Just laying there, just being still, only listening to her breathe, her heart pounding away pushing all that blood through her, feeling her relax, beneath him. _Yes, I must be losing my mind._


	9. Pure & Simple

**Authors Note: **Thanks for all the reviews! I just want to clarify a few things. Timeends here are your concerns: #1, this is an Alternate Universe in the sense that this is loosely based one what happened the last season, but that it is not what happened at all. #2 I figured that in all reality if Buffy cleansed the house after he tied her up, it was pretty likely she did the same after an attempted rape, even if she didn't I could figure Xander, Dawn and Giles would take care of it when Willow was done trying to destroy the world. They are protective like that. I recently rewatched 'Beneath You' the other day, and you're right he didn't need to be reinvited in, but again this is my world. #3 Spike calling Giles, Giles instead of Rupert, most of the time, I noticed that in the last season Spike didn't overly call him Rupert. Regardless, I am using Spike's use of the name 'Giles' as a way of him trying to work within the Scooby system, in a sense trying to be one of the gang. #4 Hey the Jehovah's Witnesses still come to my house! #5, I'll keep an eye out for my overusage of the word 'fine' I didn't realize I was, so I will definately keep an eye out for it now. LoganAlpha30: Oh this story is only starting out as a Spike/Buffy thing, Faith, Angel, Willow, and many other characters are going to be worked in. Faith is one of my favorite Buffy-verse people so once I get her into the picture I promise some reconciling (and it won't be like it was on Angel last year cos I thought the Wes/Faith this was a bit contrived), and a romantic interest for her, who I will not tell you yet. Also sorry about the spelling errors, I am reformatting this story in Front Page Express and thye don't have a spell-check feature. Not only am I reformatting by I am changing the POV so if there are any inconsistencies I appologize, I will go back and fix them as soon as I can. One other note on the Buffy & Spike characterizations: In my AU Buffy is desperately in love with Spike, but Buffy is emotionally adolescent, she doesn't know how to express her feelings towards him in any way other than the physical way which she has communicated with him before. Thus she comes off a bit skanky. Also I wanted to show Buffy growing up, she may still be the vampire slayer but she's also trapped at a dead-end job, she's a parent in a sense to Dawn, and she has had to become a bit more on the domestic tip, which when it happens, can be exceptionally lonely, and can make one over anxious for human contact. So that's why Buffy seems desperate, emotionally hungry. Spike I am trying to show as picking up some of William's presumed Victorian modesty, also his soul gives him a conscious which although Spike was conscientious before the soul, he still really didn't feel guilt the way say Angel does. The guilt of 126+ years of killing can't leave him the same old Spike. It's got to take its toll on him, but instead of it making him some sort of poncy Nancy-boy, I'm having it mature him, so he will make adult decisions, and not just look at how something works out for him, he has genuine concern for Buffy & Co., but at the same time he and Buffy will sometimes regress into what they once were. Buffy & Spike are two characters that throughout the series no matter how much they 'grew' they were both still very immature, now I am giving them a chance to mature without Buffy becoming a royal bitch or Spike becoming pansy of the century. Buffy is a story about growing up, so I'm trying to create a story where 2 pivotal characters do, arguably in the final season Joss & Co. did their best to do this, but I'd like to do it without making Spike an insane killer/wuss and Buffy the kind of figure who's friends would kick her out. -Please keep reviewing, and reading and all that rot! I don't care if you love it or hate it, just let me know! and now on with the show! -Adrianna

Nighttime slows, raindrops splash rainbows  
Perhaps some one you know, could sparkle and shine  
As daydreams slide to color from shadow  
Picture the moon glow, that dazzles my eyes, and I love you  
Just lying smiling in the dark. Shooting stars around your heart  
Dreams come bouncing in your head. Pure and simple every time  
Dream of sights, of sleigh rides in seasons  
Where feelings not reasons, can make you decide  
As leaves pour down, splash autumn on gardens  
As colder nights harden, their moonlit delights, and I love you  
Just lying smiling in the dark. Shooting stars around your heart  
Dreams come bouncing in your head. Pure and simple every time  
Now you're crying in your sleep. I wish you'd never learnt to weep   
Don't sell the dreams you should be keeping. Pure and simple every time  
Look at me with starry eyes. Push me up to starry skies  
There's stardust in my head. Pure and simple every time  
Fresh and deep as oceans new; shiver at the sight of you  
I'll sing a softer tune. Pure and simple over you  
If love's the truth then look no lies  
And let me swim around your eyes  
I've found a place I'll never leave  
Shut my mouth and just believe  
Love is the truth I realize  
Not a stream of pretty lies  
To use us up and waste our time  
-I. Broudie 

**Tijuana, Mexico**

"Jonathan, wouldn't it be cool if we stopped at some bordello and had to fight the vampires until the dawn? You know, like Antonio Banderas and George Clooney?" Andrew wondered out loud.  
  
"Yeah, that'd be cool, very Robert Rodrigez. From Dusk 'til Dawn was a very highly underrated movie. I'm definitely Antonio"  
  
"No you aren't, I'M Antonio!"  
  
Andrew hit Jonathan. They were walking through the vegetable market in Tijuana. Both were wearing their ponchos, sombreros and sandals, 'undercover' as they believed. Instead they stuck out like a sore thumb, no one really dressed like that. They were heading back to their meager, efficiency apartment. Andrew was thankful that Jonathan had stashed away $1,000.00 of their 'let's take over the world' money, hid it from Warren. This thousand afforded them the ability to eat and have a roof over their heads.   
  
Mexico was cheap though. Jonathan had started doing small amounts of magick on the side. Simple little things, love spells, locater spells, the possession of a rival's goat by evil spirits, that sort of thing. Andrew hadn't found a huge calling for demon raisers, so he was working at a corner taco stand, mainly as the English speaker to lure in the American tourists. They had finally stopped fighting about the Warren situation. Jonathan felt betrayed by his long time friend, Andrew was always looking for someone to follow, Warren just happened to be there. Andrew felt guilty, he could tell that Jonathan didn't trust him, he knew that Jonathan kept a knife in his bag, next to the bed, just in case Andrew lashed out at him.  
  
"I don't feel good" Andrew whined as they entered the single room apartment.   
  
"That's because you keep eating those tacos at work.You know they are probably made of dog. Since that stand went up there has been a noticeable decline in strays."  
  
"You're sick, they don't eat dog." Andrew knew that Jonathan was probably right and went to the bathroom to purge his lunch.  
  
When Andrew returned to the room, both boys sat on the edge of the bed, flipping through the channel on their black and white TV.  
  
"I can't believe we only get 1 station and the X-files isn't even on it, it's like living in the stone age." Andrew bounced on the bed as he spoke.  
  
"I know, I am going through serious withdrawal, haven't they heard of syndication down here?"  
  
"Mulder loves me, I mean I love Mulder, he's so cool, all Mac Gyver like."   
  
"It's depressing, all we get is Baywatch and that creepy show with the fat man in cartoon shirts." Jonathon lamented.  
  
"Yeah, I think that's like the Mexican version of Passions, I don't speak Mexican but I can tell that it's weird."   
  
"Andrew, they speak Spanish, not Mexican."  
  
"Whatever, I don't care."  
  
"Fine."  
  
It was getting dark. Andrew ate chips in bed, he was always getting crumbs everywhere, irritating Jonathan. The past few nights had been bad. Neither wanted to sleep. They had dreams, similar dreams, but both ending the same way with death and total destruction. The only thing they had in this world was each other, and now they even weren't sure that would last due to apocalypse.  
  
"Hey Jonathan, what did that guy say to you in your dream last night, I mean in English"  
  
"I think it was something like 'It eats you starting with your bottom'."  
  
"The Klingon who was kicking my, I-I-I mean who's ass I was kicking said like the same thing, only it was more like 'Your ass will be eaten from the ground.' Thats weird right, having the same dream?"  
  
"Yeah, its weird. Did yours take place in Sunnydale?"  
  
"Actually I was in Sunnydale, but I was on the USS Enterprise, original version not the newer one. It was like parked at the mall, but no other crew members were around, except me and I had this awesome uniform..." Jonathan stared at him. "Yeah I was in Sunnydale."  
  
"Do you think we should go back? I mean I can feel something is going on, something's not right. The requests for farm animal possessions have had a sharp incline this week, and someone asked me to locate a dead person because they were seeing that person in their house."  
  
"Wow, just like the Sixth Sense."  
  
"Yeah. Maybe we should take the rest of the money and head back."  
  
"But we're wanted men. We're on the lamb, we're men with a price on our heads!"  
  
"Stop being dramatic. I doubt they would want us back in jail after what happened last time. Plus it's not like the FBI is after us, its the Sunnydale PD, like the only thing they do is take mysteriously dead bodies to the morgue and send slime samples into the crime lab."  
  
"Yeah. Ooo Ooo Ooo We could go in disguise. I could be a wealthy business man from a distant land and you could be my dwarf."  
  
"Fuck you Andrew."  
  
"What? Oh yeah, the short jokes, sor-ry. Won't Buffy and Darth Rosenberg and the rest of her creepy squad come after us? I mean we didn't leave on the best of terms, and like the slayer is supposed to stop stuff like this."  
  
"I didn't think about that. We'll keep low for a few days, I'll go and talk to her. Tell her about what we've been seeing. The dead girls are in your dream too right?"  
  
"I think so, I mean the Enterprise is a very expansive ship, so I can't be positive, but I think there was a dead girl in the mall parking lot."  
  
"You are so weird. Anyways, they are pretty good with this sort of stuff. Remember when they blew up the High School?"  
  
"Yeah, that was cool. What if they blow us up?"  
  
"They won't blow us up. If we offer to help, explain we are on a road of redemption, you know doing the good fight, that sort of thing. I mean they let that vampire hang around, and Anya, who's apparently some sort of demon now, they are reformed evil, and if Willow didn't kill them all they are probably still hanging out with her."  
  
"Yeah Anya's a vengeance demon. D'Hoffryn, her boss, totally offered me a job after the whole Warren flaying, saying I had a reason to be mad, blah blah blah, I told him that his benefits package was unacceptable. But he told me about her, she's pretty wicked with the scorned women. Anyways I didn't need to be a demon, cos I can just call them anyways. I don't think we should go back yet."  
  
"I think we have to."  
  
They both laid in bed, Jonathan turned off the sound, only the half static images of Pamela Anderson and David Hasslehoff bouncing down a sunny beach could be seen.  
  
"You know David Hasselhoff is a huge pop star in Germany." Andrew announced.

"I'm going to sleep.  
  
Jonathan turned off the TV, and the light next to his bed. It was the only light in the whole room. He rolled to his side and put his back to Andrew. Andrew continued eating chips and crinkling the bag.  
  
"Damnit Andrew, stop it. I want to sleep."  
  
"And I want to eat corn chips and think about David Hasslehoff joining my band and touring Germany with me."  
  
"What band? You don't have a band! Well can you think and eat more quietly cos you are inhibiting my ability to sleep."  
  
"Whatever. You are just jealous."  
  
"Jealous of what? Your ability to eat with your mouth open? Maybe your strange new obsession with David Hasslehoff?"  
  
"Fine! I'll stop."  
  
Andrew threw the bag of chips on the floor, and then dramatically threw himself at his pillow. He was such an attention getter, so desperate to be the center of attention, but also so eager to follow.   
  
"Jonathon?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"If you have one of those dreams again, wake me up okay? I'll wake you up if I have one, cos I mean, it'll be easier to understand them if we do."  
  
"Okay..."  
  
"I mean it'll make me feel better if I don't have to be awake and alone, cos they're kinda scary."  
  
"Yeah I know."  
  
Both boys pulled the blankets up close to their faces, dreading sleep, but desperately needing it. It didn't take long before both were passed out cold. They had been so tired and self absorbed that they hadn't noticed the presence in the room. Warren's shape watched them from the shadows. He was calculating just how these two, who were so reliant on each other, could be pitted against each other again. There was always a way. Going back to Sunnydale wasn't in his plans, but he could work around it. Plans were always fluid, subject to change. "From beneath you it devours boys, from beneath you" he whispered before disapearing.   
  
Tomorrow morning they would wake up, pack their things, and buy a car. Tomorrow they would leave for Sunnydale. 

* * *

**Sunnydale, California**

The last heat of summer was radiating from her windows. Summer was winding down, and like an animal, vampires could feel when seasons were turning. Soon it would turn colder, leaves may fall, frost in the morning, the world would slow down. Not right now though. Right now he was laying in this bed, with the woman he thought would cause his heart to beat again, right now he was content. It was day, at least 9 am, probably later. He could hear the TV downstairs, Dawn flipping the channels between music videos and bombing runs. A pile of clothes was in front of Buffy's closet, and a bag of them too. Dawn had been in there, seen this. She would know, she would think things that were not true.   
  
He had been awake for hours. He couldn't rip himself from her, he couldn't leave, because he feared that at any moment she would change her mind, kick him out, abandon him. She was so warm and soft. He traced her spine with his fingers, watched her chest rise and fall with breath, touched her hair, her gorgeous head of spun gold. Occasionally she murmured something, or moaned. She tossed a lot in her sleep. He had held her down most of the night. Apparently not even in sleep could a slayer rest.  
  
It finally dawned on him that last night he hadn't been tortured, hadn't been teased and abused by the spirits, and hadn't taken the sleeping pills. Maybe his redemption was moving forward, maybe he was getting over it, or maybe it was just the completeness he felt here, with her, that made them disappear.   
  
He could feel the hunger building in him. Since the soul he didn't eat nearly as often as he should. Even with the chip he had 3 warm meals a day not to mention the Buffalo wings, blooming onions and large quantities of alcohol. All of them not providing nourishment, just a sense of humanity. That was all Spike really wanted, to be one of them, to be like them, to have a second chance at a mortal life. It could never be, and he knew it.  
  
The phone rang downstairs, Spike could hear Dawn leap from the couch to the portable phone. Soon he heard her climbing up the steps, skipping every other one, something she must have picked up from him.   
  
"Yeah, hold on I'll wake her up" Dawn walked through the door. "Hey Spike, wake up sleeping beauty there, it's Wesley, he called last night but I think she was already in bed, the message was on the machine when I got home."  
  
"Buffy? Buffy wake up, Wesley's on the phone." He was shaking her. She started to wake up. Dawn handed the phone to Spike and left the room. "Wesley? Yeah, this is Spike, just wait a minute she'll be right with you, she's a deep sleeper." Buffy started to sit up and Spike handed her the phone, "It's Wesley" her face lit up with recognition of what she forgot to do.  
  
"Wes? Yeah this is Buffy."  
  
"Buffy, Lorne told me you called yesterday. I tried ringing you back, but I only got your machine, so I tried back this morning."  
  
"Yeah, sorry I went to bed early."  
  
"Apparently, why is Spike in your bedroom?"  
  
"It's a long story Wes, and one I don't want to explain over the phone. Here's the deal. Giles is coming in tomorrow from England, he wants you here in Sunnydale. He has something very important to tell you regarding Faith and me."  
  
"Faith? Has she gotten loose?"  
  
"No, I guess he contacted her in prison or something. I am guessing something really bad is about to happen, not just big bad-y more like Oh My God Run For Your Life Bad-y."  
  
"Really? When is he coming in?"  
  
"I'm not sure he just said for you to meet him here at my house. He has something he needs to go over with you. He wasn't big on the details. All I know is he will be here on Saturday, with three, but possibly more girls, he can't tell me what's going on over the phone, I am not to patrol until he gets here, and Spike is supposed to be my guardian or something."  
  
"Well, that's peculiar."  
  
"Seriously Wesley, he was wiggin' out on me. I don't know what's going on, but he's got me plenty freaked out. So will you come up?"  
  
"Yes, I will pack my things and head up immediately, I can be there in about 4 hours, I just have a few things to finish up here, and I'm gone."  
  
"You don't need to come until tomorrow, but if you want, you can stay here, we have plenty of room, and left over spaghetti, YUM!"  
  
"Yes, lovely. I will see you later today. Please listen to Giles. I know he wouldn't warn you like that if it wasn't important."  
  
"I know Wesley, see you later."  
  
Buffy hung up the phone. While she was talking Spike had gotten up and got dressed. Looking through the pile of things Dawn brought, he found the old familiar clothes he missed so much.  
  
"So, this'll be fun, 3 Brits in one house. You up for that Spike?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Calling Spike, this is earth, do you read?"  
  
"Sorry, I was just thinking. So this Wesley is coming over?"  
  
"Yeah, I don't think you know him."  
  
"I can't recall, I possibly met him, he sounds pretty unremarkable."  
  
"Yeah he was Faith's watcher. Sort of snobby and a real rule follower, all tweed and corduroy. But I guess now he's all stylin' and cool. Why is it that the second they stop being watchers they get cool?"  
  
"Don't know, pet."  
  
"Spike, I gotta run to the store and get some supplies, sounds like I am going to have a bunch of house guests. So I should get some food and stuff. Do you need anything?"  
  
"A carton of smokes would be nice." He took the last one out of the pack and threw it at her. "Get the ones that look like that, they are pretty good. Oh and here, take this, if I'm going to be staying here I might as well give you my money. Its not much, but it'll help. When I can get back to the crypt I can dig out my stash and give you some more."  
  
"Spike, you don't have to..."  
  
"No, if I am going to live here, I am going to help you pay for things, take it and shut up."  
  
"Wow, if Tara and Willow would have done this I probably wouldn't have had to work at the Doublemeat nightmare."  
  
"Pick up some Guiness too, Giles likes Guiness, and if Wesley has any taste he will too."  
  
"Anything else oh master of all that is grocery?"  
  
"No, that's it. Is there any more blood in the freezer?"  
  
"Um, probably not, I'll stop by the butcher's and stock up."  
  
"You probably shouldn't go alone."  
  
"Spike, nothing ever attacks in Sunnydale during the day. Nothing. You know that."  
  
"Good point, right then. I'll watch the little bit, you go to the store, it'll be grand."  
  
Spike went downstairs. He went for the curio cabinet near the fireplace where the Summers kept their meager book collection. Signs of Willow were still hidden everywhere. When he opened the door, the smell of spoiled mandrake root crept out.  
  
"Yuck! Don't you two ever go in here? Don't you know what happens to Mandrake after a while? God! It smells like someone died in there!"  
  
"What?" Dawn didn't even look up from the TV. Spike dug out the bag of Mandrake as well as several other bags full of odd conjuring plants and threw them out.   
  
A few of Willow's magick books had been stuck in the case when she left. Their collection was nothing special, a random mix of Joyce's art history books, some archaeology, trashy romance novels, and a varied collection of anthologies of short stories, poetry and others. He was looking for the book he was reading when he used to watch Dawn. The book he would read after she had gone to bed and he sat alone in this ghost of a house, a house filled with memories of two women who made him feel more like a man and less like a monster. The house Xander had turned him away from after Joyce died. They didn't realize it, but he visited her grave whenever he could, replacing dead flowers, cleaning the grass clippings off of the headstone. When Buffy was gone he had done the same for her, maintaining his tie with the one Summers woman who was left on this plane, while caring for both after death.   
  
Someone in this house had a thing for Fitzgerald, probably Joyce, Buffy wasn't much of a reader, and if it wasn't in the TV Guide or homework Dawn rarely read herself. He had finished The Great Gatsby, The Beautiful and Damned, and was working on This Side of Paradise when Buffy came back. He never had finished it, and now, being here, with time on his hands he figured he could. He loved Fitzgerald's work, people who had everything, but still had nothing. Men who chased women they would never have, tragic endings, heartbreaking tales, it was everything he remembered the Twenties to be, including the excess and the debauchery. It was a good way to lose an afternoon.  
  
"Guys, I'm going. I'll be back in like an hour. If Wesley calls tell him I'll be right back, same with Giles. If Xander shows up just let him in the basement to fix the dryer. K?"  
  
"Yeah, no problem." Spike didn't even look in her direction.  
  
"Buffy? Could you get me more Dr. Pepper and Pringles, Puh-leeese?"  
  
"Dawn, don't beg, yeah they're on the list. Later"  
  
Buffy left, Dawn zoned out, and Spike found his book. This was the last Friday things would be this simple, this easy, this uncomplicated. Everything felt so domestic, so normal, so not Buffy's world, that it was only a matter of time before things fell apart. 


	10. Triangulation

**Authors Note:** Some people have contacted me about the songs at the beginning of the chapters, the M.L. Gore songs are from the Depeche Mode albums Exciter and Ultra, the Iggy Pop song was on a Depeche Mode single for 'Goodnight Lovers.' The song 'Little Heaven' was on the BtVS the Movie soundtrack, the Song 'One Way Mule' is on the Silverchair CD Diorama. 'I Shall Believe' 'Save Yourself' are from the Roswell TV Show Soundtrack. 'I Do Not Want This' is from the Nine Inch Nails CD The Downward Spiral. 'Pure' is from the Lightning Seeds 'Green' Album. Cursed is on Robbie William's latest CD. All future songs will have their artist and album listed with them. All of the above albums are highly recommended by me. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep reviewing, it inspires me to get off my lazy ass and write, and I need that. Check out my other stories, and check out my favorite stories and authors, they all rule and deserve many happy reviews!! I promise more Spuffy goodness is on its way, just be patient, it is well worth the wait! -Adrianna

Dig your polished nails into the dirt. Rip your skirt off, wipe the hurt off  
You know it tears my heart out when you, Flirt with danger and any stranger  
You're not as stupid as I look. Before I could read, you wrote the book  
Cursed, since your birth dear  
And your worst fears have all come true  
Held my hand when I got my first tattoo. I was naked when it penetrated  
Told everyone I'd slept with you. Thought you'd like it, knew you wouldn't deny it  
St Peter's gonna be unfaithful. Tell God he's got a dirty Angel  
Cursed, since your birth dear  
And your worst fears have all come true  
Babe you're not the first here on earth dear, 'Cause I'm still here and I'm cursed too,  
Cursed like you  
Hush, baby sleep now  
We all love you we always did  
Cursed, since your birth dear  
And your worst fears have all come true  
Babe you're not the first here on earth dear, 'Cause I'm still here,   
And I'm cursed too, cursed like you  
Hush, baby sleep now  
We all miss you, we always will  
-R. Williams, 'Cursed'

**London to New York**

The flight had been miserable. Not so much the flight as the events leading up to the flight. Before they left, Giles had stopped at his friend Robson's house. He was going to offer to pick up his girl, and take her with them, maybe offer Robson a chance to join them. He could have never imagined he was too late.   
  
Giles had asked the girls to wait in the taxi, and went up to the door. It was slightly ajar, and so he went in. The first thing he saw was Robson's girl, Miranda, dead in a pool of blood, stabbed in the stomach at least once, mostly likely more. He had called out for Robson, hoping that he had escaped the same fate. He finally found him, leaning against an arm chair, holding his stomach, Giles could see the blood. He rang the medics immediately. Robson was still lucid, and responsive.  
  
"Giles, gather them, its begun." Robson quietly told him.  
  
"Now Robson, just hold on, you will be fine, who did this to you?"  
  
Robson didn't speak, but his eyes grew larger in surprise at something approaching Giles from behind. Giles was still quick as ever on his feet, for he averted having his skull nearly split in two. Behind him he found a small creature, human in form, wearing a brown robe. When he grabbed the ax from its hand, the hood fell back, and Giles saw that the creatures eyes had been sealed with runes. He swung the ax and a moment later the creatures head, rolled across the wooden floor. He gathered the body and stuffed it in a closet so the medics wouldn't be shocked, he put the ax there as well.   
  
"Robson, is that what got you?"  
  
"I came home to her, it was training day, Miranda often arrived early so I left the flat open for her. When I arrived the door was ajar. Silly me, I began to rant about closing the door, when I saw her body on the floor. One of them was still standing over her, holding this." Robson handed him a silver knife, a very impressive silver knife. "It came after me, I grabbed the knife out of its hands, but it must have found the weapons chest, it put one clear drive into me with that ax, I thought it had gone when you arrived."  
  
"Bloody hell, you know what that was, don't you?"  
  
"It was a Harbinger. It has begun. The prophecies are coming true." Robson began to cough up blood.  
  
Giles could hear the medics approaching. "I must go now.. You have my number at Buffy's if you need me."  
  
"Gather them, protect them. Rupert, from beneath you it devours." Robson shooed Giles away with his hand, and Giles ran out the door.   
  
When he got into the taxi, the girls would not stop their useless chattering, he finally lost it.  
  
"Goddamn stupid bints! Can't you shut up for 10 minutes??? I am trying to save your lives and you can't shut up for 10 minutes! If you'd rather die, please continue, but if you'd rather not, I suggest you shut the hell up!"  
  
Both of them stared at him, shocked, stunned, surprised. He had never lost his collection so easily. Things were about to get even worse. There was a break-in on the radio.  
  
"This is an emergency message from BBC1, there has been a terrorist attack on the Western Council Savings and Loan Building. It is not apparent at this time who may have carried out the strike. We were notified that the destruction is near complete, and that the building was full of employees at the time. Please stay tuned to this station for any further updates." The radio went back to music.  
  
"Bloody Hell, no."  
  
"Mr. Giles, is something wrong?" Annabelle could see his distress.  
  
"Yes, there is. I believe the Council was just blown up, while in session."  
  
"My god." Both girls said in unison.   
  
The rest of the ride to Heathrow was silent. The girls each boarded the plane, took their seats, and kept themselves busy. Giles just sat there in a daze, drinking little bottles of scotch until he was calm enough to sleep. The images of Miranda, Robson and the Council kept flashing through his head. They had broadcast images of the building over the televisions at the terminal. The Western Council Savings and Loan was a cover for the actual activities which went on in all but the facade of the building. It didn't matter now. It was gone, nothing remained. He had long ago learned to stop relying on their resources, but for once in a long time he was counting on them. Luckily they had given Giles a check for Buffy, her retroactive pay, it was nearly a quarter of a million pounds. Her salary now wouldn't be needed, or available. He just couldn't believe it was gone.   
  
When the plane landed in New York, both Annabelle and Molly continued to behave. At the terminal to head to California, Giles was met by a fellow Watcher, Miss Renate Charles. She had her charge with her, a well trained but arrogant girl named Kennedy. The Council had been working with her since before Buffy was called. She had been in training for years, just waiting her chance, but all that time had made her cocky and painfully obtuse.   
  
"Rupert."  
  
"Renate."  
  
"I heard what happened, once you take Kennedy here, I will be disappearing. If the smoke clears I will contact you. It is just too dangerous now."  
  
"I know, you should try to get a job as a governess of a family of boys, that should provide adequate cover for now."  
  
"Yes, I know, I have already made arrangements to head to Vermont, lovely family."  
  
"Right then, so this is Kennedy." Giles eyed up the girl, who was already giving the other two a look of disdain.  
  
"I know she is a handful, but she very talented, well disciplined, and very well ready for just about anything."  
  
"I hope anything includes the Hell mouth."

* * *

**Sunnydale California, Summers Residence**

Afternoon had dragged on into evening. Wesley still hadn't arrived. Spike was overly engrossed in some book, Dawn was being a slave to the television, and Xander had never showed up to fix the dryer. Buffy had given up and hung the clothes outside just as her mother had in summers previous. The clothes always ended up smelling like the sun, that was the only way to describe that smell, because there really was nothing else that smelled that way. Just after dark there was a knock at the door. Buffy was upstairs folding clothes, Spike or Dawn answered it. Dawn came running up the stairs in a frenzy.  
  
"Buffy, you better get down here fast, you aren't going to believe this."  
  
"What is it? Is everything okay?"  
  
"I think this is something I can't verbally do justice to."  
  
Buffy put down the pair of jeans she had in her hand and cautiously followed Dawn downstairs. What she saw next would change things forever.  
  
In the foyer were Wesley, Lorne, Fred, Gunn and standing outside the door was Angel. Spike was standing at the door, giving Angel the eye.  
  
"Well dear, look who's coming to dinner." Spike said to Buffy, while staring at Angel.  
  
"Angel?" Buffy let his name out like a sigh. She looked away to speak with Wesley, "Wesley, what is this? I was asked to have you come up to see Giles, not the whole happy family."  
  
"We left Cordelia and Connor at home if its any consolation." Fred announced awkwardly.  
  
"Man, I told you this was a bad idea. Wes, we shoulda stayed back, we got plenty of work in LA." Gunn piped in.  
  
Angel still stood outside of the house.   
  
"Angel?" Buffy was just in awe.  
  
"Bugger this." Spike walked back towards the kitchen, Buffy heard the refrigerator open, then a bottle of beer, and finally the back door open.   
  
"Buffy, I need an invitation. I think you may have cleansed the house since the last time I was around."  
  
"Oh, God, yeah, Angel, come in. Sorry, I forgot, Spike can't invite you in, not that he would."  
  
"Buffy, I apologize for bring the whole group up here, but I figured if it was as bad as it sounded, collectively our resources could more efficiently get the job done."  
  
"Yeah, it's okay Wes." Buffy was lost in her own world, having Angel there was like having the air sucked out of her.  
  
"I believe though there are some introductions in order, as well as some explaining to do."  
  
"Yeah, I'll call Xander and Anya and have them come over."  
  
"Get Willow too, she will be of immense help."  
  
"Yeah, she won't be back for a while, had to go to England after trying to destroy the world, I guess she's in Wicca rehab."  
  
Buffy headed to the kitchen to grab the phone. Angel followed her.  
  
"Buffy? How are you?"  
  
"Shocked and amazed, yup, that pretty much sums it up. No, I don't think there are words for what I'm feeling right now"  
  
"I didn't want to surprise you like this. I told Wesley to tell you. But he sounded so concerned, saying Spike was on the phone, and that Giles had told you to stop patrolling, I figured the situation was dire."  
  
"Yeah well, a little notice before the circus rolled into town would have been nice."  
  
"We won't stay here, we'll find someplace to go."  
  
"No, it's fine, there is plenty of room. Without Willow here mom's room is empty, there's the couch, a roll away bed in the basement, we'll work something out. Xander's got room over at his place too."  
  
"Hello Angel. Nice of you to stop by, its always such a pleasure to see you." Spike was back in the kitchen, he had opened the doorway and was standing in it. In one hand a beer, in the other a smoke.   
  
"Like wise for you I'm sure. What's with the make-over? Come to the realization you aren't a natural blond?"  
  
"Nice, cutting back on the Nancy-boy hair gel are we? The brown hair? See funny story there, but maybe it should wait."  
  
"Buffy what is he doing here?" Angel turned to look at her. She had just hung up the phone.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why is Spike raiding your fridge, and smoking on your back porch, why is he here?"  
  
"It's not like I'm invisible" Spike muttered resentfully.  
  
"Um, he lives here?"  
  
"Yeah love, why don't you tell my grand sire why I'm here?"  
  
"Spike, please..." Buffy was pleading with him, if only with her eyes.  
  
"Love? Oh this only gets funnier. Is this a joke? Some sort of sick twist? Cos Buffy I can't imagine why in a thousand years you would let that live in your house." Angel was laughing.  
  
"In her room actually." Dawn announced as she cut through the kitchen for the refrigerator. "He lives in her room."  
  
"Dawn!" Spike and Buffy unanimously yelled at her.  
  
"What? It's true, not like it's a big secret around here."  
  
"Niblet, get your drinks, and go entertain the guests."  
  
"Fine, but I didn't think it was a big secret. Apparently I forget how many of those we keep in this house." With her arms full of cans of soda and a sigh Dawn left.  
  
"Buffy is this true?" Angel looked like he was about to boil over.  
  
Spike went over to touch her, give her the confidence she needed to face this. She only pulled away when he put his hand on her shoulder.  
  
"What the... You know Buffy, I knew this was going to happen. The second he walks back into your life, all of a sudden I'm nothing to you. God! I knew it! You're just like Drusilla." Spike turned to Angel. "What do you do to them? What is your secret, cos I'd bloody well like to know. Is it the hair? The billowy jacket? Your propensity to wallow in self pity and isolation? What is it?"  
  
Buffy got a blank look over her face. "He's here because I want him to be here. Giles sent him back to me, and I wouldn't let him leave."  
  
"Why Buffy? What could he possibly have to offer you that would make it okay to put him in this house, with your little sister around! I mean he could snap any day and eat her for fun, I've seen what he can do to a girl her age."  
  
"I learned from the best dear Angelus, don't go there." Spike was starting to get up in Angel's face.  
  
"He has a soul." Buffy was barely audible, stuck in shock.   
  
"What?" Angel's state of disbelief was growing by the second.  
  
"He has a soul, are you deaf? I thought vampires had super human hearing, apparently it's just the creepy smelling thing." She repeated louder.  
  
"Ooo Well isn't that special, everybody's got a soul now. It's the in thing to do is it? Spike gets a soul and it's time to make with the kissing? So, what, you're just going to wait for the 'true happiness' clause to kick in? Because it will and when it does you're going to be..."  
  
"Who said anything about kissing? There's no clause, no loop hole, no exceptions, his soul can't leave." Buffy interrupted Angel.  
  
Angel mumbled to himself, "I had one first."  
  
A silence fell over the kitchen. Buffy stared at Angel, Spike could tell what was going on. He could feel it, he knew Angel could too.  
  
"I think I'm going to leave you two alone. Buffy if you need me, you'll know where I'll be." Spike turned to leave the kitchen but stopped, "Don't hate her for this, she doesn't deserve it."  
  
He went through the swinging doors. In the living room it was a mass of people. Some time during his time in the kitchen, Xander and Anya had showed up. As Spike walked into the room it fell dead silent. All eyes were looking at him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Where's Angel?" Xander asked.  
  
"The tall, dark, brooding and irate one is in the kitchen with the slayer. I'd think leaving them alone is a good idea right now."  
  
"Well I think proper introductions are needed, seeing as not all of you know each other." Wesley stood up, taking charge. "I take it you are the infamous William the Bloody, Spike, one member of the quad who cut a swath of suffering and death across Europe."  
  
"When you put it that way, you make it sound so lovely. I take it you're the watcher."  
  
"I was a watcher, but that is long in the past. Like Giles, I am sort of a free lancer now. It's quite nice, but the benefits are awful."  
  
"Terrific. So why am I missing Giles' coolness factor right now?" Spike just rolled his eyes.  
  
"I can't wait to hear about the chipping and all of those things I missed once I left here."  
  
"Oh bloody hell." Spike dropped into an arm chair.  
  
"Okay, hi. I'm Anya Christina Emannuela Jenkins, I'm originally from Indiana, small farm town, not small in an inbred way, my parents were in no way related. It was very pleasurable to be a child there with all the cows and the corn fields..."  
  
"Anya cut the crap, they won't care." Xander just glared at her.  
  
"Fine. I'm Anya, formerly known as Anyanka, former demon, former human who is once again a vengeance demon. If you get dumped, and you're a girl, I'm at your service. I am considering branching out to scorned men. I also like money and capitalism and sex. My turn ons include..."  
  
"Okay then, An, why don't we stop right there?"  
  
"Xander Harris you just stop right there, you are no longer my future husband, actually you are nowhere in my future so stop telling me what to do."  
  
"Xander, you were engaged? Congratulations!" Wes broke in.  
  
"Oh its over watcher man, he dumped me at the altar because he is a coward."  
  
"Oh, sorry, and it's Wesley."  
  
"Okay! I'm Xander, I'm the guy who left Anya at the altar offering her the opportunity to return to the vengeance fold. Please, ladies, stop with the applause." Xander's sarcasm was cutting.  
  
"I'm Dawn, Buffy's little sister."  
  
"Lovely Dawn. I am Wesley Wyndham Price, former watcher, former rouge demon hunter, I now work for Angel Investigations, and I find it quite fulfilling."  
  
"Bloody Hell, I feel like I'm at the AA meeting from hell." Spike growled.  
  
Gunn stood up. "Well I really don't know the Sunnydale crew, I'm Gunn, I work with Angel, and have for a while."  
  
"I'm Fred, Winifred, but everyone calls me Fred. Angel, Gunn, and Lorne saved me from Pylea and my life as a fugitive cow." Fred didn't know what to say.  
  
"I am Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clam, perferrably known as Lorne. I used to own a club in LA, I love karaoke, and if it wasn't painfully obvious from my dashing shade of green, I'm a demon. Mind you I'm an empath demon."  
  
"Krevlornswath? Oh my god! It's been too long! I thought I recognized you!" Anya changed into demon face.  
  
"I thought that name sounded familiar! How are you cinnamon buns?" Lorne and Anya embraced.  
  
"How do you two know each other?" Xander asked.  
  
"I doubt you'd want to know, she probably had sex with him during some sort of looting party." Spike muttered.  
  
"Anyanka worked at one of my first clubs! Have you heard her sing? Oh such fun! Of course I had to fire her when I learned what she was doing with some of the female customers, you know bringing down her wrath and what not, but my did we have some fun times!" Lorne jumped in.  
  
"We didn't sleep together if that's what you mean Xander."  
  
"Not like I wasn't tempted after that version of 'Fever' you did!"  
  
"Oh stop, you'll make me blush. Oh wait, don't stop I love hearing how great I am!"  
  
"Why me?" Spike mumbled.  
  
"What about you man, who are you?" Gunn nodded at Spike.  
  
"William the Bloody, better known as Spike. I worked with Angelus before any of you, well with the exception of the demons, were even thought in the world. Spent a good hundred years killing, killed 2 slayers even, headed here to finish off the set. Then I got captured by the government and they put this chip in my head, gives me migraines when I try to hurt people, but not demons and vamps. If you didn't figure it out, I'm a vampire. Thanks to the chip I was forced to work with these freaks, and eventually I came to almost enjoy it. Over summer holiday, I got back my soul. Now I'm back here with the likes of you." Spike shifted in his seat.  
  
"You forgot about the sex."  
  
"Anya, shut up."  
  
"Fine, god. You are all so uptight. I forgot that about humans. He had sex with..."  
  
"ANYA, SHUT UP." Spike was giving her the serious face.  
  
"I'm a bit confused, you said got back your soul?" Wesley walked closer to him. "Did Willow do it?"  
  
"That's the funny thing, it's not a gypsy curse. I went and got it back from a demon, there's one that can do that. Giles can tell you about it, he knows. Red? Well I don't think they'd trust her with that right now, she's too busy learning the root of her power and all that rot."  
  
"Remarkable"  
  
"I heard about that guy, hides out in a cave in Africa or something. I always thought that was just a myth, you know some vampire story to tell around the campfire to put the fear back in the young ones." Lorne added, "I can't believe he's real"  
  
"You saw Willow?" Xander asked.  
  
"Yeah, she's marvy. Bit broke up about missing the lot of you, but other than that doing quite well."  
  
"Did she mention how she will cover the damages to the Magic Box? I expect full compensation, as the insurance didn't cover act of Wicca."  
  
"Sorry pet, she didn't mention that, but I'm sure she'll be happy to work it out when she gets back."  
  
The conversation continued into the night. Angel and Buffy could occasionally be heard yelling at each other from the kitchen, but otherwise things went pretty well. Eventually people started to turn in for the night. Dawn offered to share Joyce's bed with Fred, and relegated hers to Lorne. Gunn took the basement, Wesley took the couch. Xander and Anya headed back to their respective apartments. Spike didn't know what to do with himself. Should he go up to that bed which beckoned him? Or should he grab a space on the floor? He headed to the kitchen to find out.  
  
Buffy was a wreck. She had taken 2 days of nothing but surprises and arguments pretty well, but it was starting to show. Angel leaned against the wall and looked out the back door, she sat on the counter with her head in her hands.  
  
"Buffy?" Spike broke the silence.   
  
She looked up, "Yeah Spike, what is it?"  
  
"Don't mean to be a pain in the arse, but it's pretty late and the troops have gone to bed."  
  
"Yeah, I know, I should probably head up." She hoisted herself off the counter.  
  
"I was curious as to where I am supposed to sleep, assuming prior arrangements are off."  
  
"I'll grab some pillows and blankets and stuff for the two of you. I need to be alone tonight, gotta think about things."  
  
"I could head out to the crypt, I should just go, I'm sure Clem hasn't destroyed it too much."  
  
"No, its okay, stay."  
  
"Buffy" Angel moved from his place on the wall, "I can head back to the mansion, I'm sure its right where I left it."  
  
"Don't bother, there's plenty of room, besides, how would either of you get here tomorrow for the big family meeting?"  
  
They both nodded, knowing she was right.  
  
Buffy left to grab somethings for them. The room was again full of uncomfortable silence, neither of them knowing what to say. It had been so long since they were stuck together, and even so all they had ever really done was argue. They had never really been freinds, even in the loosest sense. More like partners in crime. Now they shared more than they ever could have expected to, both the soul, and the love of Buffy.


	11. A Sense of Direction

it may not always be so;and i say  
that if your lips,which i have loved,should touch  
another's,and your dear strong fingers clutch  
his heart,as mine in time not far away;  
if on another's face your sweet hair lay  
in such a silence as i know,or such  
great writhing words as,uttering overmuch,  
stand helplessly before the spirit at bay;  
  
if this should be,i say if this should be-  
you of my heart,send me a little word;  
that i may go unto him,and take his hands,  
saying,Accept all happiness from me.  
Then shall i turn my face,and hear one bird  
sing terribly afar in the lost lands.  
-ee cummings, "it may not always be so" from XI  


**Sunnydale California, Summers' House**

It was cold on the back porch. As summer faded to fall, even a place like Sunnydale got colder. Spike took a long drag on his cigarette, and stared at the stars. Dru had loved the stars. She could read them, knew what they were saying; he wished he could read them now. His Guiness was almost gone, but the last thing he wanted to do right now was go back into that house. He knew this was going to happen, eventually. Spike never could have imagined less than a week after returning that his whole world would get flipped once again.  
  
"So I guess I should be welcoming you to some sort of secret club." It was Angel, behind him, coming outside.  
  
"Yeah, well you were never one for welcoming me with open arms, so lets not start now."  
  
"You know Darla tried to stake me right? I mean after I got the soul."  
  
"Nope, she never really mentioned you after you were gone, unless you count crying all sodding day."  
  
"Yeah, well she did. I almost let her, not at the time, but I considered returning and letting her do me in. It was awful."  
  
"Yeah, well can't say my experience has been a picnic. What are you doing out here? Trying to bond with me or something? You should know, I'm not interested, never have been, never will."  
  
"Ooo Aren't we tough? You know I don't buy it for a second Spike, I know you, have for longer than just about anyone on earth. I know your insides are clawing away at you. Pain is all you know, your brain throbs with it. Night is the worst because all those late night feedings come back to haunt you. It doesn't even need to be things you did, it could be things you let happen. But now, you can't do anything about it, nothing will make up for it, and you can't change the past. So now you exist, in between, half living, half dead, a veritable halfling, just trying to get to tomorrow. The one thing driving that move, is her, she keeps you going forward instead of looking back wards."  
  
"So?"  
  
"When you're with her the headaches stop, the nightmares stop, everything is fine right?"  
  
"Yeah?" Spike turned to look at Angel with a definite tone of surprise in his voice.  
  
"I went through nearly 100 years of what you are going through right now, the guilt, the pain, the terror, and then I met her, you know Buffy. Suddenly it all stopped. I couldn't explain it, I still can't, I don't know why it happened, but it did." Angel sat down on the back porch next to Spike. "I remember the day I first saw her. She was fresh, young, full of sunshine. That girl is gone now. But I guess, I mean how fresh can she be expected to be after dying twice?"  
  
"Good point. So does it get any easier after her?"  
  
"No, but you learn to control it. See, its about the past, we are so fixated on what could have been, how things could have been different, how we screwed things up, that we fail to see the future. When you dwell in the past it drowns you with guilt. Are you sorry for what you did?"  
  
"In a way yes, but in a way no. I mean I was a vampire for Christ's sake! I mean that was my place in the world, and my duty was to do evil and eat people. No, its not right, but it was my place, just as now it is my place not to do those things, hasn't been my place for years, so its not such a dramatic change for me."  
  
"I guess not. It changed everything for me, but then again I was being punished, you chose this path. Bit masochistic aren't you?"  
  
"Shut up, poof."  
  
A silence fell between them. A certain understanding of who they were in relation to each other. Now, not just grandsire and childe, but comrades in struggle, soul brothers as it were.  
  
"You love her right?" Angel broke the silence.  
  
Spike lit another cigarette, "I fancy I do."  
  
"You know you can never give her a normal life, a life that she can grow old in."  
  
"She's not meant to have a normal life now is she? How many housewives have come back from the dead twice? How many of them fight the forces of evil every day? How many have averted apocalypse after apocalypse? None. You didn't see the miserable failings of her attempt at a normal relationship. Its just not in the cards for her I'd bet."  
  
"How could you do this to her though? I mean, she deserves to walk in the sun."  
  
"How can she walk in the sun when she's too busy sleeping off a night of patrolling? Or a double shift at the Double Meat hell hole? For fucks sake, she's the slayer!"  
  
Angel laughed, "You really don't get it do you Spike? She's not one of us."  
  
"And mate, you don't get it, she's not and will never be one of them. She walks in the shadows, in the inbetween, she is like you and I, what did you call it, a halfling? She gets to live in this world, but not really be apart of it. Captain Cardboard didn't get it either. He thought one day she'd be able to hang up her stakes and pop out a few ankle biters. Its never going to happen. Eventually she will lose, she will die, again, and the witch won't be able to bring her back. I get that. I was here last time, when she was gone, I know it will happen again, but its not going to happen on my watch and thats for damn sure."  
  
"Your watch? My, Spike, so protective, you'd think she was Drusilla."  
  
"You leave her out of this. Did you know I offered to kill her to prove to Buffy how much I loved her? Did you know I tried everything I could to get her to love me back, and the whole time I was trying to figure out why you had gotten that? Then it dawned on me, you had a soul. To her no matter how I proved my valor or my complete devotion, it was never going to be that spark. When she came back she was shut down, shut out, and everyone expected her to be right as rain. She wasn't, I saw it, the pain, the confusion, the desperation..."  
  
"Yeah and you moved right in for the kill didn't you?"  
  
"No, she came to me in confidence, so it lead to something more, physical, who cares? That wasn't what I was in it for, I was trying to do my part to bring her back. I won't deny that she's one hell of a shag, wow. But Angel, what did you do? Save damsels in distress in Los Angeles? Gee, sorry that doesn't seem as important as the love of your bloody unlife. You weren't here, I was, simple as that."  
  
"You think it didn't kill me to leave?"  
  
"It must not have, because you not only left, you never came back. If you really loved her you would have stayed, no matter how hard it was. There had to be some way to get that loop hole out of your souling, I mean bloody hell, Red is one hell of a Wicca, she could figure it out. But no, you left, and you never looked back."  
  
"I did look back. If you knew what I went through you'd shut up."  
  
"Awww poor Angel, so tormented. Brood, brood, brood. You know I don't pity you for one second, you or your sodding soul. You were punished, and thats that. It wasn't supposed to be a party for you."  
  
"I gave it up."  
  
"Gave what up? Your blood lust? Yeah I know, I was there remember?"  
  
"No, I was human, for a day. I gave it up, for her."  
  
"Don't be so gallant. If you really had loved her, you would have stayed human, aged and died like the rest of them, just to be with her, God knows I would."  
  
"I would have gotten her killed, I was useless."  
  
"She keeps that wanker, Xander around and he hasn't gotten her killed, and he's completely useless. Unless useful is destroying a perfectly good woman and driving her back into the vengeance business, in which case, yes, he's been useful. Plus remember, she's destined to die anyways."  
  
"I couldn't do that to her."  
  
"Why because you wouldn't be Angel the savior of the people? Fuck the people, she's the only one that matters. You really don't get it. You never got it. Its why Dru an me never made sense to you. I only did it for her. I want the moon on a stick."  
  
"You really did spend too much time with Drusilla, you know that?"  
  
"You don't know me, and you never have. I seek the unattainable, the holy grail, the gem of Amarra, the thing that is just out of reach, over the horizon. Sometimes I get it, but most of the time, I get nothing but longing. I need it, I have to have it to drive me, without the dream I don't know how to go forward. I want the moon on a stick, as long as I can see the moon, I can believe it is possible for me to wrangle it in. She is my moon, she pushes me forward, she wills me to do. Without the dream, the wish, the thought, I am nothing. I have nothing, except myself, which isn't enough."  
  
Angel was speechless, he could not form words in his mouth. Over 100 years he had known Spike, and he has always though of him as this loose cannon, this random chaos generator with few if any singular motivations. Now it was different. Angel felt small, for he could see that what Spike felt for Buffy was more than obsession, it really was love. Not the twisted version of love he had first thought Spike felt, but an actual need for her, an actual sense of direction from her.

* * *

Wesley woke up early and headed out for donuts and coffee. He recalled the many mornings spent in the high school library watching Buffy and her friends fight over the jelly filled ones with Giles looking on, hoping one would be left. Things seemed to be so much more complicated now. So much had happened since he left this small town, so many bonds had been broken, so much shattered. It seemed that things changed more radically here in Sunnydale, than they ever did in LA.   
  
Wesley called the airport to find out when flights came in. Of course he could never be sure which one would bring Giles to this place, he just wanted a sense of direction, an idea.   
  
The Summer's home was mostly awake when he returned. Angel and Spike still slept, but this wasn't a surprise as they were vampires after all. He wondered what was with this whole Spike having a soul thing. He would have to ask Giles about it, for it was just too far fetched for Wesley to wrap his thoughts around.  
  
Anya and Xander showed up early as well. Anya was constantly complaining that this was interfering with her work load, and that D'Hoffryn would not be pleased by this. Xander just looked at her, Wesley could see that his love for her was not gone, it was still there, bubbling beneath the surface, simmering away.  
  
Buffy looked lost. The girl that was when he left had long since checked out. It wasn't that she seemed vacant, it was more weathered. worn down, eroded by time. This wasn't a surprise considering her recent resurrection, only a year before. Still, she seemed ready to walk away, to pass the crown to the next Miss Slayer and retire. This wasn't a possibility, he knew that, Faith was in prison, and even if released there was no guarantee that she wouldn't go psycho again. This time, with the only option being killing her, so a new slayer could be called forth.  
  
Around 11 O'clock Giles called to say he would be there in a half an hour. He didn't want anyone to pick him up, he would take a cab. He was surprised when Wesley told him about bringing the AI group with him, but he didn't seem angry, instead claiming that this would be best for all the parties involved. Giles sounded tired, with a hint of worry. Wesley didn't know what to make of it, but told Giles he would see him soon enough to work through what was going to happen and how they could all be beneficial to the events.

* * *

Buffy found Spike asleep in the attic. No one ever really went up there, many of her mother's things had been packed away up there, and it was with a wave of unease that she headed up there to look for him. She had found him up here once before, after Joyce died, he was looking through her things. Buffy had become outraged and threw him, literally, out of the house. When she couldn't find him in the rest of the house, she figured this was the only other place he could be, he seemed to know her house better than her.   
  
He had dragged out her grandfathers military issue cot, which had been stored up here among photo albums and lost memories of generations of her family. It never ceased to amaze her at how dead vampires actually looked when asleep. She knew that they were actually dead, but it was still creepy as hell to witness, it gave her the wiggins.   
  
She wanted to sit there and just stare at him, in all his nonmoving glory. She had become troubled, confused, her feelings jumbled by Angel's presence. It was different when he was in LA, so far away that some days she didn't think of him at all. To see the two of them arguing, okay not arguing, discussing the status of themselves in front of her was a new sensation that she didn't want to remain. Angel had been her first love, her first real experience with love, and of course it ended up terribly, as all relationships inevitably do. If someone could show Buffy a functioning relationship she'd be happy to believe they existed, but as it stood, she believed more in leprechauns, wait, Santa Claus than that.  
  
She loved Angel, god, did she love him. He took the breath from her, he made the world so much less complicated. Everything was easier with him around, but he hadn't been around through the worst of it. In fact he was no where to be seen. She had met with him once, but ended up feeling worse for it. It wasn't fair, couldn't those gypsies had come up with a better loop hole? Maybe one regarding Barry Manilow, cos his obsession with those sappy crappy songs was really bizarre. She was still madly, head over heels in love with him, he hurt her time and time again, but it still couldn't stop her from being absolutely crazy for him. She had known things with Riley would never really work, because she never felt that way about him, not even for a second.  
  
Spike on the other hand, made something in her boil. He could make her so angry she could rip his head off. As a pair they had done some incredibly degrading things, but somehow Buffy had still liked them. Spike was the kind of man who could toss you around, match you move for move, both in bed and out. Maybe that was what she had wanted about him. He was no Angel, not by the farthest stretch of the imagination. He was at first a way for her to feel something, even if it was disgust with herself and pain, but she knew she had made him treat her that way. He didn't want to make her feel that way, but she had wanted him to, and so he did. But it had grown into something else. He had continued to fight on their side, he had kept his promise regarding Dawn, he had been babysitting her the night she was brought back. He had not been in on that raiding party, for if he had, none of this would have ever happened. But now somehow she felt for him, she understood this unspoken thing between them. It was heat, maybe he had been right, great love is wild, passionate, dangerous and it burns and consumes, not until there is nothing left, but until time runs out. Maybe that was it.   
  
"Well pet, if you stare long enough maybe it'll all just disappear." Spike startled her. She didn't realize how long she had been standing there, staring, lost in her own thoughts.  
  
"I was, was just coming up here to look for you, cos Giles is gonna be here soon, and I figured you'd want in on the deal with the latest big bad of Sunnydale."  
  
"Well looking for and staring at are fundamentally different things, thought you'd know that by now, Pet." Spike sat up, the blanket wrapped around him, naked legs swinging down. He scratched his chest, and looked down for his clothes.  
  
"Spike..." He stopped and looked up at her.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I do care about you, you know that right?"  
  
"Yeah, I reckon I do."  
  
She walked towards him. "You know that I love Angel."  
  
Spike shifted, uncomfortable, "If you think I'm so daft as to..."  
  
"Shhh..." She squatted in front of him, placing her hand on his face, "You never let me finish. I do love Angel, but that doesn't mean I can't love you. I mean you went through all this stuff for me, and I am grateful, I really am."  
  
"Grateful, of course, she's grateful. I fight Macho Man Fire Hands, and she's grateful, bloody hell." Spike's defenses hadn't come down from the night before. "Pet, grateful isn't love. Grateful is gee, thanks, you're real swell, not I love you."  
  
"Fine, is this the way you want it to be? Is it easier for you if I don't love you? Is that it, because I remember a certain vampire giving me a speech about how I wasn't in love with the darkness, no I loved the misery, I couldn't stand to be happy, I had to suffer. Now it sounds like he is just a little bit in love with the torture, the suffering, the misery. So fine Spike, have it your way, I don't love you, I barely can stand to have you in the same room with me." Buffy stood up and turned to leave. Spike grabbed her arm and jerked her around to face him again.  
  
"Stop the dramatic bullshit Buffy. I watch daytime TV, I see enough of it there, what are you the walking Young and the Restless?" She had put on the pouty face, she knew Spike couldn't resist it. "Don't do that, it isn't going to work anymore pet, you can't just say things and expect everything to work out fine. That's not how it works anymore. This, this, crap, may have worked with Angel but it will never work with me. You understand?" To emphasize his point he shook her.  
  
She understood, she knew what was happening here, she could feel it rise in her, she could feel it working its way through her system, the electricity between them was suffocating. Buffy twisted her arms out of his grasp and pushed him down on the cot. His face filled with a look of shock as she straddled him.   
  
"I understand, I know." She growled in his ear as she grabbed the back of his head. "Real love is passionate, wild and dangerous, it burns and consumes. You are consuming me."   
  
She could feel his body tense beneath her, his hands slid up her back to her hair. He had always loved her hair, she had wondered if it was some sick remnant from his thing with Harmony, but Harmony always had really bad hair, so deep down she knew that wasn't true.  
  
"You are so bad for me you know that girl?" He moved his hands under her blouse to touch the soft skin on her back. It made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. "Never did I ever think that this would happen."  
  
She leaned back and pulled her blouse off. He turned her over and laid her down on the cot. Her skirt had hiked itself up when she mounted him, he ran his hands up her thighs and pulled off the thong she was wearing, he could feel the heat radiating from her. She unzipped the side of her skirt and pushed it down and pulled him on top of her. Then she looked him dead in the eye. "I love you." He only smiled at her.   
  
In that moment he didn't care if she actually meant it, he began kissing her with the ferocity he had always wanted to unleash on her, he ran his hands behind her and unsnapped the bra she was wearing. He cupped one of her small breasts in his hand, lightly fingering the nipple, to him they were the most perfect breasts in the whole world, but to him everything about her was perfect. She ran a single hand down his stomach with the slightest feather touch, as her hand grasped him he let out a slight moan, and pushed his face into her neck. He could smell it right below the surface, her blood, he could feel her heart beat beneath his lips and it was almost too much, his mouth where Angel's once was, her marked forever by him, by Dracula, but never by him. She moved her hand up and down him, and the other dragged at the back of his neck. He knew she was more than ready for him to enter her, she always was, but he moved his hands down her body, kissing and licking his way to her stomach. He had craved her while he was gone, her smell, her taste was always just beyond him and he hungered for it even more once the soul had returned, it wanted her. He moved his hand against her the way that had always made her eyes pop, she was slick and he wanted to jump to action so badly, but he knew that this was the time for restraint, this wasn't like before, hard and fast and crazy. The soft brown curls told him she wasn't a natural blonde, but he had known that, and well, he wasn't exactly one himself.  
  
She put a hand on his head and twisted the curls around her fingers, her back arched slightly when he rubbed his hand against her, that had always put her under his spell, his rapture, his thrall. Her legs slid over his shoulders and ran the length of his pale white back as he put his hands beneath her and slightly lifted her to his mouth. She wondered if he had been born this gifted or if Drusilla, crazy Drusilla, had taught him all of this; if so, she desperately needed to thank her. In the past this ritual had been hurried, but now he was going at a painfully slow pace, languidly savoring her, bringing her to the brink of ecstasy and pulling her back again. Varying between his mouth and his fingers, she had never known how this could be until she was with him. He knew what he was doing her, savoring her, slowing her down. Even as she began to slightly buck into him, him feeling her oncoming orgasm he would stop, making her body beg him to continue. He didn't, instead he kissed her inner thigh and began to move back up to her.  
  
When he kissed her, she could taste herself commingled with the slight taste of cigarettes and alcohol. With one deft move he lifted her and entered her, causing her to gasp, her eyes to widen. He was on his knees, and he pulled her up to straddle him, her wrapping her legs around him, and slowly grinding against him. They were kissing again, slowly, playfully, occasionally having to stop so she could catch her breath or for one of them to let forth a groan or a moan. He couldn't hold her close enough, he wanted nothing more than for her to melt into him, for him to truly consume her into his being. She had begun to push against him more quickly, and he could feel his release building in him, it was almost as if for a second his heart could beat and pump his blood once again. She pulled him into her and put her head over his shoulder, breathing hard flushing his back with hot air.   
  
She started to to make the low guttural noises, primal sounding at best, which meant she was almost there. He was thankful that she made them, because they overrode the growl he often couldn't contain as he came. "Oh god, Spike, oh my god," She started to convulse against him, her pleasure waving over her like the high tide, "Bite me, please bite me." He could hardly believe the words that escaped her mouth, they seemed as alien as I love you, but somehow were less surprising. He had often hidden his face when he came, for most of the time he couldn't control it, he went into game face without realizing it. This was never a problem with Dru or Harmony, but he felt it was somehow unfair to Buffy to show her that side of him in such an intimate moment. "Do it! Please.." she was out of her mind, there was no other explanation, but his mouth so close to her neck and her smell, and the incredible pace of her heart, along with her begging drove him to it. As he sunk his teeth into her he felt his orgasm shoot through him into her, but what he was unprepared for was her bucking into him so hard he almost lost his bite.   
  
Her blood was hot and sweet, it reminded him of the Chinese slayer's. The same blood that had been licked from his mouth by Drusilla as they had made love on the temple floor further desecrating the place. He could feel when he had drained just enough from Buffy to leave her high. Humans got off on it if you only took a bit.  
  
"Oh my god, he's eating her!" Anya's shrill voice broke the moment. Anya ran back down the stairs in a fury.  
  
Spike immediately pulled away, as Buffy fell against him, panting, soaked with sweat, him still inside her. Blood trickling down from her neck to create a river between her breasts. It took all his strength not to lick it clean. He started to move back wards, to gather her things to get her dressed, to get her proper. He regretted doing it, biting her, he should have known better.  
  
Drowsily Buffy spoke, "No, don't move, stay, stay here, don't go, don't move, stay please, just stay inside me just for now please."  
  
"Love, I think we are about to have company of the sharp and dust creating kind." Spike pulled the blanket up above them, having shaken off his face, and wiping the blood from the corners of his mouth. It had been so long since he had even touched a human, let alone had one's blood surging through him. It was strange though, with the soul, it made the spark inside almost feel as if it could burn him from the inside out. Buffy had started pulse in and out of consciousness. If there was ever a bad time for her to do this, it was right now, no one would believe him if he told them, 'but she asked me to bite her'.  
  
Spike got off the cot, and put on his pants, he started to gather Buffy's things, to put her back together. Behind him he heard clapping.  
  
"Oh, Bravo! Bravo! Miss Edith will be so pleased. Another slayer for my Spike? Miss Edith's tea shall run with blood tonight." Before him stood Drusilla, in a black empire waisted dress with lacy sleeves and velvet ribbon around. Drusilla was giddy.  
  
"Bloody Hell."  
  
"But wait, I can still see her breathing, don't disappoint, you don't want to make the faeries angry, finish your job. The pixies and the faeries fight over who's always right, when neither shall ever win. I smell a soul, and a liar." Drusilla's tone had changed from mercurial to one of despotic anger. "I thought poor Willie when they put it in your head, plastic and wires and witchcraft, I saw her dancing all over you, drowning you, and now all I see is you, alone, forever."  
  
Spike moved forward to grab Drusilla, maybe throw her out the window into the morning sun, end this once and for all. When he reached out though, his hand went straight through her.  
  
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Naughty little Willie. The bravest knight in all the land? Never you, Never you. It isn't your time yet, but when it is, remember from beneath you it devours." She turned from him, and dissipated finally exiting in a burst of light.  
  
"Spike? What's going on?" Buffy was awake again.  
  
"Nothing love, we need to get you dressed, they'll be up here any second, come on, up with you." Spike helped her get dressed, she was woozy, but she was there. "Do you remember what happened?"  
  
"I do. We had sex, and I asked you to bite me, and you did and it was good. That's about the ability my brain has to 'splain things right now. Sex good, bite good, tired but happy. Tree pretty, fire bad." She was hanging on him, and pushing her head against his chest for stability. She was still a bit out of it.  
  
"What in the hell is going on here?"  
  
"Great, its Captain Hair Gel and the Magnificent Poofettes here to save the day." As Spike turned around he saw Xander, Angel, Anya, Gunn, Fred, Wesley and pretty much any other able body in the house standing opposite of them, armed to the gills with weaponry to essentially introduce him to his real afterlife, or would that be afterdeath?  
  
Buffy stumbled forward. "Stop! Stop! No, no, no, you have to go back downstairs. You don't understand. Woo!" Buffy squealed as she almost fell, Spike catching her. "Okay, now seriously, go down the stairs, and put all those things away, and it will all be good."  
  
"What did you do to her you miserable bastard?" Angel was getting pissed now.  
  
"Ooo! Isn't Angel big and strong and scary? I'm so scared now, aren't you Spike? Wow, all we'd need is Darla and it'd be like a reunion."  
  
"What?" Spike and Angel stared at her and spoke in unison.  
  
"Oh, stop it! Spike you saw Drusilla, she was up here in the attic, oh my god do you think she was watching us, cos eeww." Buffy was looking at Spike with a big sloppy grin.  
  
"Drusilla was here? Did you stake her?"  
  
"Um, well, I thought it was just one of the lovely parting gifts I got with the soul. It wasn't the first time she had come to me, I didn't realize she could see her too."  
  
"From beneath you it devours, from beneath you it devours, is that all anybody says anymore? I mean, damn its like in my dreams, and now its in Spike's head, from beneath you it devours! Whoo hoo! Couldn't there be something else, like it takes you to the mall and buys you shoes?"  
  
"Seriously man, what did you do to her, she's acting..." Gunn started in.  
  
"All fucked up?" Anya finished for him. "She is, its the biting thing. Makes you all, lalalala, like drunk, but instead of you drinking you get drinked. Lots of humans get off on it, a few demons as well. Actually Riley..."  
  
"Riley! Oh my god is he here too?" Buffy was looking around.  
  
"Shhh. No love, the big boy scout is no where to be seen. I think you need to lay down for a bit."  
  
"No laying," She busted out laughing, "All done with that, hungry." Buffy winked at him.  
  
"Well then I guess we should get you some food." Spike picked her up. "Excuse me, but I think she wants something to eat, and I think Giles just walked through the front door."  
  
"How does he know things like that, its just weird." Fred whispered to Gunn.  
  
"I can smell him, come on don't act like tall dark and brooding over there doesn't use his nose to find people. He does."   
  
"Hold on a second Spike, we still haven't discussed the whole biting Buffy thing."  
  
"Oh Angel, duh, I asked him to. I mean you did it too, so what's the deal? It was good. Wee! Lets go!" Buffy kicked out her legs.  
  
"You heard her, lets go." Spike smirked at Angel and headed down the stairs.  
  
"You heard her, lets go," Angel mocked Spike to himself, "I've got a soul now too, she loves me, blah blah blah. God, I can't believe it's possible, but I think I like him even less with the soul." Wesley nodded and patted him on the back.  
  
"It's okay Angel, she'll get over it." He smiled and they all headed downstairs. 


	12. Identity

I cannot name this, I cannot explain this,  
And I really don't want to, just call me shameless.  
I can't even slow this down, let alone stop this.  
And I keep looking around, but I cannot top this.  
  
If I had any sense, I guess I'd fear this,  
I guess I'd keep is down, so no one could hear this.  
I guess I'd shut my mouth, and rethink a minute  
But I can't shut it now, 'cos there's something in it.  
  
We're in a room without a door, and I am sure without a doubt,  
They're gonna wanna know how we got in here,   
And there're gonna wanna know how we planned to get out.  
We better have a good explanation, for all the fun we had.  
'Cos they are coming for us, and they are going to be mad.

This is my skeleton, this is the skin it's in. That is, according to light and gravity.  
I'll take off my disguise, the mask you met me in,  
'Cos I've got something for you to see.  
Just gimme your skeleton, gimme the skin it's in. This is you, according to me.  
I never avert my eyes, I never compromise, so never mind the poetry.  
  
Just please don't name this, please don't explain this.  
Just blame it all on me, say I was shameless.  
Say I couldn't slow it down, let alone stop it,  
And say you just stuck around, 'cos you couldn't top it.  
-Shameless written by Ani DiFranco on the Dilate album.

**Sunnydale, California**

The group came down the stairs to find Giles standing in the foyer with three girls around Dawn's age. Buffy and Spike had stopped off in the bathroom to bandage up her neck so as to not overly shock Giles. 

"Hey G-man." Xander joked.

"I'm really not in the mood for this Xander." Giles said, they could all hear that his tone was far from mercurial.

"Sheesh, nice to see you too, tough crowd." Xander muttered as he headed for the couch.

"Hello Rupert, it's good to see you." Wesley extended his hand to Giles and they shook.

"I'm glad you got my message and could get up here so quickly." Giles noted the new faces, " Where's Cordelia?"

"She's at home with Connor."

"Who's Connor?" 

"Hello Giles," Angel also shook Giles hand, "We'll tell you about Connor later."

"Sounds good. Angel, it's been a long time." Giles turned to the group already settling in the living room. "So where's Buffy and Spike?"

"Upstairs, I assume they are either bandaging up her gaping neck wound or Spike is enjoying his own personal all you can eat buffet." Anya said, with a smile on her face, eagerly looking aorund to see if anyone got it, " Did you get the joke? A Buffy Buffet?" 

Xander groaned, "They'll be right down."

Giles heard the stairs creak and turned to see Spike helping Buffy down the stairs. She looked a bit pale, yet giddy and almost seemed inebriated. He noted the gauze and tape on her neck. He turned to Xander, "Was she out patrolling?"

"No, that's more of a recreational wound." He answered.

Anya leaned in, "It's a kinky sex thing Rupert, get with it."

"Thank you Anya, for once again letting me in on far more than I ever wanted to know."

"GILES!" Buffy screamed and attempted to rush up to him, "Oops, bad idea." She said as she lost her balance, "Head kinda floaty right now."

Spike grabbed her and lead her over to the chair. "Have a seat love, I'll get you a cuppa and a snack. Rupert you want one too?"

"A cup of tea or a chunk of flesh ripped out of my neck?"

"Tea. Sorry mate, just don't think of you that way." Spike smiled at him.

"Since when do we joke about eating people in this house?" Dawn laughed.

"Bit, maybe Rupert's Angels," Spike nodded at the young girls, "Would like something to eat. God only knows what he's been feeding them."

"Oh, yes, the girls," Rupert snapped out of his thoughts, "This is Kennedy, Annabelle and Molly. They'll be spending some time with us."

"Mr. Giles?" Annabelle asked, "Which one's the slayer?"

"That'd be me!" A very drunk sounding Buffy slurred as she raised her hand. "I'm Buffy the vampire slayer, twice dead, twice replaced, still kickin' demon ass after all these years."

"When she isn't bangin' it." Xander muttered under his breath.

"Like you should talk mister." Anya nudged him.

"Hi, I'm Dawn, the slayer's sister. Come on, I'll get you guys some food. How do you feel about peanut butter banana quesadillas?" Dawn started to lead them away. 

"Dawn, could you..." Spike asked.

"Put on some water for tea? No prob." She smiled at Spike. Dawn and the girls disappeared into the kitchen. Spike settled on the arm of Buffy's chair, and she leanded over to rest her head on him.

"I'd ask what happened, but I really would like to avoid the visual image, so we'll just skip over that until later." Giles looked at Buffy and Spike like a disappointed parent.

"How's England?" Wesley asked trying to steer the conversation to neutral ground.

"Splendidly dreary with a touch of dismal, I'm happy to report."

"How's Willow?" Xander asked.

"Better, she's improving daily. She'll probably be here in less than a week, I told the coven she would be needed as soon as possible."

"You have filled me with much curiosity and this small talk bores me. Why are you back Giles? There is no money coming in, and the shop is closed; so I know it is not to fill your capitalistic drive for success." Anya asked, "And what's with the fillies? Is there something pedophilic going on, because I have a friend who..."

"God No Anya! A World of No!" Giles snapped, "They are potential slayers, I can't even believe you some times!"

"I'm only demon." Anya shrugged.

"Hate to be Mr. Obvious, but why are you dragging them around? Didn't the Council sorta give you the boot, sort of a no new slayer policy for Giles?" Xander asked.

Giles looked down at the floor, "There is no more Council."

Wesley stood up, "What?"

"It was blown up earlier today."

"Council go boom!" Buffy laughed.

"How?" Welsey asked with concern.

"The police said it was terrorism, but they were also under the impression it was a bank."

"Was anyone..." Wesley started.

"They were in session, all dead, no survivors."

Wesley shook his head in disbelief and slowly sat back down.

"It's worse than that." Giles said.

"Well, not a lot of Council mourning gonna happen here Giles, we weren't their biggest fans." Xander said.

"Wesley, your father was a watcher wasn't he?"

"Yes, mum too, they've both retired to Bath."

"Can you try to phone them? See if they're okay."

"Why? I have a feeling there is something you're not telling me."

Giles waved Wesley over and whispered in his ear, "Remember what we were trained for, the worst case senario? They would have told you procedure immediately prior to you being sent out to watch Buffy and Faith." Wesley nodded, "It's begun."

Wesley stepped back, "God no, Giles you must be wrong."

"Robson's most likely dead, Renate has fled."

"You saw Renate?"

"She's Kennedy's Watcher."

"I had the biggest crush on her."

"Lovely Wesley, really. But I think we have bigger issues than school boy crushes."

Spike walked up, "Does this have to do with what happened to Samuel and Abdullah?"

"You saw Samuel and Abdullah?" Wesley asked Spike.

"Please don't tell me you fancied them as well." Spike said.

"No, of course not, I just haven't seen any of them in years."

"Well, you won't see many of them again, their either dead, or have gone into hiding."

"Bloody Hell." Wesley and Spike said at the same time, then glaring at each other.

"I need you to contact your parents. I know your father was vice-chancellor under my mother." Spike cocked an eyebrow at Giles statement, "Spike it's not what you think." Giles again turned to Wesley, "I need to see if he knows anything about what may be happening. Things were so rushed I didn't get a chance to call mum, and see if she can help as well."

"Rupert's mum's still around?" Spike smiled.

"I'm not as old as you'd care to think Spike, my parents are very much alive and well. Mother retired from the Council ten years ago when Quentin took over."

The three could feel all eyes on them, "Rupert I think we need to tell them something." Wesley said.

"Yes, well, try to call through to your parents now, and I'll try in a bit."

"Okay." Wesley picked up the portable phone and headed into the dining room to make the call.

"Alright everyone, I have some shocking news. Wesley and myself were once warned that the events which are now taking palce were a possibility. We were also given minor instructions on how to deal with them. Still we aren't sure exactly what to do, and are trying to get in touch with retired Council members to assist us in understanding what is going on."

"What's going on Giles?" Angel asked, noting the tinge of fear in Giles voice.

"I believe the slayer line is being attacked, someone or something is effectively trying to wipe out the heirs to the calling, so that when Faith and then Buffy are killed there will be no one left to fight the forces of evil. They blew up the Council most likely to stop the discovery of future girls, and to destroy whatever documents were stored there which would effectively assist in stopping whatever is about to begin."

"Whoa man, that's huge." Gunn said.

"Sorry, but who are you?" Giles asked.

"Charles Gunn, I work with Angel. This is Fred and Lorne. So it sounds like someone is pretty pissed off at the whole slayer idea."

"Yes, quite. Spike I believe this may be why Quentin wanted you to watch Buffy, he needed someone strong to cover her until they knew what was going on. Actually Angel I was glad to see you, as you have some experience with who I believe to be carrying out the attack, well who is at least involved."

"Really? I really don't know who has the kind of power to do something like this."

"Actually, it's the same power that brought you back from hell."

"The First." Angel said remembering, "But Giles we didn't fight it, I didn't carry out its wishes, I just didn't obey. I don't think you can actually fight the First, I mean it's not like it's something tangible."

"Hate to sound ignorant, but who's the First?" Fred asked.

"Not who Fred, what. The First is essentially the First Evil, the primordial evil which was around before man or beast, which reigned before the demon, before the gods, the First has always been."

"Oh, nice to know this is actually worse than fighting against a hell god." Spike scoffed.

"I was attacked in London, well I don't think it was intentional. I had stopped off at a fellow watcher's to see if he wanted me to take his girl with us, she was dead, and he was near death. One of the Harbingers tried to split me in two, I killed it, and took this." Giles pulled the large Bringer's knife out of his hard sided brief case.

"I'm not even asking how you got that onto an airplane." Xander said.

"Robson, my friend who was attacked said that it had begun. The Harbinger's are sort of the First's minions, they carry out its work."

"Christmas Trees." Buffy said.

"Jeeze Louise Spike! What the hell did you do to her?" Xander asked.

"They were under the Christmas Trees when they came for Angel." Buffy was apparently more lucid, "I'm a slayer guys, remember rapid healing?"

"Yes, they were, I remember that." Giles said.

"Angel do you remember anything about being brought back, or what the First said or did to you?"

"He was all wild and crazy like a beast, running naked through the woods, I had to chain him up in the mansion, and I just said that didn't I?" Buffy said.

"I don't remember much until Buffy started taking care of me, prior to that it's all just bits and pieces."

"Anything else?"

"It haunted me."

"What?"

"It took form, it would taunt me and feed on my weaknesses, making me feel bad, guilty."

"Who?" Giles asked.

"Dead people. People I had killed or tortured, that sort of thing. But it was only dead people."

"Angel sees dead people!" Xander laughed.

"Drusilla." Spike said.

"No one cares about that crazy ho." Buffy said.

"Drusilla, that vision Buffy and I had, well technically Drusilla is dead, like Angelus or myself, we are technically dead. I mean, if Buffy could see her as well, it wasn't just me hallucinating. I tried to push her, and my hand went straight through, like a ghost."

"This may be related. We'll have to look into it further. I want everyone to be on full alert. I have some documents from the Council that I need to review, Angel and Wesley can help me. Is the green guy Pylean?"

"Yes I am, Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok Clan, but please just call me Lorne, I'm really trying to erase my whole Pylean experience from my memory."

"Empath Demon?"

"Yes."

"Good, we'll need your help too. Know any languages?"

"A few, but Fred here's better with the book learnin'"

"I'm also good on the computer and that sort of thing."

"She's like Willow, without the fear of world destruction." Anya said.

"Anya, can you please head out and see if there's any discussion among the demons about disturbances, or an upcoming battle, or anything to get you out of this house and as far away from me as possible?" Giles said. "Buffy when it gets dark, I'd like you take a few people out to where you found the Bringers last time, and see if there are any signs of activity."

"I can't believe I'm going to ask this, but what are we going to do about Faith?" Buffy asked.

"We need to get her out of there. We'll work on a plan."

"You need to get some sleep Rupert, you look like hell."

"You try spending a few days with those girls and you see how you look. I could use a nap though."

"Take mom's room, we'll start the research thing, and when you get up we'll work on more. Don't worry Giles, we've been through worse."

"Buffy, that's the problem, we haven't. This is like nothing we have ever come up against."

"What's the worst that could happen? I die? I've tried that, it doesn't work." Buffy laughed.


	13. Made

**Author's Note:** I hope I am saying hello to some new readers, and I hope to hear from you all. Sorry this update has taken so long, kinda got brain block on this story. But I think I should be able to get it rolling again. Reviews would probably inspire me, so would any number of the Mutant Enemy actor men in my bed. One can come true, the other is pure fantasy, please tell me it's not the reviews! The end of this chapter is a bit on the graphic side, Angelus + torture = really gory stuff, you don't necessarily need it for an understanding of he story, but I felt it needed to be there. You have been warned, it is not for the faint of heart, or anyone under 17. I am not responsible if you read it. 

If the night turned cold and the stars looked down. And you hug yourself on the cold, cold ground  
You wake the morning in a stranger's coat.   
No one would you see. You ask yourself, who'd watch for me. My only friend, who could it be  
It's hard to say it, I hate to say it, but it's probably me  
  
When you belly's empty and the hunger's so real. And you're too proud to beg and too dumb to steal  
You search the city for your only friend.   
No one would you see. You ask yourself, who could it be. A solitary voice to speak out and set you free  
I hate to say it, I hate to say it, but it's probably me  
  
You're not the easiest person I ever got to know. And it's hard for us both to let our feelings show  
Some would say I should let you go your way.   
You'll only make me cry. If there's one guy, just one guy. Who'd lay down his life for you and die  
It's hard to say it, It's hard to say it, but it's probably me  
  
When the world's gone crazy and it makes no sense. There's only one voice that comes to your defence  
The jury's out and your eyes search the room. And one friendly face is all you need to see  
If there's one guy, just one guy. Who'd lay down his life for you and die  
It's hard to say it, I hate to say it, but it's probably me  
-'It's Probably Me' written by Gordon Sumnter (aka Sting) from 'Ten Summoners Tales'

Faith walked into the room, following alternating squares of yellow and white lineoleum. It looked old. The walls too were covered in yellow and white tiles, someone at some point must have told the Department of Corrections that yellow was soothing or cheerful or some bullshit. All it did was make her want to puke. She was meeting her lawyer, probably the newest flunkie to arrive at the public defenders office. For all their talk, those assholes at Wolfram and Hart did nothing to get her out of there. She didn't even look up as she sat down in the turquoise plastic molded chair. She just picked up the phone, and pretended to be concentrating deeply on something on her pants.

"What do you want, it's crafts day and I'm real into potholders right now, so could we get this over with."

"Faith." She recognized the voice immediately, and for a second her face lit up with the joy she rarely showed anyone.

"Angel? What's up? Haven't seen you in a while, figured you have better things to do than visit your favorite felon."

"What happened to your face?" He was referring to the large cut across her cheekbone. It was deep enough that she had to have it stitched up at the nurses station.

"Overzealous butch bitch. Got a knife in here and tried a round of 'cut Faith,' I got the knife away from her and held her down 'til the guard came to take her away. But that didn't happen before she got one good swipe in, was bleedin' like crazy. I'm hopin' for a cool scar."

"Faith, you safety is in jeopardy. We have to get you out of here."

"Yeah, I got that note from Giles. That chick, the one who attatcked me, that knife was pretty damn fancy for an average prisoner. So I'm thinkin' this might be related."

"You look good, besides the gaping facial wound."

"Ditto, but I know you aren't here to say hi, nice wound, see you 'round. What's up Angel? Wait, lemme guess, Armageddon is on its way, horsemen and the whole 9 yards."

"Sort of."

"Well, good luck with that, it memory serves, I'll be here for the next 20 years, if there is a next 20 years."

"We can't protect you in here."

"I can take care of myself, big brother."

"You are just waiting to get killed if you stay here. They'll infiltrate, and trust me the chick with the knife is just the beginning."

"What are you saying Angel?"

"I'm saying I think the remainder of your redemption would be better served on the outside. We need you."

"We?"

"Me, Giles, Wesley, Buffy..."

"B needs me? Like hell she does. Probably off with her little commando right now fighting the good fight or whatever."

"Buffy's changed a lot since you last saw her."

"What, she loosen the stake in her ass?"

"Well for starters, she died."

"Again? Damn, someone's gotta tell that girl dyin' ain't gonna change much."

"Faith, I don't have much more time. We can protect you not just from what's after you, but from them." Angel motioned back to the guards.

"See that window over there? Enough shade for you? You know so there's no ashes?"

"Yeah, suns low enough."

"Back away from the glass, keep your eye on the guard behind you, she'll pull her gun immediately."

"Okay." Angel stepped back, and turned as if he were leaving, headed towards the guard. He heard the glass shatter, and saw the guard reach for her gun. He knocked it from her hand just as Faith grabbed him and dove for the window to the parking lot. They landed on a car, setting off the alarm.

"You okay prince of darkness?"

"Five by Five." Angel's convertible pulled in front of them slamming on the brakes. Thw window was open.

"Get it! Quick they're locking it down!" Wesley was behind the wheel. Faith jumped in and laid on the back seat, Angel took the passenger seat, rolling up the window. They crashed through the gate just as it was closing.

"Wow, that was fun. Haven't had fun like that since, well since I was on the outside. Wesley Wyndham Pryce, I can hardly believe it, look at you all scruffed out, lookin' kinda manish."

"Hello Faith."

"Just ignore the innuendo, I haven't seen a man in years, so I may come off a bit on the foul for a while. So where we headed?"

"Sunnydale" Angel and Wesley answered together.

"Oh this is gonna be fun." Faith leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes, it felt good to be free.

* * *

Sunnydale

Angel and Wesley had taken Gunn, Fred, Lorne and the Potentials back to the hotel in LA before they retrieved Faith. They had taken Joyce's old vehicle, and had Xander drive it back to Sunnydale. When he returned the Summers house was still bustling. 

"Sweet Jesus it's good to be without them." Giles announced, while very slightly wavering. He was drinking scotch with Spike, and this rarely ended well. "You know those 3 would scream and scream and scream and I thought my bloody eardrums were going to burst. Took all my will not to knock them all out."

"Cheers to that! Spent a day with 'em and I was ready to accept a life of migraines and do the same." They raised their glasses clinking them together before drinking down the glasses.

"Wow, it's like British pub but without the singing and hitting each other over the head!" Xander walked in.

"Well, now that you're here I expect the hitting can begin!" Spike laughed.

"We could sing though!" Giles laughed.

"Great a drunk Watcher and a nearly drunk Spike, wow I forgot how fun it was to have the two of you around." Xander walked thorugh the doors to the kitchen.

"Hey Xand." Buffy was at the sink.

"What the? How long have the two of them been at it?"

"A couple of hours, and 2 bottles of something brown. They started drinking after Angel left, something about them celebrating his leaving or something. One thing the two of them can agree on is that Angel is not their favorite vampire. Think Giles' still sore about the whole torturing thing."

"I can see how that'd be hard to get past." Xander could hear them start to sing. "Sorry, that'd be my fault."

"Oh, it's cool they were singing before, some Oxford fight song of something, I kinda blocked it out of my memory."

"How's the neck?" Xander noticed the bandage was gone.

"Super slayer healing cleaned that right up. I'm fine again, Really. Sorry I was out of it. It's my own fault."

"It's cool. I can't believe I am saying its cool that you let Spike have hot lunch but I am trying to be a bigger man." Xander followed her back into the dining room where the singing was in full force.

"First he had an English girl, but she was daft and lazy! Way all the way, with all the way Joe!" Giles sang.

"Then he had an Irish girl who nearly drove him crazy! Way all the way with all the way Joe!" Spike countered, then they started singing together.

"King Louis was the king of France before the revolution! But when he lost his head, it ruined his constitution! Way all the way with all the way Joe!" Both started laughing.

"Can't believe they still sing that over there! Think they started that one in old Angelus' times!"

"Bloody hell, this is some good scotch." Giles said picking up the bottle.

"Yup, it's so good, that there will be no more for anyone with an English accent!" Buffy picked up the bottle, to be met with two groans.

"Come on Slayer, don't be a party poop, give me back the bottle and no one gets hurt."

"Can you even see straight? I thought it took more than this to get you trashed Spike."

"Had a full bottle and a half, Rupes is the light weight!"

"Light weight my arse! In my day I could have drunk you under the table and then had time to raise a demon or two, perhaps bang a bird or two, and play guitar in a band!" Giles swayed in his seat, trying to shake his finger at Spike.

"Or two?" Xander added.

"Wha? Hmm, sleepy." Giles started to nod off.

"Xander can you help him upstairs? I swear drunker than a skunk and its not even dark out yet. Remind me to never let him go home to England again." Xander helped Giles stand and headed towards the stairs.

"Good night all, you've been lovely, really!" Giles said with a laugh as they ascended the stairs.

"What am I going to do with you? Getting Giles drunk? Come on."

"What pet? He's got a lot on his mind with the homicidal slayer on her way back with Peaches, and this whole first evil business, plsu no more watchers council, the man's had a tough week, figured he needed a bit of the release!"

"Yeah and what's your excuse?"

"'m the Big Bad love, don't need an excuse."

"Go! Off to bed with you, you better sleep this off before Faith and Angel get back here."

"Could use some help with that." Spike said grabbing her around the waist and roughly pulling her to him. "Want to help the big bad get tired enough to sleep? Got to admit pet, the scotch isn't making me so tired as much as hungry." He ran his hands up her sides, under her shirt. "Come on Slayer, know you wanna play."

"Spike." Was all she said as one of his hands went between her legs, rubbing against her jeans making her weak in the knees. "No, you need to sleep, and I need to do things. Things that aren't naked or you."

"Come on baby, just a quickie."

"And with that I say, Oh god! My eyes! The pain, the horror! Please dear lord make me blind!" Xander announced loudly from behind Spike.

"You only wish you could watch and catch a few tips Harris, I could teach you a thing or three."

"And again, I am wishing to be blind. Will eating rat poison make me blind?"

"Don't know, might kill you, lets weigh the odds and feed you some to see what happens. Experimental, you know."

"Boys! Spike, go to bed, you're drunk and beligerent, and I am wondering if your soul vanishes when you're drunk. Xander, go in the kitchen, I'll be down in a minute." Buffy grabbed Spike's hand roughly and lead him towards the stairs.

"Oh, I see how you want it love, wanna be in charge, woman on top and all that rot! But love, the handcuffs are at the crypt!" He said it all just loud enough that Xander could hear him.

Buffy poked him hard in the ribs, "Ow! Why'd you do that?"

"Because you are being very obnoxious, and personally, I prefer you at the peak of your performance, in other words, sober. So go, get in my bed, go to sleep and when you wake up I promsie a big surprise."

"Surprise? 'm not a fan of surprises love, why don't you just give it to me now?"

"Give it to you? You wish. I love you, but damn sometimes you are a pain in the ass."

"Part of my charm."

"Well charm yourself into bed, and I'll check on you in a bit." Buffy stopped outside her bedroom door, leaning in and kissing him hard on the lips.

"Mmm, no love, don't go."

"If you want more, you'll get in that bed right now and sleep if off, I don't need you drunk when Faith gets here, or Angel for that matter. Although it might be fun to watch you to go at it."

"Fine, sleep it is. You are the queen of cruel." He grabbed her face and kissed her once more. "Say it again."

"What? About you and Angel and the wrestling, maybe in some oil or jello or..." She peeked in the door to make sure it was dark enough that her lover wouldn't burn to a crisp. All was clear.

"Stop it Anya." He smirked, "No those three little words you never said before I got a soul."

"I love you. Now go to sleep before I stake you into a permanent one!" She smiled and walked back down the stairs.

"Better be a damn good surprise!" He called after her before going into the room. Truth be told, he was tired, he justs didn't know if the dreams would come back if she wasn't with him. Hewas asleep before his head hit the pillow. He was surrounded by her scent, and that alone was enough to raise a purr from his chest as he settled in. 

* * *

_Spike was taken to the past, the far past, to his near beginnings. he was watching things which had happened so long ago he could barely believed they still were within him. _

_"William my boy! Raised so proper, bet you never got to have your way a warm bodied whore!" Angelus grabbed his arm. It had only been a few days since he had been turned. He was well aware he was at the bottom of the feeding chart. Angelus was clearly the Alpha male, but moreso Darla truely ran the show. It was fine, he was raised to respect his elders, but for reason all he really wanted to do was rip their throats out, and feed from their power, then blow their dust in the wind. He'd already been told about getting dusted, and that it was a right bad plan to have a meeting with a stick to the chest. Something primal had stirred in him when Angelus took him out for his first whore run. The girls weren't fans of it, so they had stayed at home with a paper boy or something._

_But here they sat, two male vampires, riding through London in a fine carriage, headed to the bordellos. Bordellos was actually too rich a word, see Angelus preferred his whores cheap. The high class escorts were too clean for him. He liked his girls half drunk on gin and tasting of laudanum or opium. Said it gave the blood a certain something you couldn't get out of just any whore, William figured it was the syphillus. Plus they were apt to so just about anything you asked them to prior to you ripping their throats out. There was little you could steal off of the bodies, but they also weren't exactly cared for women, so no alarm was raised when they were found dead. This was how Angelus liked it._

_William sat silently across from Angelus. He had yet to grow into his own skin as a vampire. _

_"Actually I bet you never had your way with any woman!" Spike had done his best to block this night from his memory. No matter how awful or wicked a monster he had become he knew he would never be Angelus, he didn't want to be after this night._

_The carriage stopped outside a rowdy tavern. Women hung outside the doors, some barely able to stand up. The air stank, which would have been bad enough had he been human. Angelus dropped out of the carriage with the confidence of a bull fighter. Had he always had such bravado? William had longed to be a kind of man that could sweep a woman clean off her feet, literally, and whom men wanted to be. He had read of such heroic figures in his books while studying, but now to see such a man in person, well it would have taken his breath away had he had one to lose._

_"Come on boy!" Angelus coaxed him out of the carriage. As soon as his feet touched the ground the horses took off. "Come on!" He growled as he grabbed William's arm. "Now my boy, pick out which one, or hell, pick 2 you want. I'll have Stan send them up to my usual room. Nice and discreet Stan is. Gets a bit of the cut and cleans up real nice for us. Stan ever decides to not do as told he'll end up just like his brotherHenry who used to run this bar. I impaled him on the bannister, eviscerated him, and wrapped his intestines around his neck like a lovely collar. See this is how we get the humans to do our bidding. We tell them to, and if they don't well Henry is only the beginning of the wonderful things we can do. I hope you are a good student, it's been too long since I've had a man to help me out. Now where were we? Oh yes, the whores! Listen to me, going on and on not letting you pick."_

_William opened his mouth, but couldn't croak anything out. "It's all right, I know there's such a selection. See that red head over there, the one in green. She'll be full of opium, the blonde in red over there, she's a right gin head, might have a bit of the laudanum in her as well. But me, see I have a thing for blondes, love that light hair, fair eyes too. Something about it just does it for me. What about you, what's your type?"_

_Images of Cecily flooded his mind. "Black, Black hair, fair skin, b-but light eyes."_

_"You do have fine taste. I like you more and more everyday." Angelus turned around, nearly every man in the pub had turned to look at the two of them when they entered. Both so lavishly dressed, far from the working class men who frequented the place. But none of the had the nerve to start a fight, it was almost as if they knew what would happen to them. "Stan! Stan, my friend! What do you have for me today?"_

_"Angelus, Sir, it is nice to see you, and your friend. Here, I have two bottles of fine champagne, had my boy steal them right off the crate by the docks. Fancy stuff, from France and all."_

_"Lovely. Send up the Blonde in red, and another blonde, find two of the finest black haired women in here, if that's possible. Honestly Stan you better start attracting better looking whores, or I will have to find somewhere else to do my partying. We'd prefer them all light eyed if possible. And see if you have any which have bathed in the last month, I do hate to stink up my clothes with dirty whore."_

_"Yes sir, of course." The man nearly bowed to Angelus, Angelus threw a bag of coins at the man. "Thank you sir, you are right generous."_

_"Yeah, yeah, you've got about 15 minutes before my patience runs out, and so does your life." Angelus grabbed the bottles. "Come on William, I'll make a man out of you yet." William followed him up the stairs to a room. The room was lavishly furnished, looking wholly out of place in a pub such as this._

_"It's very nice." William said._

_"It speaks! Well it should be nice, I paid for it. I like my whores a bit dirty, but there's nothing like luxury while doing one. It's the ying and yang. "_

_The whores showed up, and Angelus put them through their paces, demanding them to do things to each other William had only thought went on between married people. He wasn't disgusted as he felt he should be, instead he was fascinated and aroused. "You feel it don't you William? The demon inside wants a piece, or is it the man in you?" He had no answer, he was just driven to rampage one of these women until he could no longer walk._

_"First things first boy, I get mine, then you get yours. Understand?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Yes, who?" Angelus tone became demanding._

_"Yes, Angelus."_

_"No, wrong, that would be sir. In this room it's always sir." Angelus hit William so hard he thought his teeth would fly out of his mouth._

_"Yes, sir." He responded shakily. _

_"That's better. Now which one of my lovelies wants to play with me first?" He looked over the girls like a Shah with his harem. He sniffed the blonde he had first seen. "Lavender water? Is my little whore trying to smell clean for daddy? Sorry love, but there is no way to clean the filth off of you." He said as he slapped her ass. William looked away, he was embarassed._

_"Never in all my unlife have I seen such a meek vampire. By god you must have been a useless human being!" Angelus scoffed at him. "I don't think you deserve any of these girls, let alone my precious Drusilla. At least not until you've been properly broken in."_

_If it were possible to go invisible from shame, it may have happened to William right there. Even as he watched Spike felt pity creep into him, pity for himself, the man he was._

_Things began to speed up in the dream. These were things he remembered, but Spike had always secretly prayed they would go from him memory. Angelus tortured him that night. In so many ways that were unthinkable to such an innocent boy, boy, that was truely all he was before that night. Angelus had his way with the boy's body, rituals that William had been taught brought about the fall of Greece, things that the king's bible did not approve of, things that made him fill with shame. Then Angelus played god for a while, telling them all what to do, and how he wanted it. Directing his own sexual play. In the end Angelus got bored, he used each girl and pushed them aside, his sexual hunger never wavering. When he was done, the worst of it began. The only word that could be used was slaughter. William was terrified. Even full of this demonic strength he felt powerless, and unsure of what his abilities were anyways. Angelus fed from each girl, encouraging William to do the same, which he did. He had learned earlier that one does not defy this man, at least not in this room, where he went by sir, and ruled over all. _

_The first girl he tied up, the champagne long gone, he broke the bottle and began cutting her. First they were small cuts, which made her wimper, but soon they were deep the blood running down her legs and pooling at the floor. _

_"This my boy is how you conduct an evisceration. Now see, you don't wnat to cut them open too quickly, the small cuts, make them numb, keeps the blood pumping, kicks in that energy that makes them smell of fear. You do smell the fear don't you?"_

_"Yes Sir." _

_"Right, Now you don't want to cut too high, specially not on a woman, I like to start by cutting from her navel down, properly split her in two, the way god intended. Then you cut across, makes a nice cross shape, but not the kind that'll burn. Now you reach in like so, and see? See how easy that was?" Angelus asked as he pulled out a fist full of entrails, a joyful smile passed over his lips as he looked up to see the girl was still partially conscious. "Look sweetheart, at least your insides were clean, bloody, "He licked his hand, "but cleaner than you'll ever be." The girl closed her eyes and William heard her heartbeat die. The three other girls lived in fear of what their fates would be. They learned hours ago not to scream, or he would only drag it our more, and that was just the beatings. _

_William had frantically tried to leave, but Angelus stopped him. "Boy, you aren't going to run and miss out on the fun? Honestly we haven't even got to the candles. You should see what I can do with a candle, amazing really. I am teaching you, it's a wicked world out there, and I doubt you're going to last 5 minutes without my teachings, so sit down, and watch." He threw the carcass aside and grabbed another girl. "Aww princess is crying, that salt'll feel right good in your wounds, I'm just wondering how I should do you in."_

_"Please sir, don't" She pleaded with him falling to her knees, "I'll do anything you like!"_

_"See, now this is what makes it all worth while, the begging. I love it when they beg, almost as much as when they run. Someday William, you'll have a woman begging on her knees in front of you, and thanks to me you'll know what to do with her. Now you just stay right there for a minute, and I'll be back to take care of you." Angelus wandered over to a hutch on the side of the room. He gestured for William to join him. When he opened it he showed a myriad of implements. Some were common, ice picks, riding crops, scissors, but others were things he had never seen._

_"Killed a surgeon for his bag of items. Some of these are antiques, been with me since turn of the last century. Now be a good boy and put that in the fireplace, want it nice and hot." He handed William a modified coal poker, the tip being sharpened to a point. "Pretty, pretty face. A shame to waste it on a whore." Angelus walked over to the girl and with a scalpel began slicing off thin lines of flesh from her face and then her body. "Oh yeah, please cry, it'll make it hurt worse. God do I love it when they cry!" Angelus began laughing, he then opened the girls mouth, "If you suck it good, real good like a good girl should, then maybe, just maybe I'll let you go. You'll be one ugly woman, but happily alive." The girl obeyed, tears running down her face, mixing with the blood. There was no way she would survive the night like this, but she was stupid, too stupid to know that. William wondered however a man or animal could exists like the one before him. "Now I'm all for a long drawn out death, but I've still got two to go, so it's your lucky day." Angelus reached down, the girl looked hopeful, but then he snapped the girls neck. "Oh, if you didn't know, that's how you snap a neck. Got it? Sadly I won't be redemonstrating that one any time soon." He eyed up the two remaining girls, he was naked, covered in the blood of their former cohorts, and perversly loving every second of it. _

_"Both of you, up, come here." The girls held each other as they walked to him. "Isn't this just precious? Wow, I could just eat the two of you up, literally. William, come here, time for some active participation. Now see the blonde, I know you aren't fond of blondes, but go with me on this one. You're going to bugger her while I kill her. I want you to feel the true ecstasy of a good fuck n' kill. But not just any fuck. She's not like us, so it's gonna hurt her so badly she won't even know if she can think while you're ramming it in her. She'll be begging you to stop, and that's when you give it to her harder, make her bleed, split her in two, whatever feels good. But wait, you should know what that's like my boy, as now I guess you get to deal out a bit of what I dealt to you." He grabbed the girl bending her over in front of him, "Come on William, give it to 'er good."_

_William did as he was told, and he didn't hate it. In fact somewhere in him it awoke something, a sense of power, or strength, something which had laid dormant for too long in his human body, but something now the demon needed. "Just like a fish to water. You really should see your self, it makes me proud. " Angelus told him, "Pull her off the bed, grab your ankles bitch." The girl did as she was told, William was getting lost in the action of all of this, it wasn't until he felt her tense and smelled burning flesh did he look down. Angelus was lazily drawing circles on her back, branding her flesh. "Are you close William? Are you almost there?" He couldn't speak he just nodded, "Good, cos here's the grand finale." Angelus thrust the poker straight through her back into her chest, she didn't even scream, but William roared. _

_William was dizzy as he pulled out of the girl, throwing her to the floor. "That's my boy! Did you feel that? How it felt when she died? Remember, I taught you that. Now you get to return the favor." Angelus grabbed the final girl, repeating Williams previous actions, "Now come here boy. Wrap your hands around her throat, squeeze, not too hard, or you'll pop her head off and well, that will be useless. Just squeeze, watch her struggle, see the begging in her eyes. Watch her." And he did as he was told, she twitched when she died and it startled him. William was aghast with himself, had he just done these things? Had he enjoyed it? And he knew, deep down he did._

_Both of them dressed, and headed down the stairs. Angelus cast a knowing glance at Stan who in turn nodded, silently understanding the mess he had waiting for him. When they stepped outside, the carriage was waiting for them. They got in. "So boy, how does it feel to know what it is to be a man such as ourselves."_

_"Good. It feels good."_

_"Shame that didn't take nearly as long as I had planned, and now I'm still hungry."_

_"I know a place we can go." It was Friday, and if he hadn't been mistaken, all would be gathered at Cecily Addam's home, as they had for the last 2 years. _

_"Really? And what kind of place is it?"_

_"Nice, lots of bodies. Lots of bodies who deserve what's coming to them."_

_"Debutantes? Are there debutantes?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Yum. Fine William, lets do this. I knew you'd be a quick study, and I do so love to watch my progeny at work."_

_That was the night they had killed most of his former friends. Not Cecily, she didn't get it that night. Instead the mockery group got the railroad spikes they so often wanted instead of his poems. He could see Angelus standing back, watching William curse, bringing down into their skulls spikes with the ferocity of the devil himself. _

_Spike watched, knowing why he was seeing all of it, then Angelus turned to him. "Look at how much you loved it. You loved it, and I taught you. Taught you everything. I gave you the balls you were born with boy."_

_"Fuck you Angelus."_

_"No William, watch yourself, you don't even know how proud I was of you, railroad spikes, that was truely inspired. Of course all of this was before the street urchin in you decided he wanted to run the show. You with the poor English, horrid clothes, what was it, fists and fangs? You could have been a god, you could have been like me." Angelus looked back at William still pounding stakes into bodies. "You were so zealous. Had such a gift. Now look at you. Pathetic, driveling little boy again. You did this to yourself." _

_"No, you made me what I was, I made me what I am today."_

_"Like that's something to be proud of boy! Poncy, poncy William, momma's boy til the end aren't you?"_

_"Shut up you poof!"_

_"Who's the poofter? Who got buggered? Not me, but I do recal someone crying with delight as I broke him in, night after night, teaching you to be a proper childe. Something that you never figured out, but maybe that's cos you liked the punishment, was that it? Did you like it boy?"_

_"Yeah then you got cursed, and I took Dru away, as far away from you and everything you stood for you sick pathetic pervert!"_

_"Pervert? Is that the best you can do, really boy."_

_"Don't call me boy!" Spike roared at him and started to lunge at him, game face in full effect._  
  
"Spike! Spike, baby are you okay?" It was Buffy's voice that brought him back. "You were yelling and freaking out. Was it one of those dreams?"

It took him a minute to get reoriented to where he was. "What?"

"I don't know you were calling someone a poof and a pervert and something about boys."

"Don't know love, must have just been a bad dream. Nightmares, free gift with purchase of one new shiny soul." She looked at him quizically.

"Spike, you can tell me."

"Love, there are some things that you never need to know about. Things that happened so far in the past that they don't matter now. Angelus and I have a history, a bad, bad history full of messy horrible things you can't understand and nor do I ever want you to. Let's just say once I saw who he was I did my best to keep up, and to not be like him. Yeah, I got off on the violence, the killing, the destruction, all demons do. But I never was half the sadist he was. He was sick, even for a vampire. The Angelus who had your watcher was not in top form, if he had been, Watcher would have been sent back to you day after day, small pieces in little baggies, taking just the pieces that Angelus would know he could spare to lose, dragging it out so that he could live upwards of a week, and then, maybe if he were lucky Angelus would have killed him. I learned first hand what he was capable of. Even without a soul I knew what he did was wrong."

"I could say I understand, but I don't. I do know you aren't him, never have been, and I hope you never will be, cos I like you the way you are. I love you Spike, William the Bloody, and whoever regular William was, I love all of it." She reached up and touched his face, which was still in game mode. "I even love your lumpies." She said very matter of fact, kissing his brow as he transformed back into his human guise.

"Don't know how I ended up deserving this."

"Maybe you don't deserve this, it's probably me who deserved this, you just got to come along for the ride."

"Now pet, that's a right awful thing to say!"

"I'm kidding, now shut up and kiss me!" As always he obliged, some things just didn't change.


	14. Free

Authors Note: Yay! I love reviews! Especially from new readers! Welcome LoganAlpha30! I'll see what I can do with Faith, I like pairing her oddly (Gunn, Angel) so maybe its time Wesley got a taste! Spygirl! You make me so happy I could kiss you! I am glad you like living in my Season 7 universe! I promise that you will be seeing more old faces soon and I hope you enjoy this in a mucho grande sort of way. Anywhoo. Darklover, I agree Angelus is a sicko, but I kinda wouldn't have him any other way, he offers a nice contrast to Spike, and well just about every other living creature on the planet. Jenny! You ready for Angel tonight?? Okay, so now I go, but look at what reviews do, yup, that's right they make me write more faster. Go reviews!

Jonathon and Andrew had crossed into the United States the day before. They had driven around Sunnydale city limits for a few hours and retreated one city over. 

"Isn't it ironic that the next city over is Shadow's Grove? I mean Sunnydale has a hell mouth, and Shadow's Grove has what, a Taco Bell?" Jonathon asked as they drove down Main St.

"Yo Quiero Taco Bell. Mmm it's about time we ate real Mexically food." Andrew was sitting in the seat across from Jonathon. He was still wearing a sombrero and poncho. Jonathon had asked him to take off the hat a few times as he couldn't see out the window, but Andrew insisted that his disguise was a necessity. The El Camino was the cheapest but unfortunately tackiest car they could find. The horn sounded like a geriatric mariachi band on quaaludes, as it was profoundly slow. Although it would be difficult to remain incognito in an ElCamino with flames and Mexican flags painted on the doors, it was all they could get. Andrew suggested that he get his airbrush and paint the Death Star, both versions, on either of the doors. Jonathon had only turned up the radio and ignored him. He loved Andrew to death, but sometimes he just wanted to gag him.

"J-Lo, I'm hungry, how much money do we have left?"

"If you ever call me that again I am going to dump you in the middle of the street and make an anonymous phone call to the Sunnydale PD."

"Yeah, but I can give them a description of the car so you can't do that."

"I could if I cut your tongue out."

"You wouldn't!"

"I was an evil mastermind, of course I could, and even if I couldn't I could probably magically make your mouth disappear."

"Well my mouth is hungry right now. Hungry for something not made of dog, perhaps of the beef persuasion."

"We've got a couple hundred left. But we don't know how long we are going to have to hide from Buffy." Jonathon said.

"What happened to 'I'll just go see Buffy right away, I'm sure she won't hate us and sic her satan inspired best friend on us like that dog in Cujo.'"

"I never called Willow Cujo."

"Whatever, it was a metaphor."

"Oh look, a payphone, you know what payphones are good for? Anonymous phonecalls, that's what."

"Shut up Jonathon, I want a hamburger, no, better, I want a Double Meat Medley!"

"There isn't a Double Meat Palace here, we have to go to Sunnydale for that, plus Buffy works there, not a brilliant strategic move."

"I am a Dungeon Master, I know about strategy."

Jonathon turned the car around and headed back to Sunnydale.

"Whoa, why'd you do that?"

"Because we should do this sooner rather than later, and if we don't I might kill you."

"But, Buffy's gonna kill us first."

"I hear she's real against that these days. She's got a no-dead-humans policy."

"But, she's got Spike, and Anya, and all sorts of folks who don't have a problem with that! Remember why we went to Me-hi-co?" Andrew was exasperated. He couldn't believe that Jonathon was so blind as to walk them right into a death trap. At least when people walked into death traps on TV they were dressed like commandos and didn't realize they were heading to their innetivable deaths, a death generally involving lasers. "Well can we at least stop at the DMP so I can get a Medley? I heard Buffy freaked out one day about how it was made of people, the double meat. It was a very Hestonian moment from what I hear."

"You seriously need to get out more Andrew."

* * *

"Yes Lorne, as soon as we hear from or see Angel & Wesley we will let you guys know." Dawn was on the phone with Lorne for the third time in a day. "What the hell? Did you have a vision or something?"

"Well sugarsnap, I hear Faith's a bit of a live wire, she probably could have dusted Angel, killed Wesley, dumped the body, and be on her way to Mexico by now."

"Wow, I feel so comfrotable with the thought of her sharing my room with me."

"I'm just sayin'."

"I know, and trust me, I'm sure Wes will want to call you guys as soon as he gets back. You know how he is about his books, I'm sure it's just breaking his heart to be so far away from them."

"Okay, Later alligator."

"Afterwhile crocodile." Dawn laughed as she hung up the phone. The irony was not beyond her. When she turned around she saw a very pale Buffy coming down the stairs. "Hey sis, what's up, you look like you just saw a ghost, which considering the current climate around here wouldn't be a wierd as it could be."

"Spike was freaking out about Angelus or something. I don't know, it was just wierd, cos he was acting so strange. Kinda freaked me out."

"Sounds like freaks all around." Xander said as he followed them into the kitchen.

"You're still here?" Buffy asked without effort.

"Yeah I figured I'd be the man around the house while our friends from across the pond sleep off their afternoon delight."

"Did you just call Spike you're friend?" Dawn laughed.

"I didn't mean it that way."

"Dawn who were you on the phone with, was that Wes?"

"No, it was Lorne, again. He's worried about Wes and Angel."

Buffy rummaged in the fridge, "Don't we have any more diet? I just bought diet soda, like yesterday."

"And you've had a house full of people eating and drinking your food."

"Damnit."

"Whoa Buff, watch the language in front of Dawn!" Buffy and Dawn threw him glares, if only looks could kill. "Say, how about I go out and get some more soda and other food stuffs so you don't look at me like that anymore?"

"Sounds good." Buffy smilled and nodded, patting him on the shoulder.

Xander walked out and got in his Purple Ford Taurus. He remembered how embarassed he had been when his very drunk mother announced that she bought him a car. She claimed to have fallen in love with the color, but when Xander smelled vomit coming from the backseat, he realized it was probably more like a 'you puke in it, you bought it' deal. As he pulled out of the driveway, the convertible pulled in. Xander stopped, and rolled down the window.

"Wow Harris, that is one manly vehicle." Faith snickered as she got out of the car.

"Nice, Faith, kill anyone lately? Hey you guys need anything? I'm going to the store."

"I want a burrito, and hot pockets, hell anything microwavable, and I want beer. God do I want beer. I could also go for..." Faith started.

"Whoa, I'm not a grocery service, I'm just getting a couple of things. Beer though, I can definately manage." Xander pulled onto Revello Drive and away from the Summers home.

"Well Faith, you ready for this?"

"Last time I was in this house it was a bit of an out of body experience, literally. You sure B ain't gonna jump me?"

"I'll stop her, okay?" Angel asked from the car. The sun was just about to set for the day, but he could never be too careful. He wasn't into running around with flaming blankets like some of his kin.

"Aight. Let's do this." Faith headed for the back door. As she approached it, it opened.

"Faith." Buffy nodded at Buffy/

"Buffy." Faith nodded back as Buffy stood aside to let everyone in.

"As flattering as this prison orange is, I could really use some real clothes."

"Go upstairs, I'm sure something of mine will be whoreish enough for you." Buffy replied smartly.

"Wow, I had my money you'd last at least 5 minutes before ripping into me. Looks like I was wrong." Faith headed out of the kitchen and for the stairs. Before she got there she ran into Dawn.

"Faith."

"Hey little sis. How's it hangin?"

"It's not hangin' at all."

"Ouch, so does the hatred for me run in the family or is it beyond genetics?"

"Sorry, I'm just not real into trusting you just yet."

"Understandable."

"But we're sharing a room, and I swear if you touch one hair on my head..."

"Big sis is gonna kick my ass all the way to Cleveland. Got it." Faith headed upstairs. When she got to Buffy's door, it was locked. "Figures, 'Faith go upstairs and find some clothes, if you can get into my room, I have the key shoved so far up my ass I should be able to spit it out in a few minutes.'" She mocked Buffy until the door opened.

"Whoa!" Faith naturally fell into a fighting stance. "William the Bloody. Still got that chip in your head? Still got a yen for fucking slayers?"

"Who... wait are you Faith? You must be, no one else has that homicidal look in their eye around here, 'cept Xander 'round feeding time."

"BUFFY!" Faith yelled down the hall.

"How do you know about the chip?"

"Hmm, I don't know. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up..."

"I've got muscles you've never dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne, and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more."

"Wow, memory like a steel trap."

"'s not the kind of thing a man forgets. Buffy told me about that. You did Captain Cardboard, kudos to you, although I think you missed out on the shag of your life when you left me in the Bronze."

"You know what else steel traps are good for? Trapping animals, animals like you." Faith remarked, Buffy ran up the stairs, nearly out of breath.

"Now Faith, why would you say that? Sorry you missed out on your chance? I'd just like to say that wow, you weren't wrong, Buffy truely was the most amazing shag of my unlife, but I can't remember, Buffy, love did I ever pop like warm champagne?"

"Not that I recall, but there could have been popping I'm not remembering, after the 5th ot 6th time in one night I sort of stop keeping track of your popping status." She smiled at him.

"Whoa, wait up. So you two've been bangin' the gong?"

"Bangin' the gong? Faith, that's a horrible analogy. Did they teach you that in prison? Some sort of lesbian sex refrence?"

"We'll have to ask Red 'bout that pet."

"I'm gonna go slam my head into the wall over there until I black out and wake up in Kansas alright?" Faith was unnerved. "I mean they said things had changed, but damn B, another vampire?"

"You know what they say 'bout us, once you go vamp, you never go back."

"Spike, go check on Giles make sure he hasn't choked on his own puke or anything."

"Why do I have to check on the watcher? It's not like I'm a Watcher watcher!"

"Spike."

"Fine." Spike sauntered away from the two slayers.

"B, you have got to be kidding me. This is way too fucked up, and when I'm calling a situation fucked up, you know it's beyond normal fucked up standards."

"It's cool, come on, lets' get you some clothes." Buffy turned and let Faith into her room. Faith sat on the bed while Buffy milled through her closet. 

"So what's with the change of fashion? Last time I saw you, you were all Rainbow Bright, and now it's like Rainbow Not Bright. I mean, B, all your clothes are black, well dark red or dark something and black."

"Some shit's happened in the last year, and let's just say I wasn't in such a good place for a while."

"The language, the clothes, are you turning into my blonde clone? Cos I have the patent on rogue slayer, it's all copyrighted n shit." Buffy threw a red tank top, a pair of black jeans, and one of her many black leather jackets on the bed. 

"There, wear those. Your feet are bigger than mine, so go raid Dawn and Willow's closets for shoes. Anything else you need, well you pretty much know where all my stuff is don't you?" The end of her statement was said bitterly.

"Yeah. So wait, Willow lives here? I mean I heard about your mom, nice lady, I was real sorry to hear she kicked it. But Willow lives here?"

"Sort of, she did until she tried to end the world, which was after she flayed Warren alive, which was after he killed her girlfriend while trying to kill me. Then Giles took her to England to get her Wicca stuff under control."

"Willow? Red hair, mousy, brainy, about so tall? That Willow?"

"Yup. Anything else? I need to check on Giles and make some food. You hungry?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. I'll be right down." Faith said in mostly disbelief, was this the same Sunnydale she had left? "Uh, B. Did anyone else go all evil while I was gone?"

"Umm, let's see, I died, friends brought me back from the dead, Xander left Anya at the altar, Giles went back to England, I tried to feed all my friends to a demon so I could stay in a mental hospital in my head, umm I think that's about it. Oh yeah, Spike has a soul now, so don't stake him or anything. And oh yeah, Gatorade has a new flavor, blue."

"Another one with a soul? But I thought you two were..."

"It's more permanent than Angel's."

"Oh. Wow. 3 years in lock-up and the whole world changes."

"Things are like that when you live on a hellmouth."

"I guess. So are you and me okay? I don't wanna be a pain in the ass, but Angel made it sound real important for me to be here. I just don't wanna be in anyone's way. I'm real sorry about how things went last time, I mean with the stealing your body and all that."

"Let's just take it one step at a time. I mean, I don't trust you, not completely, but I guess I have a different outlook on things now, and maybe I can kinda see things from a place closer to where you are. Plus, you pull any shit and it's back to orange jumpsuits and meals on plastic trays for you. Angel said you were trying, and I have to trust that, as long as you don't prove that trust is misplaced, I will try to trust you. I don't want things to end up like they did last time, with me stabbing you in the gut, and you stealing my body. I'd like to think we can sorta start over. But you lay one finger on my boyfriend, and I'll rip your guts out, not stab them." Buffy smiled sweetly.

"Yeah, this is gonna take some adjusting to. But I'm down. I really do want to be good now. It's not a game or an act or anything like that. Ain't it funny? I want to help save the world."

"I've heard it from stranger sources."

"I guess. Well, I'll be down in a few. Can I take a shower? Do you have any idea how long its been since I could take a shower alone? And grass! Oh My God! When I'm done takin' a shower I'm gonna run around outside and dig my toes into grass. Man, it's shit like grass and showering alone that you start to miss you know? I mean why doesn't anyone miss paying the water bill?"

"Maybe cos the freedom from checking accounts in prison affords makes you not think about the water bill? Sure you can take a shower, and just don't run around the backyard naked, the neighbors sort of frown on that." Buffy turned and left Faith. Maybe they could start over, but even if they couldn't they needed each other right now, so they really had no choice.


	15. Parental

Authors Note: I would like to address some concerns brought up by St.Cobb in their review (and consequently I doubt you are even reading this as you claim you will no longer be reading this story). The demon is always controling, BUT that doesn't mean that there is no sense, even among the undead soulless legions, that somethings are beyond feeding and border on sadistic. It is not neccessary for the demon to torture and maim it's prey before feeding. As most vampires in BtVS cannon seem to go out, find a victim, feed and go on their merry way. Angelus is different, he gets off on the torture, he doesn't just kill to survive, he kills because he gets off on it. He didn't kill Jenny Calendar to feed, he killed her cos it would hurt Giles and thus Buffy. My point in the dream sequence, where I assume your issue came to be, is that this is the vampire William became before he turned into Spike. As we learned this season on Angel, in the episode 'Destiny' he wasn't always Spike, Spike was made. At first the vampire William was just a vampire, but Angelus pushed him hard to become something more vicious, something more like himself, indeed a monster made in his own form. Which means cruelty and violence goes beyond dinner, it becomes something to get off on, something to master, an art form, something perverse. Also if you note in the sequence William's feelings are put in a past tense, such as 'William wasn't disgusted, as he felt he should be (that'd be his human memory telling him what he had been taught was right and wrong), instead he was fascinated and aroused.(the demon overriding)' In other words the demon was overriding everything his human had been taught or told. The shame that vampWilliam experiences is not so much from human morals or mores, BUT is instead because he feels inferior, these are things he has not seen or done before, his shame is rooted in him feeling like less of a man/vamp than Angelus, who at this point is still somewhat a hero figure to him. I even state that this is a young vampire, William being nothing more than a fledgling, still not knowing his demonic strength. Vampires are as animals, they are metaphors for all the animalistic impulses of a human being, when animals kill it is not considered wrong, as it is their survival. The thing that even Buffy draws as a line of good vs. evil, is the taking of human life. What Willow did to Warren was evil, What Spike assumably did to Holden Webster (with a soul) was evil, they killed people. But even without a soul, when Spike could not kill humans, he was considered harmless and thus no longer evil. He was still a demon, but he wasn't dangerous. Hell, Buffy doesn't kill Clem because, while he may be a threat to cat populations every where, he is of no real danger to humans. The line of evil is drawn at killing humans, and in that sense vampires who take life are evil. vampWilliam is evil, he takes human life. But Angelus is a sick fuck because he doesn't just kill, no he draws it out, he takes pleasure in suffering, which is a bit more than killing and feeding. What I was trying to show was a new vampire, not understanding what he is capable of, or what is acceptible, being taken under the wing of someone who is more depraved and deranged than your average vampire, thus creating an environment where the things Spike does (pre soul) are seen as normal, if only because he was brought up in an environment that was exceptionally demented (hmm metaphor anyone??). If anything Spike thinks the things he does aren't that bad, because when looked at through Angelus tinted glasses he looks like a pussy. This was showing that monsters, real monsters aren't born, they are made whether vampire or man. Angelus afforded Spike the ability to unleash the very worst in him. Also the view that vampires are incapable of emotion as the demon doesn't allow it, is crap. Even Drusilla has claimed 'Oh we can love quite well.' Spike loved Drusilla, Spike loved Buffy, Spike felt jealousy, sadness, and many other emotions all while a souless vampire. So to say that he should be some mindless automotron just killing left and right because he is an evil creature of the night and that is what he does, is a bit less than accurate. I mean would Spike have ever made a truce with Buffy in Season 2 if that were truely the case? Even if his emotions are notoriously selfish in their drives, they are there, and to discount them would be to demean the character. Thus the demon is there, scratching away at his insides, hungering and longing, and thus he does kill, but given the environment he was raised in, he also learns that he can feed the demon in a different way. Later when he gets chipped he continues to feed the demon, but moreso he feeds it with violence, which satiates what is inside of him, what Angelus showed him was there.

Enough on that. StCobb if you are still reading I hope this offers you some clarity on what I was doing. I was trying to show the development of Spike, and how one single event can make someone a monster. As for the rest of ya'll I hope the above can show you some of the metaphors and drivers I am using to direct this story. The First Evil, much like vampires, is a metaphor of all the darkness we are capable of, as there is no animal so cruel and perverse as the human being. But we learn what is wrong when we create something that is the darkest in all of us, showing us that while succumbing to that may feel good, ultimately you will pay the price and be shut down as goodness is stronger than any evil the universe has to offer. As per usual reviews are appreciated, and if you have a problem with my story, please give me a chance to explain myself before you go running away. ;) BTW: Much love to all my new readers and all the readers who have been with me for a while! I AM SO SORRY THIS UPDATE HAS TAKEN SO LONG, LIFE HAS CAUGHT UP WITH ME, I PROMISE NOT TO BE SO SLOW IN THE FUTURE!!! I am also sorry this chapter is so short, I figured you'd prefer short, rather than nothing.

* * *

**England**

Giles had left days before. He had called her to tell her about the Watcher's Council blowing up. The police still had no leads. She had gathered all of his remaining books and such and shipped them to Revello Drive. Willow was getting antsy. She was sick of being in England, alone, isolated from everyone. 

The coven had taught her that everything in the universe was connected. And that when using magick she had to remember to maintain the balance. This was something she remembered from Tara, that if you lit a fire, somewhere you had to let the rain fall. But right now, all she could feel was evil. Something was coming, something bad, the earth was rumbling, and not in a good way. The balance was off, thrown off kilter, some event had changed the situation, giving the darkness a foothold. Moreso now than ever Willow could feel it tug on her. And sometimes it was hard to fight it.

She had begun packing her things. She wasn't going to wait until she was needed in Sunnydale, she was going to turn up before things got that bad. She only hoped that they wouldn't look at her with accusing eyes, eyes that called her a murderer. What she had done was wrong. Looking back on it she realized the evil had started long before she flayed Warren, it began with the Blood of the Mother, and bringing Buffy back. Magick that black was better locked away in ancient tomes, not played with by someone barely out of her teens. But she knew these things now. Willow knew better. She only hoped her friends knew better too.

The other members of the coven were against her leaving so soon. But they didn't understand what it was like to live on a Hellmouth either. It was time for Willow to go.

* * *

**Sunnydale**

"You know, if they had beer in prison I bet the prisoners wouldn't mind it so much." Faith announced leaning back on the couch, paper plate of pizza crusts in one hand, her 4th bottle of Miller Lite in the other.

"Agreed, Probably would make their blood taste a bit better too. I mean I remember those Alcatraz inmates like it was yesterday, not a taste you soon forget! Beer would have definately complemented an otherwise bland palatte."

"Spike could we never speak of your eating habits again?" Xander rolled his eyes at the vampire.

"You were at Alcatraz? Shit, I thought that was you." Angel said out of nowhere.

"Yeah, you know how Dru loved a good caged meal, said it made the meat tender like those baby cows trapped in boxes or some rot.. And while all those humans couldn't figure out a way to get off that bloody island, the lot of us could always find a way in. Why'd the big bad soul man spend time up there? Were you someone's man-bitch?"

"You've seen too many episodes of Oz, Spike. For a while it served as a buffet of sorts. Eating the evil incarcerated didn't make my concious kick my ass repeatedly, until I ate an innocent man and then it was no more prison meals."

"Then the brood-patrol took over again?" Spike asked in a condecending tone.

"Again, can we never speak of eating people while I am here?" Xander interjected. 

"Not unless we're talkin' about eatin' you mate."

"Don't you have a soul?"

"Doesn't mean I can't dream, carpenter."

"Boys! Lets calm down." Faith said.

"Wow those are four words I never expected to hear out of that mouth."

"And Xander apparently you haven't had your ass kicked recently, cos you are all about the smart talk."

"No, no one kicks his ass since the bird flew the coop."

"Who Cordelia? Jesus Xander you haven't had sex since high school?" Faith eyed him up.

"For your information Cordelia should change her last name to Chaste, and yes there has been much sex since."

"We could call Anya over to tell you all about her 'Viking'" Spike made air quotes when he said Viking.

"Or we could go back to talking about eating people." Xander mused to change the topic of conversation.

Buffy entered the room holding the portable phone. "Angel, it's for you, it's Cordelia and she's freaking about something."

Angel got up to take the phone. Buffy walked over to the couch and sat on Spike's lap.

"I will never get used to seeing that." Faith said.

"Join the club." Xander lamented.

"What Cordelia? Did you have a vision?" All they could hear was one half of the conversation. "Calm down Cordy, it'll be fine. Connor's well behaved just like his father." Spike snorted at that. "No, I know he's never been around teenaged girls in a human dimension." Angel rolled his eyes at the phone. "The birds and the bees? What? No of course not, he's just a child!" 

Faith looked at Buffy, "What's this all about?"

"Fatherhood." Faith quizzicaly looked back at Buffy.

"I will not have such a conversation over the phone, I mean shouldn't there be diagrams or something, maybe a book? Why can't you do it? Or Lorne? I know Lorne's not human, but maybe it'd be easier coming from a demon. Gunn could do it! Cordy no, don't make me do this. Cordel... Hi, Connor. No, everything is fine. Yes, Sunnydale is still on a hellmouth. Yes, there is lots of action here. Wait, what kind of action are you talking about?" Buffy stifled a giggle.

"He really is clueless isn't he?" Spike asked her.

"Connor, did Holtz ever talk to you about women? Well no, I wasn't aware that there wasn't a lot of women in Qur'Toth. Well sometimes when a man and woman like each other a lot they do stuff."

"Bloody hell, the poor boy won't know what to do! Hey Mr. No True Happiness Clause, gimme the bleedin' phone." Angel scowled at Spike. "Come on, the boy might as well be my nephew, and seeing as I've had sex without turing into evil incarnate in the last 100 years, perhaps I can tell him a thing or two." Angel shooed Spike away.

"Connor, put Cordelia back on the phone. Cordelia? I can't do this over the phone, why don't the two of you come up here for a few days? Maybe you'll get a useful vision or something and I can talk man-to-man with my son."

"Man-to-Man? Who's he kidding?" Spike laughed as Angel hung up the phone.

"For your information, the boy wouldn't be here unless I had had sex with someone in the last decade so shut the hell up Spike!"

"Well evil, soulless, Darla may be your cup of tea, but then, when wasn't she?" Spike's tone had gotten considerably louder. "I mean all those years you were traipsing around with her, I mean how come she hadn't been impregnated with your evil seed before? It's a might bit suspisious."

"Spike if you don't shut up..."

"Okay this is out of hand. Both of you, to your corners!" Buffy stood up. "Why can't you two ever just have a civilized conversation like two normal people?"

"Well first off, they aren't human Buff." Xander offered, and recieved dueling cold stares from Spike and Angel. "And secondly, I think i need to go to my apartment and pick up some things, many many heavy things that will take me a while to get." Xander got up off the couch.

"You want some help?" Faith offered.

"Who are you and what have you done with the woman who thought asphyxia was a fun second date activity?"

"Date? Hardly." Faith scoffed. "This house gives me the creeps, considering last time I was here didn't exactly go well. Plus I think it might be safer for you if you had a slayer protecting you and all that."

"Um, Okay." Xander shifted uncomfortable from foot to foot.

"Can I smoke in your car?"

"I guess."

"Spike? Bum me a pack until I can get some?"

"Take, 'em consider it a welcome back to Sunnyhell present."

"Right on." Faith followed Xander out to the purple car. The rest of them sat in the living room listening through the open window at Faith's constant prodding about the manliness of his car.

"Those two seem to be getting on well." Spike announced.

"What's with the snipes between them?" Buffy asked.

"Xander didn't tell you about them did he?" Angel asked

"Them? As in Faith and Xander, as in I want to hear nothing more of such things?"

"Yeah."

"Enough information. So what are you going to tell Connor?"

"Well, he's going to avoid the conversation as long as possible, that is until Connor lays eyes on Dawn, in which case I will make veiled threats about cutting off his manhood in refrence to her honor as a lady." Spike said.

"Her honor?" Buffy laughed.

"Her virginal status. I'll be tarred and feathered before any spawn of Angel's touches my Dawn."

"Hey, he isn't that bad!" Angel said

"Yeah and he also dumped you in the bottom of the ocean, not the sort of young man I think she should be dating."

"And the vampire was a better option? It's not like Dawn's had a normal life." Buffy said.

"Buffy have you talked to Dawn about, _it?"_ Angel asked

"_It, _it? No, I think mom did. God, I hope mom did. I'm a vampire slayer not sex educator. Don't they cover that stuff in school? I remember there used to be classes on this in school, classes filled with adolescent shame and self loathing."

"Connor doesn't go to school."

"Dawn rarely makes it there." Buffy and Angel looked at each other in sheer terror.

"Bloody hell, I'll do it! Two of you, resigned to fight the forces of evil, but you can't explain sex to teenagers?" Spike stood up, knocking Buffy off his lap. "The two of you are really a piece of work!" He chuckled as he helped Buffy back up.

"Since when did you become the big, hulking parental unit?"

"Well, I did look after the bit when you were 6 feet under, let's not forget that."

"True."

"So, maybe we should have like a group intervention, all 3 of us giving the 'talk' you know so we can use our collective knowledge to make sure they never ever have sex?" Buffy asked.

"Sounds good." Angel nodded. Spike nodded too.

"Good." The doorbell rang, "That isn't Cordy already is it? Does she have a cell phone or something?"

"She does, but I wasn't talking to her on it."

"Hmm. I'll go see who it is." Buffy got up and went to the door. She opened it, "Hell...o?"


	16. Utilitarianism

**Author's Note**: Yeah Yeah I'm evil, I'm slow going, blah blitty blah. Blame Joss Whedon, cos I'm all sorts of crushed about the absence of the Buffyverse for the first time in 8 years! So I'm in pain. And yeah, I'm heartbroken, and yeah it's tough to write in the 'verse now!!! But here is the next chapter, and I swear I will work on some more soon. I just need proper inspiration... like reviews... and cookies. ;) BTW any of you Firefly freaks out there will catch one of Jayne's most memorable lines in here, it's a personal favorite of mine and so I had to put it in here. I appologize for any errors spelling or otherwise, I was working so hard to get this done that I didn't double check it.

**Sunnydale**

"Hell-o?" The shock flashed across Buffy's face. "What in the hell are you doing here?" She looked down on the two figures at her door.

"Hola, greetings from sunny Me-hi-co." Andrew shrugged and waved his arm in an arc.

"Hi, Buffy." Jonathon said.

"Is this a joke?" Buffy huffed.

"No, but this is. So a chicken walks into a bar..." Andrew was nervous, he always talked too much when he was nervous. Jonathon poked him to get him to shut up. "Ow! Ribs!"

"Buffy we need to talk to you. Something has happened, or is about to." Jonathon stepped up to the plate. Having dealt with Buffy serveral times before he was an evil mastermind he knew he could plead to her sensible side.

"So, talk."

"Can we come in? I have a double meat medley that's getting cold." Andrew held up his Double Meat Palace bag.

"I'm not a big fan of inviting my nemeses in for supper."

"Bollocks!" Spike shouted from the living room as he walked to the front door. "They can't do much with the lot of us here, and they're pretty much harmless. I heard Red skinned the leader."

"He was NOT our leader! We were democratic! We voted and everything!" Andrew said.

"Fine come in." Buffy stepped aside and let the two boys in. She guided them to the dining room where Angel and Spike each stood at an exit. If they were going to escape they'd have to go through them first. "Talk. And I don't want to hear 'What I did on my summer vacation.'"

Jonathon started. "We went to Mexico."

"Which is apparent considering the ponchos." Buffy said.

"In Mexico we sort of settled in. I was doing some minor magicks for the locals."

"And I worked at a taco stand. Jonathon said we served dog ala burrito, but I think he was just saying that." Spike glared at Andrew, and Andrew visibly squirmed in his seat.

"Anyways, cos I have a connection to the dark side I could feel a tug. There has been a recent upswing in the number of 'dearly-departed' sightings, and a lot of animal possession requests."

"Sounds like an honest living." Buffy sarcastically remarked.

"Listen Buffy, we didn't come back here because we wanted to. We had to. We've been having dreams. Dreams about fights, big fights." Jonathon started.

"And something that will eat us starting with our bottoms, or eat us from the ground or something like that." Andrew continued through bites of his sandwich.

"From beneath you, it devours." Spike said.

"Yeah. Sounds familiar doesn't it?" Buffy said back to him.

"There are also girls." Jonathon said quietly, looking down at his hands.

"Well, ain't that a surprise, the two of you poofters dreamin' about girls!" Spike laughed.

"Dead girls. Lots of them. Not just dead, but they are carved with symbols. Whatever is killing them is consistent between our dreams. I can't figure out what it means, I don't know who these girls are. They just appear. Like when I'm running away I keep passing bodies."

"There was one in the mall parking lot in my dream." Andrew added. A silence follwoed this, everyone thinking about what they had said.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Angel asked.

"If you are thinking potentials, then yeah." Buffy said, Angel nodded. "But why would these two be seeing this?"

"Um, hell-o we have evil on speed dial. Maybe they want us to join their army and help them take over the world to bring about the second demon age." Andrew said. This time everyone stared at him. "What? It's true!"

"Hate to say it love, but I think the wee-man may have a point."

"Maybe, but I mean, these two are harmless. Why would the First Evil contact them?"

"Because it knows they would come back to you." Angel said. "It's taunting you in a sense, like it taunted me."

"Okay, but why? I mean it's not like it's the playground bully."

"Because this is part of it's game. It plays with your mind, makes you think things."

"So the big bad wants to play mind games. Lovely, that's a new one." Buffy said.

"Um, we want to help." Jonathon said.

"You what?"

"We want to help you. Get on the path towards redemption, you know like Spike."

"I did it first!" Angel said with indignation.

"Why should we believe you?"

"Because these dreams, visions, whatever, they're scary, really scary. We have a lot to make up for. Things Warren did, things we let him do, things we helped him do. We never really meant to hurt anyone. And once we did, we couldn't take it back. Maybe we can help. I'm an okay warlock, and Andrew can summon demons to do our bidding." Buffy glared at him, "Or, he's really good at reading demon languages and stuff. He also makes excellent bait?"

"Hey! No fair munchkin man!" Andrew said.

"Boys, calm down. We'll have to see." Buffy nodded at Angel and Spike to come talk with her. They headed for the kitchen.

"Aren't we offering them a prime opportunity to escape?" Spike asked.

"Those two are terrified. It's rolling off of them, I can smell it." Angel said.

"Ew, but yeah, he's right. They aren't going anywhere. I mean last time they were in town their fearless leader got flayed alive. Not like we are exactly who they want to be with. I think we need to talk to Giles about this."

"Right, that means I get to be his undead alarm clock doesn't it?" Spike asked.

"He's not a big fan of mine." Angel offered.

"I can see where murdering his girlfriend and then torturing him may have severed the buddy bond." Spike directed at Angel, and headed out to get Giles.

"So it's playing with my mind by sending me two nerds who want to make up for their evil deeds. Ooo The First Evil just has me shaking in my afforable yet fashionable boots." Buffy directed at Angel.

"It'll increase it's game soon enough. This is the playing portion of the taunting wait until it really gets going."

"So it gets worse than seriously lame camp fire stories?"

"You know it does."

"Yeah." Buffy looked down at the linoleum in the kitchen. She knew things were going to get bad, the humor only made it sufferable.

Spike and a half-awake Giles came into the kitchen.

"Waking him, is worse than waking the bloody dead. Sleeps like a brick is an understatement not to be taken lightly!"

Giles wandered to the kitchen sink with the tea pot, "So I hear two missing persons have shown up at our door."

"Yeah, and their in the dining room. I think they know stuff, the first evil has been contacting them or something. They want to help."

"We'll have to see what exactly they know, just as soon as my brain stops fighting with my skull." Giles sat at the counter.

"Until then?"

"We could tie them up and hold them hostage." Angel suggested.

"Or we could turn on the Sci-Fi network and plop them in front of the tellie, I doubt they'll leave."

"When Giles feels better we'll talk to them again. I better find more sleeping supplies. Looks like Chateau Summers will have no vacancy again. Maybe we could get Xander to build some extra bedrooms in the backyard."

"He is handy with a hammer." Giles said.

* * *

**Somewhere in South East Asia**

Anya had been doing her best to fulfill her duties as vengeance demon, and to see if she could get any information on what was stirring beneath Sunnydale. So far she was having no luck with the latter. If D'Hoffryn found out what she was doing, she could probably be vanquished. While D'Hoffryn rarely took sides in the eternal battle between good and evil, he didn't like his demons carring out personal business during working hours. She had only one avenue left, and it really wasn't a pretty southern boulevard lined with magnolia trees, it was more of a skid-row dead end in an internal vortex of pain and suffering.

Beljoxa's Eye wasn't to be taken lightly. It was an oracle of the demon world that was, an oracle that still knew what was going on, and might be able to offer clarity. Anya couldn't go alone, she needed someone she could trust would be able to get the hell out of Beljoxa's dimension. Knowing that Anya wasn't huge on the trust anyways, she decided to go with the most powerful person she knew. Of course she would have to pray that the darkside wouldn't consume her, but honestly Anya didn't mind her when she was evil, except for the destruction of her capitalistic venture, and the strange veins. She needed Willow.

* * *

**New York**

Teleporting would have been the simplest solution to getting to Sunnydale in a very rapid way. Willow had instead opted for the airplane, she couldn't be held responsible if a ticket for the last flight out of Heathrow to New York suddenly materialized in the palm of her hand. At least she justified that while she probably shouldn't be using magic to get herself on an airplane, she was doing it for the greater good. That intro to philosophy class and the Utilitarianism offered by John Stewart Mill had offered her the logical explanation to cover her actions however questionable they may be.

She was waiting for her flight to Sunnydale flipping through some magazine spouting off about this or that celebrty and what they were up to. Willow had always found these magazines to be proof on how clueless the large population of the world was. Evil was afoot, hundreds of apocalyptical situations evaded, and all the public really cared about was whether or not Johnny Depp would do another Pirates of the Carribean movie and if Britany Spears had slept with Fred Durst. Sometimes she wished that she had never been clued in on the actual status of the world, so things this trivial could concern her.

"If wishes were horses, we'd all be eating steak." A familiar voice came from the chair behind her. "And you should know better than to even think about wishing."

"Anya."

Anya walked around the chairs to stand in front of Willow. "Willow."

"Why are you here?"

"No, why are you here? I figured I'd be in England right now, and instead I'm considering having a Sex in the City moment, buying some Blahniks and getting a tartini."

"I'm going home."

"Sunnydale, home?"

"Yeah."

"Do they know you're on your way home?"

"Not exactly, I mean I didn't call or anything."

"Scared? Think they're gonna hate you forever?"

"Sort of."

"Well, I'd love to tell you that they are going to welcome you with open arms, blah blah blah, but the truth is, they're kinda fickle. So I'm not really sure I can gauge what their reactions will be."

"Thanks for the pep talk Anya. By the way, why are you looking for me?"

"Well, that's a funny story. Funny 'haha' not funny 'eww.' I need your help. I'm going to open a portal to Beljoxa's Eye, and I need someone to come with me, someone who, should we get trapped, can get us back out and home."

"I don't know Anya, I'm really not supposed to be doing too much magic."

"What? This is for the greater good and all that. Giles and Buffy asked me to get some info on the latest big bad rumbling beneath Sunnydale. Beljoxa's Eye is the last resort. It knows about everything that is going on down here. It will know, and it will help. Hey, I'm a demon and I'm trying to help. Plus I can teleport you back to Sunnydale afterward so we can tell them together all of the news we have recieved, and then they will love you because you helped without being asked, unlike me, who has to be told to do good things."

"I don't know Anya, I'm still sort of recovering."

"Willow if you fear your own power you'll never be able to control it. Being scared of yourself is only going to make your power unstable, and then you'll be twice as dangerous. Remember the flaying? You were unstable, and your power took over who you are. You have to own your power."

"Are you becoming a motivational speaker?"

"Spike and I watched some Dr. Phil, it gets me rant-y."

"Okay, I guess I can help you. When do we do this?"

Anya looked around. "I'm thinking now." Anya grabbed Willow's hand and dragged her towards the bathroom.

"Anya!"

"Shh. you're a lesbian, you will pretend to be my lover so we can have wild sex in the handicapped stall like in Unfaithful, only with women in an airport, and without the sexy mostly half naked Olivier Martinez. Then I'll open the portal we jump in and no one is the wiser."

"I have to have sex with you?"

"No! I mean I wouldn't be against it, I did have some fun experimentation in the sixties, and you're not terribly misshapen or anything., but this is more of a cover story than an actual thing we need to do."

"Okay good." Anya smiled at the other ladies in the bathroom, and then dragged Willow into a stall.

"Make some noises, portals can be loud." Anya ripped a few hairs from her head, a physical sacrifice from the flesh of a demon was necessary to open the portal, and Anya didn't feel like ripping off a finger. She then uttered the incantation, "Ek'vola mok't Beljoxa do'kar." With a whirr a small portal opened and grew steadily. "Come on, it's time to get some answers." Anya grabbed Willow's hand and walked into the portal, in an instant the two of them and the portal were gone.


End file.
